When our lips meet,
I swear that stars collide
I can see supernovas
in your eyes
And even the lightest touch
Fingers on my spine
Sends shivers, pleasure,
surging through my veins
Once upon a time,
I was little girl lost
But the stars looked down
They shook their heads and said
“She shouldn’t wear a frown.”
They found a soul with scars to match my own
We stood to watch the stars collide
I saw supernovas in your eyes
And cherished the feeling
of your fingers entwined in mine
Now, when our lips meet, I swear
Stars collide to create a new universe
Souls tangle, they entwine and combine
And the word outside simply falls away
As fingers dance gently along my spine.

I am weather.
I am unpredictable.
You think
you know
what I'm going to do,
but then I turn around
and surprise you.
I
am sunny for a week straight.
Next week, I'll barrage you with snow.
Sorry.
I could be raining, but I could have the sun still shining
high and bright.
I am
unusual
and
annoying.

No one has the patience for me.

They want sun, sun, sun
all the **** time,
but sometimes I have no choice
except to just
rain
and
rain
and
rain.

I wish I could always be sunny,
always keeping you warm,
but if I stay sunny for
far too long,
I'll burn out.

So I have to rain,
and I have to snow.
And sometimes I never know
when the storm will hit.

I am weather.
Can you survive me?

Unraveling
Unwinding
The glue falls from the binding
The crimson threads
flow from my head
My wrists, my hands, there is no denying
The inevitable,
The insane
This very inhumane game
Why, I make no sense anymore
Why, I feel no life anymore
Why, I see no light anymore
Why, the voices
Why, the voices,
Why, the voices in my head
They scream
FOREVERMORE
Twisting and writhing,
The tearing of the binding
The pages flutter to the ground
The moths they flutter all around
I think I have gone quite insane
I think that I can touch my brain
Well, why are they running away?
"Hello and goodbye!" is all I want to say!
Gunmetal glinting in the moonlight                                                        ­                                                          
A bang and a flash to light up the night
Oh, my eyes, why can't I see?
Oh, my ears, I cannot seem
To hear the sounds of tormented laughter
The background music that fills my brain
I cannot see the eerie shadows
that shiver and linger and stretch their fingers
To touch me, to grab me, to ****** me away
No! Don't let them take me away!
No! I cannot go today!
No! There is too much for me still to say!
And as I sit and as I wonder
What it would be like wander
Up and down the streets of town
With my thoughts pouring from my mouth
And my ears taped to my knees?
See, I am not making any sense!
I am bibbling, babbling, good and gone and gabbling
I wish to see,
I wish for sight
I wish to not be sick tonight
I wish to be free from the shivering shadows
and whispering screams
I wish to stretch my lips in a smile
that is not insane
It is not insane                                                           ­                                                                 ­                        
I wish to leave this padded cell
I wish to find a place that's home
White picket fence
A cat and a dog
No gunmetal glinting
No flash and bang
No unraveling threads
being pulled from my brain
I wish I may
Yes, I wish for light
I wish to have some sanity tonight
Tonight.

Oh! Such a thrill
Meeting your kiss
jump-starts my heart
Sends a jolt through my veins
and the joy, the joy, the thrill!
My heartbeat is faster
than the sound it makes.
I feel so complete, so whole
Knowing that
no more am I alone
You can feel my pulse
as you hold my hand
You can feel it throbbing fast,
faster each time
I look you in the eyes.
I'm so high
up on cloud nine,
and I have no wish
to come down.
With my pulse still speeding,
I am sleepless tonight
With the memories
Racing
With the thoughts
Dancing
With you in my head
there is no sleep
So here I lie,
still wide awake;
I remember
your kiss.

I just can't fly
Without being weighed down again
By the gray fog -
It blinds me and chokes me and leaves me
Useless, tumbling headfirst
I just can't figure out
Where I'm going anymore.
I see color, briefly, so briefly,
Then everything dims again
Nighttime, darkness.
So I have to wait, tears staining my skin,
Until the sun makes itself known to me again.

Shh!
Say nothing,
Just sit with me
And watch the white flames burn
around us
They shimmer iridescent colors,
They gleam like a thunderstorm rainbow,
Glitter like fairy dust in an opal stone
Those flames dance for us, love
Hold me tightly, hold me close,
We open our mouths to let the flames rush in
Fire burns through our veins,
Shatters our bones,
Melts our hearts
I look into the deep brown of your eyes
And you look into the luminous green of mine;
Hold me tightly, hold me close,
We kiss and go up in flames.

Baby, sing me to sleep
But the night is still so young
Baby, please, sing me to sleep
But the stars are bright for us
Baby, just sing me to sleep
Look at how the moon gleams, a silver coin
Baby, I’m begging you, sing me to sleep
Just let me kiss you instead
Baby, I’m sorry, I just need to sleep.

a heartbeat
the world rushes around us
i pull you to a stop
you turn to face me and
i fall into your embrace,

another heartbeat
and as my cheek rests in the curve of
                                             shoulder and neck
i breathe you in and close my eyes and feel
your arms, tight around me
and there is nothing else

skip a beat
the world is gone
we are the only ones,
you and i,
souls entwined in

a fresh heartbeat
and time moves again*
a brief moment of forever.

When you say
that you are nothing,
I fear for you.
When the words that leave your lips
are shrouded in darkness,
I fear for you.
When you look as though
you're about to cry,
I fear for you.
I love you,
and I don't want you to be lost, and
I fear for you.

If I am to become a famous poet
like Plath or Poe
I ask that you do not tear apart my poems
to find a secret meaning
Read them as they are
Enjoy them for their present message.

I don’t want to slip away,
Not when I’m with you
But I cannot control this,
This disconnection
The cords snap
Between my head and soul
So that I’m not quite here,
Not quite there
Honestly, I’m not quite
Anywhere
And then you look at me
Ask if I’m okay
You know
there’s something not quite right with me
You feel me slip away
But the me that’s not me lies
And she tells you I’m okay
Even as I drift away
Further and further from the truth of the day
Don’t let me slip away

Blue glass bottle
To hold this rare moment of peace
There is no fear, no sadness, no anxiety
In this little blue bottle
This is peaceful happiness, a rare treasure for me
Ah, it is so sweet.

I have a hard time
describing
what my childhood memories
feel like.

I think most my age
still recall their childhood
pretty clearly,
like photographs of various quality.

I feel as though
my memory cracks a little
every time my settings
are changed.

The first crack was graduation,
the flurry and fear of
finally
leaving home.

College became
a hazy blur;
it stings to look at it
directly.

Everything falls short,
I move again,
another crack forms
and I feel the pain.

Memories here
are strange and bittersweet;
The fog here is thick,
and I know I don't want to see.

In the present,
I just try to breathe;
but I feel so detached
from my memories.

Everything feels
so far away,
mirages in a shifting desert;
golden sea swirling with storms.

When dark clouds shade my sky,
I feel that I am blind
I have a broken, stained glass eye
And there is no road ahead for me to find.

But now there is sunlight
peeking through the smoky grey
filling my entire world with light
and granting my wish for a brand new day

You take my hand, and guide me on
Your soft kiss reminds me how to feel
I feel as though every teardrop is gone
and ours is a fate that we can seal

We will greet the sunrise together and find
That there is way to leave darkness behind.

I'm heartbroken over the news of Chester Bennington's suicide. He's been my inspiration for years. You will be missed, Chazzy Chaz. <3

It seems that,
rather than hiding from it,
I have learned to
hold hands
with the darkness.
A cold grip,
but no colder
than my own.

Soft synthetic fur brushes my cheek,
the smell of newness fills my nose.
His fur is the color of your eyes,
melted chocolate to melt my heart.
Brushing my fingertips along
the soft bottoms of his feet brings me back to childhood,
to Rainbow Bear(that ratty old teddy bear)
and too many toys.
It will be easier for me to sleep tonight,
because I have something to hold,
something that is a token of your love.
It’s Teddy Bear Chester, your Valentine’s Day gift;
I’ll hold him tight all through the night.

Hello, Love,
Who did you see today?
Has society been treating you well?
You always look beautiful to me.
I don't care if you're uniting two boys, two girls, or one of each,
because you look beautiful everywhere.
I hope you're never lonely,
even though lonely love does have a certain beauty to it.
You're beautiful, Love,
I keep saying it,
and it's just so true.

I won’t let you see
how much it really hurts
to have lost you
without really losing you.

This wound will bleed for a while.

Read from the bottom up!*


to c r u m b l e.
appears
The world
our eyes.
through
Uncertainty floating
violet sky
FaLSe rEaLitY
them high
G
N
I
K
C
A
T
S
words,
G
N
I
D
L
I
U
B

Shade

Tell me,
why is it that you insist
on embracing sharp shadows?
They slice you open,
yank out red threads from your flesh.
They replace the crimson
with gray and black and dull, dull blue
Colors of a corpse, set underground to rot.
They pour cups of smoke into your mouth
and make you see false things,
make you dance with insanity.
They want to destroy you, these foul shades,
they want to yank your life away.
Push the shadows away,
shove them away
stay away
from their sharp embrace.

Randomness
I'm just typing
Just letting everything escape
Endlessflowoflettersandwords
Nospacesnecessary
Okay, fine, I'll use the space bar
But only because
it would be nice if
You could actually read this.
I'm just typing,
Keys click-clacking away
Tap-tap
cLICKETY_cLACK
RaNdOmNeSs
and insanity
Hand in cold hand
Shivering

Footsteps
scuffing the pavement
Then another set, coming quickly behind
Turn, and lock eyes
With your Fear
Freeze!
It looms over you,
heavy breath and acrid stench
You can hear its heartbeat, pounding hard and loud and fast
You can’t take your eyes away from its face;
So horrible, so terrible and grey
Blazing eyes and heavy breath;
the stench clogs your throat so you can’t breathe
And you heart starts running to match the beast’s
Panic!
How to escape, how to get away?
How to be sure that you will live another day?
You swallow the heavy stench that fills your throat,
you put a hand to your heart and breathe,
you narrow your eyes at your Fear, you say
“Begone, foul beast, I do not want to play.”

Crimson
Scarlet
Sunset red
Blood has been spilled, lost, and shed

Dove-wing
Storm cloud
Sad, sad gray
Fog tries to hide the light of day

Diamond
Snow
Pale white skin
Paper is meant to hold words within

Blood red
Fog gray
Paper white
The only colors I see until the night

Out pops the spirit
and out pops
BOO!
EEK! you shriek, you turn and run away.

Out pops the witch
and out pops a
CACKLE!
AGH! you scream, you turn and run away.

Out pops a vampire
and out pops a
HISS!
OOOOH! you yell, you turn and run away.

Out pops a ghoul,
and out pops a
GRARR!
NOOO! you cry, you turn and run away.

Here comes Halloween,
and out pop the scares
YIIPES! we all scream, we all turn and say
TRICK OR TREAT!

The owl sits
  perched upon his branch
    gazing at me with
      pirate's gold eyes.
I meet his eyes,
  so yellow, so wise,
    and I can see
      a secret.
A universe, an unknown world,
  the cure to save mankind.
    I see a way to end the madness,
      I see a way to fly.

A soul full of stitches is mine,
A soul full of stitches and scars
No, they’re not from lost loves
No, they’re not from frequent grief
I’m just a little broken inside
I’ve got a loose *****,
My programming is malfunctioning
I’m just a little bit incorrect,
A math problem constantly done wrong

I thought I was unfixable,
I thought there was no hope for me
But then you came along,
Desperate to learn how to fix me
You reached into my head,
You tapped your knuckles against my heart
You found the refresh switch
And brought me to life
My glitches are still malfunctioning,
But I’m not frozen in place
My sticthes still sting and bleed,
But I’m not hiding from the pain

Something you did fixed me,
Even though I seem more broken
But the only reason I’m so
Uncontrollable
Is that I’m finally alive.

Wake up

And see that the dark is

Killing you more quickly

E**very day

Heart-beat, heart-beat
Can you feel my
Heart-beat
Feel it pound against my rib cage
It wants out, it wants out
Feel how it wants to get out of my chest
Beating for who? Beating for you
Beating to tell you how much I love you
I’ve said it once and twice and
A million thousand times
But here I am, I ‘ll say it again:
**I
love
you.

once the time of cheer has ended,
wintertime is deadly.
My heart breaks
My breath disappears
My limbs become rigid and useless
every year
I die
Because of winter.

whisper in the night
dissolving into the silverlight
moonlight, hungry light
my whipsers dissolve just before
hitting your eardrums
to resonate into your brain
my whispers vanish unheard
so i let my thoughts vanish, out of sight.

Whispers of the childhood past cling to his feet
and a piece of the present is the color of his fur
I am reminded of the future by the name we chose
Teddy Bear Chester, soft feet and chocolate fur.

Memories flicker in my mind,
fireflies always escaping my grasp.

I try to catch them,
keep them in a jar,

But they escape,
leaving me lost and alone.

Every day I fall
Into
darkness
Into
a
deep
dark
pit
The doctors call it
depression
I just say I'm
lost
And
every day
as I fall
I realize that
every
day
could
be
my
last

Well, surely by now I’ve run out of words for you?
But a writer never runs out of words,
especially when expressing her love.
She can write a million poems
about your eyes, using the imagery of “melted chocolate” and “mahogany wood”.
She could build a paragraph
about your lips, picking out just the right verbs and adjectives to describe your kiss.
She is able to create an invisible image of you,
she can use words like “swell” and “heart” to describe how she feels when she sees you.
A writer can never run out of words, certainly not when
she is expressing her love.
And even if she has to repeat a phrase,
if she has to reuse an adjective,
she will never stop painting her love on the paper,
never stop shaping a heart out of words.

And so we watch everything fall
Explode around us in the air
Bone splinters and shards of glass
The remains of what never truly was

And so we learn to lose it all
The fire glinting off your hair
The spirits watching as we pass
Yearning for the life within us

And so we wish we could stand tall
Seek freedom from the darkest lair
And slay any who dare trespass
To survive we do what we must

And so we watch everything fall
Explode into our hearts and steal our air
Bone white and blood streaks and shards of glass
The remains of what everything was

I am told that the pain I feel is
a l l  i n  m y  h e a d
but then why does my heart
feel like it's about to explode
and my chest hurts with a pain that is
undoubtedly physical
Tears keep threatening to pour out of my eyes
And I am afraid.

I seem to have a tendency
to slip out of my own head.

Oculus*
No.
please look at me,
Nonono. No.
Please”
Never, never, never ever. Nevermore. Edgar Poe’s crow. No.
she looked away.
look at me!”
tore her gaze away
*Don't look her in the eye.
She was blind and stupid and alive.

Rosebud in my chest
It’s been closed for so long
There were times when
I felt like it would open
But it hid from the light
and curled its petals a little closer together.
But this rosebud is open now,
It’s blooming in brilliant shades
Passion-red and love-flushed pink,
hints of purple from inpired inks
An exquisite bloom that continues to grow
with every fresh kiss,
with every new poem
Ah, I’m blooming, blossoming bright and strong
The sun can finally warm my petals
after hidng in cold shadow for so long.

Sometimes I wonder
how it would feel
to just be numb
all the time
To feel the way I used to feel,
like nothing ever hurt me, nothing broke through
my cold, stainless steel walls
Sometimes I wonder
if I would rather feel that way again
Because sometimes emotion
is just too cumbersome to carry every day

I remind myself that
to feel emotion is to be human, to be alive
And I very much prefer being alive
to being a cold, steel statue
Resting forgotten at the bottom of the sea
wishing she could see the sky again

Being alive is worth the pain
of having a heartbeat.

Hello, old friend,

I really hoped

I wouldn't see you again,

But you're here now, so

I suppose you may as well sit

Coffee? Tea? You got me addicted to both, see

This one has cocoa, to keep me in a good mood

Because I won't go to a doctor, you see

You make other people pop pills like candy

But I don't want to do that so I drink this tea instead.

Ha.

I'm learning how to fight you, see?

Or at least I think I do,

until you come knocking again,

and surprise me with a new present.

I used to love presents,

but yours just make my head hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to leave;

I'm making dinner tonight, you see,

and I don't want that knife to be a danger.

You know where the door is,

goodbye,

Please, don't come back soon.

When fog touches down
Covering the town
The mysteries come out
They come to scream and shout
They whisper, too
Sing soft lullabies
Hush, lost souls
so the living can sleep tonight.

As the leafall season approaches,
the trees become ablaze with
fire leaves.

Indeed, the beautiful colors
have sparked the minds of many
cloud thinkers.

Sadness befalls them
as the cold draws near,
stripping the trees
of inspiration

Silver slices in the sky
Boy, I'd love a moon pie
Silver slices in the sky
Cut off my head and make it fly
Twist my bones into a braid
There's a knight who needs my aid
Twist my bones into a braid
(I hope he doesn't just want to get laid)
Carve your name into my skin
I've always wondered why my heart is so thin
Carve your name into my skin
Maybe you can make me full again
Pump my heart full of fire
I've never been dancing with my sire
Pump my heart up full of fire
Ah, this is a fate most dire
Tear my brain right out of my head
I am crazy, I should be dead
Tear my brain right out of my head
Send me to sleep in a hellfire bed.

the flames are rising,
and soon they will rise
above our heads,
only to come crashing back down
like ocean waves,
washing away
the impurities
of the world.