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Mar 2016
I can safely say that
I’m better
I’m much better than I was
five months ago

Five months ago
I was a cutter and a liar and a girl wearing a mask
I had a death wish and a fear of oblivion
Eternal conflict kept me alive, not much else
Excpet maybe a heart barely beating
but somehow still warm


I don’t rely on blood and pain anymore
to keep my emotions in check
I’m opening up, being honest with myself
and with the ones I hold close to my heart and soul
I don’t wish for darkness,
and my heart is definitely beating

But underneath this fresh new smile
and cheeks flushed with hope and love
My blood still boils, my mind still toils
My heartbeat is insane
I still can’t tell you if I’m not fine
I can’t trust my thoughts,
they betray me to fear
If you look at me closely enough,
you might see the threat of crystal tears


I have hope, I have happiness and love
I have someone to hold, who can hold me
A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold
I can finally say that I’m not alone
I can be honest when I tell him I love him
And I truly mean it, too
He’s my life, my heart and soul
And I know I will never let him go


And while you can completely trust my words of love,
there are other words you should not trust
When you ask me if I’m okay
the truth sits at the back of my throat,
tears ready to spill
But I remember there are people around
Remember we’re not alone
So I swallow the honesty, I tell you I’m great
Confirm the statement with a smiley-face
And then wince in pain as the lie burrows through my veins


I can trust him, I know he’s always there
No matter how far, I can always feel him there
Soul mate, linked forever
We are bound by the universe
I can tell him everything
and know he won’t turn away
And he’ll know how to cheer me up
if the old fears are poking through the dirt
He’ll know how to clear the clouds away
So raindrops won’t stain my shirt

So if I can trust you,
why can’t I tell you the truth?
Why can’t I tell you that
it’s slowly coming back-
the fears and the tears building in the back
of my throat;
I forgot how to scream and my tear ducts are blocked
And I know that if maybe we could just be alone
I could finally break through the walls I used to call home


Five months ago, I was a broken girl
But now I am fixed
But there are still cracks in my sunshine exterior,
and the darkness sneaks into my brain

I’m not alone anymore, I’m healing
I’m opening up, fresh summer bloom
But the mask still has not gone
And my smile can still be faked

I have hope
I have fear
I have a fresh start here
I might mess up this life, too
Love is truly a powerful force
*So is it enough to save me from a darker force?
Sky
Written by
Sky  25/Non-binary/that mystical place...
(25/Non-binary/that mystical place...)   
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