Times are changing
What I used to endure now sting
I'm constantly feeling excruciating pain
My mental state goes to a different plane
What I used to shutout comes back in
And I seek out distractions again and again
Will I ever get out of survival mode?
Negative times don't last is what I'm told
But those are words that fall on empty ears
I just want to end this survival mode with a Cheers!

This life has went SO downhill
All this negativity shrinking away my will
Making me wish I was dead
Take a bullet to the head
Let this life end
Nobody would miss me; not a single friend
You are only wanted when you are useful
Your usefulness drains away and you aren't wanted; no
No one wants you around

Times like this never bode well
It's like getting arrested and going to jail
All the bad just joins together
It's like forever being in the wake of insane weather
Never knowing when it'll End
Not having no one, not even a friend
Wishing it would stop, saying oh please oh please
Forever wondering why we have moments like these

Things never go your way
Society just doesn't work like that
You try to make something of yourself and you fall on your face, flat
You lose loved ones and cherished friends leave you
Leaving you by choice hurts way worse then having them taken away
You are left with not having anything to say
It hurts too much so you shut yourself away from the world
Friends and family try to comfort you
But their words fall on deaf ears
You turn to drugs and alcohol to try and heal your shattered heart
But you soon find that's not the solution
You decide to erase those former friends from your mind.
That's all you can do until you find someone who is sweet and kind.
You finally find that person amd they become your everything rescuing you from your darkness.
They become your sunlight and brighten your days from then on turning everything into such a bliss
They stay by your side they never become gone.

After all this time
Why did she enter my dream state
She didn’t even speak she was like a mime
Is this my fate
To dream about women that left me
Now she’s back in my head
I thought I was over her finally
I wish I dreamt about a different woman instead
For those of you who know
This one is about Giovanna, the one that cut me out
You know that she did a number on me, I got so low
For a little while I admit that I did pout
In this dream she hid from me under a table
I still don’t understand why
That was not cool
I almost wanted to cry
After I found her she power walked away
She had a big frown on her face
Let me tell you, I was not okay
I wanted to grab her hand but I felt like it wasn’t my place
When she drove away I snapped back to reality
Again I can’t understand why I dreamt about her
I was so close to finally being happy
Maybe she’ll give me another chance now that she’s older
And if not I might just cry
And wipe away those tears and ask once again “Why”

You are a beautiful woman who has my heart
When we meet I'll never want to be apart
I'll hold you daily in my warm embrace
When you're sleeping I'll leave kisses on your beautiful face
If you ever get sick I'll help you make a full recovery
Our time together will be full of glee

Early morning
3 hours after midnight
Listening to music
Trying to drown out that feeling
Wishing everything was alright
I wanted her and I to just click
Her name starts with L
Always getting in my feels
That's me, that's Ben
I'll admit it, I fell
It's like I unknowingly took love pills
I just can't go through this again.