Benjamin Davenport

Benjamin Davenport Feb 2018

Loss

I've dealt with so much pain in my life
When I was 7 my father lost his wife
The love of his life was gone forever
I just know he really missed her
Her passing left him without a wife and us without a mother
Those first couple of years were really tough without her
Losing her affected each of us differently
I was affected emotionally and socially
Even with my 7 other siblings I still felt alone.
Fast forward to the future of 18 years
My Dad gets diagnosed with cancer and it's the start of my fears
I wish I had known what cancer does
I could've done something to prevent the tragic future.
Fast forward to January 1st 2018 8pm
My father no longer had to live in this horrible world and he was reunited with his wife and daughter who left before him.

I wanted to give a brief backstory to fill you all in on how I lost both my parents to health related problems. My mother had breathing problems and needed multiple tanks of oxygen delivered to the house. She passed on 9/11/1998 at age 37. And my father didn't even get to reach age 60. Come April 21st is both of their birthdays. My mother was born in '61 and my father '58. I'll never get over the death of my parents. I'm hoping poems like these will get me through them at the very least.

#loss #pain #sorrow #tragedy #orphaned #remembrance #memories #sadness

Benjamin Davenport Dec 2017

My Real Life Wife

My love for you burns like a thousand suns.
You are the sweetest my lovely honey bun.
Loving you has brought me unbridled happiness.
Knowing you love me wipes away all the stress.
The stress that has attached itself to both my work and home life.
That stress pales in comparison to the happiness I'll have when you become my real life wife

My girlfriend and I met on a virtual reality game by the name of: Avakin Life. We got married in the game and she agreed to be my girlfriend in real life. This poem is dedicated to her.

#stress #reliever #love #work #home #lifestyle

Benjamin Davenport Nov 2017

A delicate flower

He hurt you
You just bid him adieu
I know you wasted all that time
He'll remind you of lemon lime
Because he turned sour
And made you no longer view love as a delicate flower

My friend is hurting because this stupid boy, after 2 years, decided he needs a break from her. She's hurting because she was starting to fall for him. I'm protective of her so I'm hurting as well so I decided to write this poem

#heartbreak #sadness #broken #love

Benjamin Davenport Aug 2017

*******

I ******* hate my life
Why the **** do I have to deal with all this strife?
Dealing with an autistic brother really is a bother
Why the **** did I have to lose my mother
**** wouldn't have turned out this way
Everything would have turned out okay
Instead I get to deal with all this ****
**** that won't be resolved even if you have some wit
Because of the way my life has developed
That's why I look it in the eye and say, *******.

None of this exaggerated btw. I actually mean all of it. I'm so ******* ****** at how my life has turned out. It's a bunch of ******* *******. And I know it's not cool saying that about my brother but the attitudes he gets ******* ****** me off. He doesn't respect me and I'm his ******* elder.

#rage #anger

Benjamin Davenport Jul 2017

My everything

You are my everything
In the future I'll present to you a ring
I'll love you forever and ever
So don't think of yourself as inferior.
You know I'd do anything for you
Just to show you how much I love you boo
I know that you want to become strong without me
But I can't help that I want to help you wholeheartedly
When someone I love is struggling
I can't help but want to do some rescuing
I'll try to tone down my hero complex though
So I won't have to ever hear you say, "If you love me, let me go".

Things between Hannah and I keep changing and I don't like it. One moment she's happy and in love with me and the next she's feeling like no one cares about her including me. So that is what inspired me to write this poem to show her that I do.

#love #strength

Benjamin Davenport Jul 2017

It's okay, I'm used to it

It's okay I'm used to it
She broke my heart and doesn't give a ****
I wish I could rewind time
Return to a time when everything was fine
Before I ever met her
Before we ever had each other
Before she pretended to love me
Now I know she never did, not entirely.
Being mixed up in her world made me do things
Something that can't be recognized through just feelings
She made me start to cut my arm
Never did I think I'd commit to self harm
Self harm coming from experiencing a heartbreak
A heartbreak from that stupid *** snake
I'm so completely done with this ****
But it's okay, I'm used to it.

The first time she broke up with me I started having these self harming thoughts and then when she started to ignore me leading up to this second heartbreak I actually started to cut myself but it didn't puncture my skin because my knife was too dull but I do have some pretty nice scars. Maybe I'll start again if I don't find a new girlfriend soon.

#pain #selfharm #hate #numb #distraught #jaded #dark

Benjamin Davenport Jul 2017

Overreaction

Okay maybe I overreacted
I get that way when I feel isolated
Being out in the world all alone
Like before everyone had a phone
I didn't really mean what I said
I just get that way when I feel emotionally dead
I was feeling like no one understood me
It was breaking my heart internally
So naturally I lashed out at them with frustration
But now I know that was an overreaction.

So Josh(DaddyKiller), Holly and I made up and we're back to being friends. I was just having a whirlwind of mood swings in one setting.

#exaggerated #feelings