Everytime I think of him my heart dies another death.

these days,
your eyes are sad and cold
and
there's a noticeable gruffness to your voice
these days

these days,
your clothes are always ripped
and
i seldom see you smile
these days

these days,
you're silent like a ghost
and
the faint smell of cigarettes sticks to you like glue
these days

these days,
i never see you without a bottle
and
i'm unsure why, but you always carry needles
these days

these days,
a man is always on your arm
and
then there's a new one the next day
these days

these days,
i don't know who you are
and
i wish you would come back
*always

EDNOS is:
 confusion.

-starving for days,
 then bingeing every day for a week.

-puking until you see blood, 
because you failed yet again.

-starving again, 
because you’re too fat to function.

-puking some more,
 because you’re not strong enough.
EDNOS is: 
manic.

-running for hours,
 because running makes you thin.

-exercising in the early morning,
because every minute counts.

-constantly fidgeting, 
because moving burns calories.

-counting calories like a pro,
 because everything has to be exact.

-organizing everything,
 because it calms you down.
EDNOS is:
 horrible.

-pulling your head out of the toilet,
with tears running down your face and puke all over.

-fake smiling at everyone,
 because no one would believe you if you were honest.

-your mind spinning 100miles/hour,
 because demons control your thoughts.

-comparing yourself to everyone you see,
 because you’re too fat to be a part of society.

-wanting to die every second, 
because you’re not perfect.
EDNOS is:
 me.

I wonder if I just began to walk
would my destination be you
I'd begin my journey and follow my heart
It seems to sing a song that's so true

I think it would direct me towards the sun
and I would readily walk the path
There'd be no need to rush
as we've both known from the start

One day I'd just start walking
feeling pulled in your direction
Moving steadily towards you
to be the object of your affection

So prepare yourself my love
our time has now come
I'm ready and on my way
my journey, has already begun

I'm just a man.
I think things can be fixed.

My first aid kit contains
Super glue and duct tape.

Any box is a tool box to me;
I'll always look for the right

***** to reattach your self-
Esteem; the right clamps to hold

Your good days together. When
You cry, I want to open you up

Gently, lay out all your parts and
Find the leaking gasket.

Collaboration with Jack

Where oceans dance on sleepy shores,
glistening beneath crescent moon breaths,
counting star drop secrets on charcoal skies
I stare at a horizon, a single shadowed line.... waiting

Into the depth of the distance, my thoughts drift
I know they will find their way somehow
I'll remain here, the closest point to you
my time, my freedom, I no longer wish to be my own

Cast upon these harmonic waves, my desires,
whispered into a sea breeze of flowing dreams,
Become one with a metronomic tide of needed current
seeking a path to your perfect heart and I breathe...slowly

Thoughts and desires now run free, seeking their destiny
the direction, always known to them, yet hindered
a moving course across the ocean, the destination, always you
wistfulness and impatient dreams will become a reality

And of this reality, these distant shores, we shall be together...
not of sun drenched morning awakenings,
nor a midnight sky of watchful eyes,
but of one love on a tireless journey, far beyond every horizon ....eternally