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The road is dark, the wind is cold with frost,
I know just where I am, yet I am lost;
I cannot ask for help, although I try,
And so I look to you in the night sky;
Your light is there, so soft, and yet so strong,
My stars, whom I have loved for oh, so long;
And as I cry to you, my mother stars,
Blurred by my tears, stretch out your loving arms
And call to me 'Sweet child, you're not alone,
My child, look up, you'll never be alone'
I cried as I walked home today because of all the stars
Sleep...
Need it?
Yes
But can I get it?
*No
Twas the day before classes
and all through the school
Not a student was stirring
but few hardcores with parasols

In strolled the boss with something to say
Who seemed happy enough hi to say
My coworker professor strolled in with a TA
I did not know about ‘til introduced to her today

Looks like this semester will be good
Unless kids come in to whinge like they often do
Be nice to me and we’ll be nice to you.
Follow that rule an do your work to

A sucessful term means you learn about what I say
Grades are degrading remember I tell you each day
Learn what I want and use it right and
I’ll give you an A… OK?

A succesful Spring 2014 to all and to all a good time!
Words can't describe what I'm feeling now
I feel like I deserve pain
I want to slam my head into a wall
Hold my breath till I give in
Drown myself in the hotel pool

It's New Years Eve so why do I feel like breaking down and crying?

My family's all here so I shouldn't feel lonely
A new year is starting so I shouldn't feel like ****
I feel like I don't matter
       I'm a nobody
What would happen if I took my life tonight?
Would 2016 miss me at all?

I wonder and I wonder
About you
         About life
                  About death
About how much you mean to me
About what I mean to you
Do I really mean a whole lot?
**** **** ****
I need something to clear my head

I want things to change
Not between us
But I just want my feelings to change
I don't want to feel lonely
I don't want to feel depressed
I want to feel like I matter again
Not trapped inside a school of fish
I feel like a tear drop in a vast ocean
So if I go, what difference will it make?

Why the hell am I thinking this way?
My life isn't ending
And I'm not going to end it
I'm shaking from my thoughts right now
My mind is scaring me
Why do you have to be so ******* perfect?
I love you but I know it's not enough
Nothing will make you mine
She's yours and you're hers
And I can't say a word about it
Why the **** can't I just have you?
I'd be the best friend, husband, father, soulmate that anyone could give
I'd be the best for you
And there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind about that
I'd give you my heart, my soul, my being
I'd give you my all, my everything
If you could just be mine
But I know that that option is out the window
We've scrapped it, shredded it, thrown it in the fire
Made a deal from a TV show that I know will never happen
Just to give me the false security
The false belief that I have a chance
**** my life
        **** my feelings
                **** my mind
                        **** **** ****

My eyes feel dry but I want them to be leaking
I want my tears to stain the walls
        And the bed
                And the carpet
                        And everything around me
I want to drown in my tears
Flood the world with my emotions
No ark will be able to withstand this hurricane

This is the worst New Years I've ever experienced
But I have a resolution:
Be a better friend
Become closer to you
Stop the suffering
Stop suffering
Stop

Breath in...Breath out
Everything will be okay
Jack Kerouac has told me so
These feelings will come and go
And my happiness will grow and grow
And my demeanor will surely show
That I'm a warrior
I've made it through the dark
This black moment in my life
This hell
Soon there will be no more suffering
But for now
I
       Will
                   Suffer
My mind was in a dark place on New Years Eve
What have I done?
I took it too far
I'm just an idiot
Yeah just a ******* idiot

How can I live with myself?
It might not seem like a lot
But even the slightest pain I cause you
Is causing me to hate myself

I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't think straight
Knowing that I've hurt you

I just want your warmth
Your love
Your everything
But I don't deserve one bit of it
Because of what I've done to you

I hope you're able to forgive me
I need you in my life
I promise I'll be a better person
If you accept my apologies

Yeah I'm just an idiot
A ******* idiot
Please forgive me
For what I've done to you
5 o'clock, I should start my homework
Haha that's a funny one
I'll just go on Facebook instead

6 o'clock, Time to eat dinner
This shouldn't take too long
I can start my work after

7 o'clock, Okay I'm done eating
I should really get my homework started
Goes on Twitter for an hour

8 o'clock, Oh **** it's 8:00 already?
I'm serious I'll start my homework now
Oh look someone texted me

9 o'clock, How the **** did an hour go by already?
That was like ten minutes max
Oh well, I wonder what's new on YouTube?

11 o'clock, Did I really just spend two hours watching videos on YouTube?
Wow I have a problem
I wonder what's happened on Facebook since I left?

12 o'clock, Oh **** it's a new day
I have school in eight hours and my homework isn't started
Well I'm not going to get any sleep so I might as well just stay up later

1 o'clock, Wow I'm so tired
Homework is stupid
Why do teachers give homework?
Whoever invented homework is dead to me

2 o'clock, Haha I'm still going
Tomorrow is about to be rough
But now that "tomorrow" is today
I have to last a full day on no sleep
Wait I still have to start my ******* homework

3 o'clock, Finally started my homework
Too tired to process anything
This homework is gonna take forever cause I'm exhausted out of my ******* mind

4 o'clock, School starts in four hours
What the **** am I doing?
Why did I have to procrastinate?
Why do I do this to myself?
I have a major problem

5 o'clock, Finished my homework
Have to wake up in an hour
Oh well, an hour is better than none
I'm never procrastinating again!
*Cycle repeats tomorrow
I go through this struggle night after night after night
Let go
Don't worry
Fix what you can **now.
I'm trying to follow my own advice first. Cause it's all my fault.
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