A year ago
I was an empty shell
Of the girl I used to be
Floating through life
With no ambitions
No hopes, no dreams.
Always looking down
Instead of at the world.
I was a wreck
With a messy heart
That couldn't be at ease.
Before I knew you,
I wasn't the happy
Bright person I am now
But you came into my life
Found me in the dark
As I was trying to climb
Out of the pit
That I had spiralled into
We slowly progressed
And I began to see the stars,
See the light in the dark again.
I made it a mission
To climb out of that pit
To feel the light - your warmth-
On my skin
Before I knew you,
I didn't know my worth
But now, I'm beginning to

I can do with you as I please you are a puppet and your emotions are the strings. I can speak just the word she. Yes she the word that sends you into that questioning state. You don’t trust him is all I pour into your mind. As I think to myself yes the show has begun… he walks through that door and then you snap who is she you scream you’re way to drunk on jealousy to let him speak. He stares at you like he’s never seen you before. Why are you here are the only words that leave his mouth. You stare at him in amazement not knowing what to say. I know exactly what to do I tug on another string and your rage starts to flare up and you ask again who is she and he answers calmly, “my wife”. You start to rant off telling him how you two were supposed to get married and he says it’s time for you to leave and then he speaks the words that make you shatter… you were nothing but an ongoing fling. I hear that and tug the string of hatred and you go bezerk and finally pulled out the gun you aim it at his head and he says what are you doing sweetie don’t do anything irrational or something you’ll regret. He looks panicked as he tries to calm you down. Then he says I thought you were going to be my perfect little secret my wonderful dream. And all you say is well sweetheart I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream. And pull the trigger as you collapse to the floor out of exhaustion. I was there to pick up the pieces and put you back together into a wonderful pawn in my game of chess we call your life….



Sincerely,

Your ***** Little Secret

I'm sorry I had let you down.
And I'm sorry I broke your heart.
I'm sorry I ended up leaving
When I said we'd never be apart.

I'm sorry I pushed you away.
And I'm sorry I let you in.
But know you were the closest to me
That a person has ever been.

I'm sorry I gave up on you
And every "I love you" I managed to say.
I'm sorry I promised to be by your side
And for the mind games we often played.

I'm sorry I'm messed up
And for every single thing I do.
I'm sorry I wasn't the one in the end.
And for not being there for you.

I'm sorry enough to say I'm sorry.
Oh, how sorry I truly must be.
To write these words over and over again
In a poem that you'll never see.

The words keep t
                               w
                              i
                               ­  s
                                  t
                           ­     i
                                   n
                                 g
                                      in my mind
               Truths and lies
       Becoming h
                             a
                            r
                             d
                          e
                              r
  ­                               and harder to find
              Blurred together
      between h
                         o
                       l
                         l
                     o
                         w
                               and grey lines
         The differences becoming
               o
                 b
               s
                  t
              a
                 c
               l
                  e
               s
                   more difficult to define
    And life has lost all its
                                           l
                                             o
                                            v
                 ­                              e
                                                  and **rhyme