don’t fall for the man who looks at you like an object
don’t fall for the man who can’t respect your boundaries
don’t think highly of the man who blackmails you into things you don’t wanna do
don’t fall for the man who’s spitefully erasing your name
don’t fall for the man who “never loved you anyway”
don’t fall for the man who twists your words in hopes of your own insanity
don’t you dare stumble for the man who will replace you in five days
don’t fall for the man who calls you pretty but not smart or kind or his best friend
don’t fall for the man who acts poised and proper unless he’s alone with you
and don’t you dare fall for the man who doesn’t fall for you but wants you to lick his wounds and bring you home to his parents so you can be the centerpiece on his set table while you are dying inside
don’t you dare fall for him
don’t you dare

i used to come home and cry and shake and hang my head like i had fainted
i used to see open fields and say
“it’s just grass.”
but you know i don’t mean that
cause i am moist from the rainfall
that you cleansed my ash heart with
and now the snow looks like a playful
samoyed dog
running with a purpose stronger
than a passion
leaping and bounding
i touch the heavy air with the palm of my sweaty hands
i dig up your voice from an egyptian tomb
dance in the azure illumination
becoming any creature or being i wanna be
shapeshifting into someone
more pleasurable
amounting to everything since you touched me
you are more than someone who gave me life again after these painful and obedient years
you are an angel in the shadows
in the bloodthirsty hunger of the night
stretching your hand to reach a small body who can’t seem to stop suffering
and even as i direct these poems to you
you can’t even listen in
unless you stumble upon some girl who tries to dream in a world where that is less
likely to
come true
than a physic prophecy
making the pages bleed with my admiration
of the way you cross your fingers
and comfort me during danger
i am lost but around you i am found
and i am starting to think it’s not a coincidence now

i pray that you miss me so much that it causes physical pain
miss me for being shorter than you
please look for me in every single crowd
even when i walk downtown
i wish that your car would drive by
and you could call me pretty to your mom

i pray you miss my witty humor
or the way i didn’t put up with your crap
you better miss me so much that you start to hate me  
and then relapse and love me again

you have to miss me
i can’t feel empty and hollow in your memories
your amygdala better not regret me
better not forget me

i pray you will miss me laughing at you
or having an awkward silence cause we had so much tension
miss me and remember me in the ways you tease other girls
and play with their curls
miss me in the way you call other women by nicknames but they aren’t as cool as mine
miss me in the blanks of your imagination
did you ever dream of me while asleep?

i pray you won’t be clueless when my name is brought up in conversation
don’t forget you liked me in fourth grade
miss me in the way you can’t seem to erase my name cause i am haunting you
miss me in the sparks and flames and infatuation we had for each other
mutual discomfort

and i pray i will never be too far that when you are older you will forget i even existed
begging that you will think of my lips in your dreams and kiss them
but you know i never loved you in that way
i always wished you would go away
and cry and get cut like i was from you
but i would always wish your arms would somehow be next to mine
in the classroom

and lastly
all i wish is
you will remember me
when you watch “lifestyle” youtube videos
and think about short stories