I started writing again in hopes that it would take my mind off of you. How naive of me to think you wouldn't be my next muse.

What would you do if I knocked on your door tonight? You used to say I was always welcome anytime. Does that offer still stand, or has it expired? If my name popped up on your phone, would you answer it or let it ring? You said I could call you if I needed you, but that’s the thing—I never needed you, and I still don’t need you, but God, I want you so badly. It’s been 20 days and I can’t get you out of my head, and lord knows I’ve tried.
 I just want to be in your bed with our bodies entangled as close as we can get to one another, our lips getting chapped from kissing for hours. 
I hate feeling like we are unfinished business, a half-finished house, that's waiting for the tiles to come in. I just got the call letting me know the tiles came in, baby. So come back and let’s finish building this house so I can come home.

You didn’t want to leave any words left unsaid, so we laid it all out there on the table.
But that was then, and this is now, and I just wanted to tell you I miss you. Nothing more, nothing less, I just wanted you to know.

You told me you didn’t want us to have any words left unsaid that night, so I told you everything, but over-thinkers like us can never really leave a conversation with everything on the table.
I didn’t tell you thank you, thank you for making me want to be the best version of myself, and for making me feel butterflies I thought were dead forever.
I’ve had to keep my mind busy, for when it stops I always find my thoughts displaying our memories like art in a museum, I keep racing to the door, but it’s locked and I can’t escape, I feel trapped in a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
If you’re reading this I have only one more thing to say, it doesn’t come with subtext or any expectations, I just want to say I miss you.

I know I shouldn’t fall for you yet, but how could I not when you look at me with those piercing eyes and that friendly smile. You make me feel so safe, a safety I have never felt before.
We talk for hours, but when we say goodbye it only feels like minutes, I could spend days talking to you and never get bored. The first time you held my hand I knew I never wanted you to let it go, and when we shared our first kiss I couldn’t stop smiling the whole drive home.
I promised myself I wouldn’t fall too hard too fast, but here I am just hoping it all lasts.

It was 4:00 am they were laying in bed with their bodies intertwined. She looks up at him he asks her what she’s thinking about. “You scare me” she says with a soft tremble , “why”? He asks with a sweet concern. “Because you make me feel safe” he pulls her in tighter as she rests her head on his chest.

“What if”
The two words that can keep me up at night worrying or calm the wild storm within me. What if I fall for him, while I’m still not over you? What if he makes me forget us, but What if your memory never lets me create new ones with him?
What if he makes me happier than I knew I could be, what if he destroys me more than you did. What if we fight and I wish I was with you. What if he can put the pieces back together, what if he falls in love with me and I break him? What if he does what he promises, what if I learn to trust him, what if I love him too, what if we live a happy life together. But what if 10 years down the road I still love you?
-LH