I'm too much and not enough,
I'm nothing and I'm everything,
I sleep too little, wake too late,
And I dream too much, want too much, feel too much...
Or nothing at all.
I talk too much and I breathe too fast,
I can't take everything in as quickly as I should,
And I get attacked so fast,
It's like a fury , fresh,  fierce.
I am scarred by the sinews that bind me
And I am scared of
Myself.

Problem after problem plagues my life.
It cuts through me like a knife.
I haven't slept.
But I have wept.
I walk around all hallowed out.
Any feelings I have, I do not want to talk about.
I've lost too much.
I have no crutch,
To help me walk.
I fall.
I have no one to help me up.
So, it seems that I am stuck.

‪Sometimes my anxiety makes me retreat back into a dark cave where I don't talk to anyone and I try not to think about anything at all because if I do then all the other thoughts come rushing in and Im swirling and swirling and swirling in thoughts and I can't stop‬

‪So I retreat into my cave and I don't think and I don't talk and I don't do anything.

And the only thought I ever seem to let through for some reason is a depressing one.

I think about how I am wasting my short little spec of a lifetime hiding in a cave from myself and others and I feel guilty and sad and self conscious about all of my decisions.

My thoughts ******* out of my cave and I try to talk to someone. Not about my cave or about how I feel sad, but instead I ask them about them. People like to talk about themselves.

A quarter way into the conversation I start to doubt myself.

I question whether or not I am enunciating or maybe I am being creepy and asking about their life too much? Was it creepy that I asked her if her dog was still sick because she told me that last week and I don't know if she appreciates my remembrance or is unsettled by it.

My thoughts swirl around and around until I eventually just retreat into my cave again.