How is it possible?
It's not logical.
That every time I try to go see my "friends".
They are doing something else with their weekend.
They give me excuses time after time that are so stupid.
Lying to my face doesn't make me feel included.
After awhile the excuses don't matter.
Maybe it's me that doesn't matter.
I am not something anyone needs.
Your actions show that you agree.
I wrote this poem and I was very upset when writing it and I feel like poems help me feel better and it really does help me... I've been feeling this way for quite a while and it's nice to get it off my chest. Hopefully it doesn't sound stupid I guess.
Everybody has their person that they will always be there for.
I always end up being ignored.
I am no one's priority.
It fills me with inferiority.
They all just ******* off.
And behind my back they scoff.
"Everyone takes me for granted."
The voice in my head chanted.
But what can I do?
I wrote this almost a month ago but, I still think it's pretty good :-)
People keep asking me
If I am okay
And I don't know
what to tell them
I am like the color yellow.
Because loneliness is a close fellow.
If you get too much of me at one time,
You will soon be at the end of the line.
I am like the color yellow.
But today I'm feeling a bit blue.
I wish people liked me, like they do you.
I am like the color yellow.
Good in moderation.
Bad when used in excessive decoration.
The color yellow is a lonely color.
Yet all the other colors are so much duller.
I am like the color yellow.
Because loneliness is a close fellow.
Feels good to be back. I feel really ****** rn so hopefully this poem helps a little bit.
It's the end of the semester.
It brings along all the pressure.
To pass my exams.
I really hate this sick program.
The teachers throw stuff on us.
They realize they don't have enough,
In the stupid grade book.
To make it look,
Like we've actually been learning.
It's actually quite concerning.
Especially since it's an education system.
But whatever, next semester will be a repetition.
I can't do anything about it.
You'd think that'd help my stress levels a bit.
A bit different vibe from this one then my normal ones... Atleast I think... But it's been how I've been feeling so why not?
I can't help my curiosity.
And even though,
curiosity killed the cat,
I am curious to know,
how the cat died
I don't consider this a poem. But I consider it a quote. I can post a quote, right? I wrote it so I assume I have the free will to post it.
They make it a point to show,
That I'll never live up to the status quo.
They multiply my insecurities.
They make me think of them as disabilities.
They see me as an object to ridicule.
Everything I used to love about myself has been overruled.
My peers have always been my biggest enemy.
At least I now see this in all of its clarity.
It feels good to be writing again... I have been busy non-stop since I posted my last poem and it feels good to get some creative flow going again.
I imagine a world with magical things.
I imagine flying away to it on my fairy wings.
In it, the sun never goes away.
The night never comes to play.
It's just me and you in my imaginary place.
Nothing but each other to make our hearts race.
Just a sweet little somewhat-happy poem to contrast some of my recent ones. :-)
Why would I change for you?
Believe me, I wanted to.
But at the same time I wasn't going to sacrifice my personality.
All of the things that represent my originality.
I thought with you it might be different.
My identity is not insignificant.
So I told you to simply get out.
Because apparently appearance is all you care about.
Not gonna lie...
I was super mad/frustrated when I wrote this
How many times do you have to wash a sweatshirt to get all the memories washed away?
How many times do you have to push away the feelings you have until you don't feel them any more?
How many times do you have to hold back tears until the sadness leaves your system?
How many times do you have to fake happiness until you feel it?
How many times do you have to learn your lesson until you finally give up?
How many times do you have to ask 'how many times' until you realize that it never ends?
The unrealistic 'end' to our sadness has always been dangling in front of us and the truth is that it doesn't exist.
So, I see you posted a picture on twitter.
When I see it I become quite bitter.
You see, because I was in that picture.
You cropped me out.
This is the last straw, no doubt.
"My best friends!" You titled it.
But who am I to throw a fit?
I get thrown to the curb a lot.
To everyone, I am just an afterthought.
You were my top priority.
But having friends for me,
has never been a reality.
I went to a therapist last week.
I've got some things wrong with me.
Turns out I have SPD.
With lots of other "tendencies."
And a part of me wanted to be told,
That I fit the 'normal mold'.
But another part of me wanted validation.
Validation, meaning that what I felt,
Wasn't my imagination.
That's what I got.
And it thickens the plot.
At least I know I'm not insane.
I have these things to blame.
Or is it my brain?
Is to blame.
I really don't like the new format of the website. I never like change, however. So add me to the list of things to blame... for this too.
I can't keep going.
I feel like I'm overflowing.
I feel trapped in all my emotions.
They build up waiting to ignite an explosion.
My body seems to have forgotten the ability to breathe.
All of this anxiety that's been hidden underneath.
The walls are closing in on me.
"You're fine, you can do it" they say.
I strongly disagree.
I want to make everyone go away.
I am not a window display.
I don't want to do any of this anymore.
I just want to walk out the door.
I've been tired of this for such a long time.
I keep waiting for all these dots to align.
Right now, that doesn't look like that's ever going to happen.
They're all spread out without any rhyme or reason.
These dots won't connect.
I feel like a wreck.
I stuck in the middle of this.
With dots representing my existence.
Thanks for reading :-/
And I try so hard and I never exceed
your expectations that plague me
I cannot see,
In front of me
Your judgment clouds my vision.
And now I can't make decisions.
Anxiety sets the tone,
Of how I'm all alone.
I'm afraid of failure.
I just wish I was someone greater,
I'm sure everybody would agree.
I've never been good enough for anybody and I guess I should get used to it.
I feel sad and I can't explain why.
This is what I'm living by.
Because I always feel like this.
I have handcuffs on my wrists.
Depression holds me captive.
This is not how I want to live.
But do I even want to?
I guess I do.
But only because
I came to this conclusion, that was,
I am less afraid of living
due to death being so unforgiving.
Keep in mind that I'm sad but it's my own doing, so don't feel pity for me. I wrote this poem so other people might relate, not give me sympathy. :-)
Society's time clock is looking down on me.
It does so very disapprovingly.
Because for some odd reason.
Society thinks that it is treason.
That I am not in a relationship.
It goes against Society's script.
It says that I will never be happy.
Until I find some devotee.
I've never really had a real boyfriend.
Why would I want someone in which to depend?
Everyone will always let you down.
In the end they will happily watch you drown.
Why can't Society go someplace else for a couple days?
She was a girl with a soft heart.
She was a girl who thought everyone was a piece of art.
She was a girl who cared about people.
And out of the blue came something lethal.
To **** the girl who was so loving.
Oh, death is coming.
Oh, Around the corner.
Certainly she is a goner.
But what is this?
The sword that brought her death.
Did not take away her breath.
Death then turned and left.
The girl had passed the test.
The only problem now.
Is that she now learned how.
People die out of the blue.
It is reality that she now knew.
She could never view,
Life as she used to.
So it haunted her like the rest of us.
But I will stay quiet now, as this topic is something no one likes to discuss.
This poem isnt like what I usually write but I wanted to try something new so here it is
Sometimes my anxiety makes me retreat back into a dark cave where I don't talk to anyone and I try not to think about anything at all because if I do then all the other thoughts come rushing in and Im swirling and swirling and swirling in thoughts and I can't stop
So I retreat into my cave and I don't think and I don't talk and I don't do anything.
And the only thought I ever seem to let through for some reason is a depressing one.
I think about how I am wasting my short little spec of a lifetime hiding in a cave from myself and others and I feel guilty and sad and self conscious about all of my decisions.
My thoughts ******* out of my cave and I try to talk to someone. Not about my cave or about how I feel sad, but instead I ask them about them. People like to talk about themselves.
A quarter way into the conversation I start to doubt myself.
I question whether or not I am enunciating or maybe I am being creepy and asking about their life too much? Was it creepy that I asked her if her dog was still sick because she told me that last week and I don't know if she appreciates my remembrance or is unsettled by it.
My thoughts swirl around and around until I eventually just retreat into my cave again.
Why can't I be normal?
I'm way beyond stressed.
There's so many tests,
I have to pass.
I'm as fragile as glass.
I feel like I am going to break.
I hope I don't, for my own sake.
Anxiety seems to take root.
I wish I could put my thoughts on mute.
They swirl around me,
Making me feel dizzy.
I feel like I am going to break.
I hope I don't for my own sake.
I'm happy to be back from my little break.
I just have to make it look the best.
Or I will be beyond stressed.
Everything has it's place.
Okay, okay, okay, I just need some space.
Just to think.
It's like I'm out of sync.
I won't feel better until it has no errors.
I'll just keep going on and on forever.
Because once I start I won't ever quit.
Alright... I admit it.
I'm a perfectionist.
And I must say that it doesn't come with many benefits.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Here I go down this route.
Wish me luck.
I will always look for you in a crowded room.
But you will never look for me.
Because I am not who you think about as you fall asleep.
Instead you like her.
Because that's who everyone will always prefer.
I thought for some reason you'd think more offbeat.
That girl you think would make you "complete".
She was one of my best friends.
And I think that she also wants you as her boyfriend.
You and I were never together.
But I have been with you on every adventure.
I stuck with you at your worst.
If only it were reversed.
We have had sparks before.
When we were dancing on that dance floor.
But, maybe it was just my imagination.
Probably just lost in translation.
Of course you wouldn't like me.
You would probably agree.
That I am no one to fall for.
But I am one to be ignored.
Because we will never be
The sooner I learn this
the sooner I can live in bliss.
My thoughts are always going.
They show no sign of slowing.
They crowd around me.
They don't plan on letting me go free.
They need some sort of payment.
I pay with my own solitary confinement.
I'm locked away.
So here I have to stay.
Locked in my room every day.
My thoughts say that if I go out.
There will be no doubt.
That I will regret this breakout.
My thoughts make sure I know that this is a crime.
I decide to go, just this one time.
My thoughts won't let me speak.
I manage to get out a squeak.
And to my thoughts' delight.
It seems my thoughts were right.
What can I say, I overthink a lot.
She had such a big heart.
If only things hadn't fallen apart.
She missed every opportunity to live.
Due to all the fear that held her captive.
She pushed all of the people that cared about her away.
Because she was scared that they would break her heart one day.
But, what she didn't know.
That it would one day be the killing blow.
For, every person she ran away from.
(And that soon came to be a great sum.)
A chunk of her heart would deteriorate.
And something came to fill that empty space.
Soon, what was once that big heart, became a glacier.
Some believe that it was all on her.
Others think it wasn't her doing.
That it was never really her choosing.
To be ruled by fear.
This debate that took place in her head was always unclear.
I guess it's just up to you to decide.
Whether or not fear would be able to override.
Nobody likes me.
I take up space.
Those two things seem to make people hate me.
And I don't know why.
People are always mad that I take up space.
My feet crunched with the frost I walked over.
I looked up and started to walk slower.
"What are you looking at?" you inquired.
It was late, I was getting tired.
"I'm looking at Orion"
You asked "Is that a constellation?"
You sat down on a bench and patted it for me to sit.
And so I convinced myself to stay for a bit.
I told you all the stories in the sky that I knew.
And when I ran out, we made up tales anew.
Before I knew it the sun was up.
And then I woke up.
In reality, I guess we weren't meant to be.
Because you found someone else to replace me.
I guess it's time to say goodbye.
It is the middle of July,
**I hope you are happy
I wrote this like a really long time ago and I took it apart and kept the lines I liked and got rid of the ones I didn't. I even added some. Hopefully it isn't as bad as it was.
Let's talk about this.
Because I feel like I'm about to fall into that deep abyss.
So, let's listen to me then.
I want this to end.
You keep on talking about my weight.
I'm sure you do this, to motivate.
I know I'm ugly because I'm fat.
I know you all have been thinking that.
"Your shirt is looking a little tight."
"I'm sure you have a big appetite."
"Here I bought you a shirt that's 3 times the size you actually are!"
"You have a two piece swimsuit?! That's bizarre!"
Just leave me alone!
I get it, I've grown!
We are all going to die.
So why do you care so much about my BMI!?
I don't get it. I feel like I'm falling apart. Why won't they let it go? I get it but what am I supposed to do?! I can't lose weight in 3 seconds. I don't eat that unhealthy it's my genetics. Genetics will always ***** you over in the end though, won't they?
Oh boy that was rough but Im feeling a bit better now. This poem helped get out some pent up anger I've been hoarding for a while. Sorry for the little rant above but I felt it was important to not change what I wrote when I wrote this poem. :)
I hate the way he so easily strings me along.
I hate it even more that I let him.
But, when I'm with him I feel like I belong.
The thing is, I'm not the only girl he does this to.
He makes everyone feel special...That's the way he is.
I assume that all the others feel the same as I do.
The difference is that they eventually give up.
I do too but, I always come back to him.
I always will.
Of course he knows this.
That's why he never gives up.
He gives me enough attention so that I will stay.
I'm so used to it by now.
I've learned to keep my emotions at bay.
He doesn't care about me.
I am nothing to him.
But, how could I not come back when he draws such pretty flowers on my math homework?
I always come back to him.
I always will.
This is actually one of the worst poems I've ever written and it was also the first poem I had ever written. I'm keeping it on my page though because it reminds me of how far I have come with my writing skills.
I stopped engaging in the conversation.
I did so a couple weeks ago.
I stopped caring.
You were all focusing on yourselves.
As I slowly drifted away.
Of course you wouldn't notice.
You don't care about me.
No one does.
No one can.
No one will.
I am destined to a life of solitude.
Am I okay with that?
I don't know
Problem after problem plagues my life.
It cuts through me like a knife.
I haven't slept.
But I have wept.
I walk around all hallowed out.
Any feelings I have, I do not want to talk about.
I've lost too much.
I have no crutch,
To help me walk.
I have no one to help me up.
So, it seems that I am stuck.
I definitely feel stuck in this rut that is so deep I don't know if I can get out.
All of my poetry feels the same.
But, what is to blame?
Is it what I feel?
Is it the reoccurring events in my life?
Is it who I am?
All of my friends are liars.
I've been thrown into the fire.
In my head a voice rings.
That nobody likes me.
And its been telling me this for a long time.
And so, I have become a mime.
Stuck in a box.
Oh, what a paradox.
An invisible voice locking someone in an invisible box.
This poem is messy but oh well... that's how my thoughts are these days anyhow.
Every person has their own set of problems.
Everyone at one point or another hits rock bottom.
So don't tell me.
That I'm not even considered a priority.
Don't say to my face.
That I'm an ungreatful waste of space.
I don't really like this poem all that much but I'm posting it anyway sooo
My expectations used to be high.
Now they are nowhere near the sky.
People continuously let me drown.
I fall down, down, down, down,down.
And when I hit the ground.
I think about how to get back up.
I also think about how the water never fills the cup
And I realize that I don't want to.
No one even has a clue,
that I'm down here.
I could just disappear.
That would likely be for the best.
I'll just get lost in the abyss of sadness for a while.
— The End —