And people say I've changed when I know I haven't
And I'll still cry when my black dog howls at that swollen paper moon
A heartstring ripping song that will have no duet
And so I've stitched myself in lavender
And drowned my skin in water that comes from so close to the sea that my palms hold shipwrecks
But I'm still that same girl who stood too close to the edge of the road just to feel the cars whip past her
And I'm still that same girl who feels as though the love she is given will never truly be earned

If only I had a chance.
To do something meaningful.
To save a life
Or inspire greatness.

But I'm not that kind of person.

I'm not ambitious enough
To do something meaningful.
To make a difference.
To have the world remember
Not me, but what I did.

I'm not helpful enough
To save a life.
The world is too full anyway.
I'd never make enough sense
To even save anyone.

I'm not good enough
To inspire greatness.
I'm not a good person.
And I hate public view
So I don't think about standing up.

I'm not that person.

I haven't been since lower school.
When I still dreamed big.
When I still loved wonder.
When I was afraid of storms
And the boogeyman lived close by.

That person no longer exists.
If only I could go back
To make sure that person lived.
But by doing that
I'd erase me. And everything I am.

We are allowed to be unkind
To the sick, the deaf and the blind.
We gladly toss them into a ditch.
They don't matter; They are not rich.
We giggle and count what we’ve got
Laugh uproariously at those who have not.
We call our poor neighbors our inferiors
Because having money makes one superior.

It also works the same with every race.
Supremacy is about the color of your face.
It starts there and moves to include nationality.
Only Caucasian Americans match our reality.
Sure non-whites can pick our cotton for us
But, as for equality, the concept will bore us.
It says in the Bible you have to be from here
And white and Protestant, those words are clear.

And this stuff about **** and lesbians too
Not one word of that civil rights stuff is true.
My preacher told me gay people are abomination.
That’s why us Republicans support segregation.
That's some of what is wrong with our schools
Somebody has been listening to communist fools.
We need to get back to the good way things were
Before all this equality stuff was allowed to occur.

I tell you the truth, this stuff totally makes me burn.
I mean, these college-warped hippies need to learn
That this country is a Christian one, since beginning
So, we don’t want this equality stuff you’re selling.
Just shine our shoes and park our expensive cars
And we’ll tip you a little bit and there you are;
Right there in the place all of you ought to be;
Freedom is for us rich whites, it’s American history.

There will be a point
In my life
In ours lives
Where we go on road trips
And sing at the top of our lungs
to our favourite songs.
Where we take midnight swims and have 3.AM conversations.
Where we will have cool cameras and record cool things
Where we camp out on the beach and watch the stars until it fades into a sunrise
There will be the time
Where we travel the world,
And visit abandoned places.
Where we stay in cheap motels,
even though we'll be rich.
We'll get to go to see our
favorite bands live in concert
And maybe even meet them too.
We will live out off our suitcases
And run in to some complicated situations
We will be spontaneous
We'll write a book
Start a YouTube channel
And make new cool friends along the way
There will be a time
Where we use instagram not to brag
But purely to spread the beauty
Of the moments we capture.
And hopefully inspire people ,
But mostly kids
To do what they love,
Always.
But till then
I'll just sit here
On my bed
And write notes and poems,
Take pictures with my phone camera
And dream way too big
Because this is where it all starts
It all starts
With a few kids
With beautiful minds
And big dream.

i've got shelter and warmth and i will keep you safe.
i've got all of my flaws but my heart still loves the same.
i've got room to improve, i've got love to reclaim.
i've got scars on my skin but my heart still loves the same.