just one minute
in the microwave

and watch it bubble and
sizzle

greasy

slabs of fat
and all

Lord please

let me be forever
guilty

and gladly  and
eternally

doing
my penance


whit howland © 2021

SECRETS
like licorice twists
wrap around my
tongue
Couldn't let on
how I felt about you,
back when we were young
I have a story I'd like to tell you now,
I wish you were still here
It's about a sweet crush that endured a lifetime, beyond your precious years

Miss you my secret love.

We're both so scared
Scared to admit how we feel
Scared to finally commit
So we act like everything is fine

But what if we're wrong
and this loop we're in
is fate telling us something
Telling us to trust ourselves

What am I scared of?
That I'm not enough?
But what if it's true...
What if there's a reason I hide away

I know I'm not good enough for you
I put up with the liars and the cheats
Because that's what I deserve
I will never deserve you

No matter how happy I get when I hear your voice
Or how my face lights up when I hear your ringtone
You deserve the world
And I'm nowhere close

So instead I dream of you
Endless possibilities run through my head
But then I think again
I'll never be worthy of you...

The walls I've built around me have become a one-way mirror
I reflect people's happiness back onto themselves
But on the inside, I'm falling apart and no one can see
They never see how I truly hurt

So I pray to any god that will listen
And beg for even a fraction of their smile
Even for just one day
Let me know how it feels to be truly happy

But for not I'll just keep going
Walking through life in a box no one can see
All because I've become a social chameleon
Letting the world determine how I feel

The free box lies in the
Corner of the garage,
Where the crickets and the
Spiders and the raccoons live,
And the doll is slouched in the corner,
With more dirt on her than the garage floor.
Her hair is without color,
Her eyes without life,
As she stares up at the innocent
Garage salers who rarely give her a
Second glance.
She’s in the free box;
Why would anyone bother?
She’s been abused and neglected,
Despised and rejected,
And she’s finally done with it all.
She’s in the free box;
Why would anyone bother?

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

life has seasons
and I am not a flower
I am a tree
with changing colors
shedding it's leaves