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just one minute
in the microwave

and watch it bubble and


slabs of fat
and all

Lord please

let me be forever

and gladly  and

my penance

whit howland © 2021
like licorice twists
wrap around my
Couldn't let on
how I felt about you,
back when we were young
I have a story I'd like to tell you now,
I wish you were still here
It's about a sweet crush that endured a lifetime, beyond your precious years

Miss you my secret love.
I poured myself
inside your cup
pretended to be tea
your lips pursed to the rim
burning kiss
bile churns
you forgot
I'm made of sins
We're both so scared
Scared to admit how we feel
Scared to finally commit
So we act like everything is fine

But what if we're wrong
and this loop we're in
is fate telling us something
Telling us to trust ourselves

What am I scared of?
That I'm not enough?
But what if it's true...
What if there's a reason I hide away

I know I'm not good enough for you
I put up with the liars and the cheats
Because that's what I deserve
I will never deserve you

No matter how happy I get when I hear your voice
Or how my face lights up when I hear your ringtone
You deserve the world
And I'm nowhere close

So instead I dream of you
Endless possibilities run through my head
But then I think again
I'll never be worthy of you...
The walls I've built around me have become a one-way mirror
I reflect people's happiness back onto themselves
But on the inside, I'm falling apart and no one can see
They never see how I truly hurt

So I pray to any god that will listen
And beg for even a fraction of their smile
Even for just one day
Let me know how it feels to be truly happy

But for not I'll just keep going
Walking through life in a box no one can see
All because I've become a social chameleon
Letting the world determine how I feel
yea i'm really ****** sad
 Sep 2020 Lost in my Head
The free box lies in the
Corner of the garage,
Where the crickets and the
Spiders and the raccoons live,
And the doll is slouched in the corner,
With more dirt on her than the garage floor.
Her hair is without color,
Her eyes without life,
As she stares up at the innocent
Garage salers who rarely give her a
Second glance.
She’s in the free box;
Why would anyone bother?
She’s been abused and neglected,
Despised and rejected,
And she’s finally done with it all.
She’s in the free box;
Why would anyone bother?
this was written at a time when I wasn't in such a good place; I am doing much better now and I'm hoping to write more :)

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.
 Aug 2020 Lost in my Head
life has seasons
and I am not a flower
I am a tree
with changing colors
shedding it's leaves
loss does not always subtract
but yet, transform
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