Hello Daisies

Hello Daisies Jul 2020

Lost

Who am I?
When I look in the mirror I don't see me
Unsure what I see
The girl who stole my identity

She uses my name
She walks with my legs
Talks with my voice
I have no choice
But to go along
But she's not me

Not the scared little girl
Not the abused child
The whiny victim
The addicted teen
With low self esteem

She's not the scars on my body
Picked from self loathing
The obsession with being used
And crying in self pity
She's not the disgusting trash
I've come to know so well

When I look in the mirror
I see flesh
I see a girl
I see nothing
Nothing I know
Nothing I hate

I can't identify with her
I don't know her
I know fear and suffering
Darkness and tears
I do not know light
Or joy
maybe emptiness
But the one in the mirror is not me

She's stolen my identity

Do I want it back ?

Been feeling kinda good lately..not something I'm used to..kinda don't know who I am without the sadness?
Don't know myself at all.

#lost #identity #life #human #depression

Hello Daisies Jun 2020

My season

The brisk breeze through your hair
The clouds barely covering the moon
The colors that warm your soul
Autumn has always made me feel whole

I always say the best things happen
When the leaves fall down
I'm at my happiest
When the ghost run around

Just so happens that I found a connection
In my costume gown
You gave me a coat
I slept in it all night
It took away my fright

From that moment on
I felt something special
I enjoyed talking with you
Kinda scared to let it go through

As October passed and winter came
The snow fell down another day
Another true bliss of mine
To be covered in snow that shines

As I played as I smiled
I looked upon the stars
I felt warm inside yet Cold outside
There was your home to keep me alright

I thought maybe it's silly
Silly to believe in the seasons
Crazy to think the stars have reasons
But I truly did believe in

The hope that they bring me
The warmth of their brisk mornings
And their crisp nights
I knew I'd find something just right

I can't speak the words
But I can write them
And what my pen is trying to say is
I love you, and the warmth you bring me
Is even greater then
The lovely bliss of autumn
Or even the soft hope of winter

Thank you for being
Just like the autumn leaves
And falling for me

❤️

#love #romance #autumn #winter #happy

May 2020

Darsshan Nair

Heart

Those in sorrow say,
A broken heart cannot love anymore,
Yet here I am,
With a broken heart,
That still loves you everyday.

#sadness #sorrow #heartbreak

Hello Daisies May 2020

Peeled

If you've never been molested
If you think it's no big deal
If you think it's the victims fault
If you think we're just attention seekers

Just know this
I've been dead since I was a child
I can't recall who I was
Or who I ever will be
I can't feel anything
I'm completely empty

I see shadows
Of monsters and demons
I pray to a god I may not believe in
I can't trust anyone
Not even my own family

I block out my memories
Only to bleed through my dreams
I can't breathe if someone touches me
I'm shaking endlessly
I'm unable to love

I can't be loved
It was taken from me
When their hand went into me
I was broken
By a man who got sympathy

Where's my sympathy?
Where's my healing
Where's my it's not your fault
They gave it to him
Let him sin
With a grin
While I'm here
Sinking
Into darkness

I only let monsters hold me
I'm afraid of the light
I'm disgusting and it's always my fault
How everything went wrong

I'm so sorry
That you're disgusting disgrace
Touched my innocent face
Forced me into a shadow
Peeled my skin from me
Shed me into insanity
I looked so cute in my bathing suit huh

And noone ever came
They never stopped it
Always ignored
Always devoured
So please understand
I will never heal
I will never deal
And I will continue to peal
Until my body dies
Along with my soul

Quarentine has my trauma raised up and I have been denying it this entire time but I guess it's really hitting me tonight

#**** #hurt #depression #trauma #ptsd #graphic

May 2020

JaxSpade

Slow Ride

It's a slow
Slide
Down
The arrow s
Heart

Where your soul pumps blood
Near the knife
she left inside

There's no need for you to cry
For no pain
Can ever take away

Her eyes

And there's no way
To change the blue
To sky

When your world has said goodbye

It's a slow
Slide
Down
The hurt

Sometimes the pain
Is so much

You can't feel at all

You suffer
Yourself

Down the slide
Of the lonely
lost

Deep inside your
Clusterf#!$k

You find..
your thoughts

Hello Daisies May 2020

Magic

I was born a witch
Magic runs inside me
You called me a heathen
Cursed me to a doomed life
I see magic in everything
But unable to open it inside myself

I search endlessly for a cure
You were cruel and unkind
Told me I'd never find one
Everytime I give up to your whim
My tears fall and magic hits the floor
Losing another part of me
What was my destiny?

Still I hope
Still I believe
Only so slightly
But when I see
The stars on a clear night
The moon shining under a cloud
I can feel it surround
Every part of me
The stars shine for me

I haven't looked up in so long
I think I was
        so
                   close
To breaking this horrid curse
It became stronger
I am falling
harder
I hold on to her smile
I hold on to his warmth
To the music that beats
with me
To the laughter that
escapes me
To the peace in their eyes
the misty autumn skies
I hold onto that magic
I know I'll find it within me
I know I can break free

You won't rule over me
I was born a witch
And nothing can change me
Magic is coursing
   forever
       ~through me~

#magic #depression #abuse #pain #hope #love