I am a victim of my own design
creating tragedies in my own mind

I was afraid to touch the glass
It would undoubtably have left a mark
One that had the power and girth
To ruin the life I've built on Earth
If I forgave myself for peeking inside
Would my heart have survived the violent desire
Or the pain that my want would have birthed
I would have to learn to forgive myself
But would God have forgiven me first

She is turning
Some parts face the sun and burn raw
While others rest in shade until its their turn to be to peel away
She is slowing turning into the person she was meant to be
And feeling each phase of the process
Through pain
Through stretching
Through breaking
Throw cracking
She is turning
And thats all that matters...

I think of her often
This beautiful force
I followed her into my head one night
And got lost

It started like an ending
And began as it finished
Even found its all missing
Running fast as it walks slow
Becoming bigger as it was growing smaller
As absent the present mind
While it was becoming something, it was nothing
Broken fixed things
Opened already closed eyes
Melted ice solid in the cold of the warmest air
That was the truth of the lies
And as dead as it was alive

Why do poets write in silence?
And garner words below their eyelids,
In gutters of depths that are never quite clear,
Or rifles with full magazines in their holsters?
Are they deserving of a life so riddled,
And caramelized in rhyme and rhythm?
To charm the tales of tempests and oceans,
Cursed with the gift of describing its emotion.
That plagues the shores of their lonely islands
With no other option but to write in silence.

You silly girl
Stretching out of your habitat to seek ways to get hurt
Lending your heart out like pieces of furniture
For other peoples comfort
You use your lips like billboards
Directing everyone to your inner most parts
That you avail like parking spaces for them to stand until it's time for them to go home

I want you to be careless with your love
And breathe so deep it stings your lungs
Don't treat what we had as a flavor you should savor
Go out and make me angry with your behavior
Dance unrestrained to the songs that I hate
Disappear with the sunset and stay out late
And be unapologetic about the things you do
Because I've been doing all these things since I left you

i sold out
i'm sold out
i filled the auditorium
because i advertised what they wanted to see
but i'll rather cut myself on mirror glass than look at me
i show you you
because you like you
i like that you like what you see
but it's not me
my smile is known
because it's already been shown
i'll rather cut myself on your teeth that smile with my own
you like my fashion
because i'm wearing your skin
its neat and clean
but it's too tight for me to fit in
i look like all your reflections
but watered down versions
plastered up images that show year round
nothing new
its just you
but its image filled room
i wonder how much people would still remain
if they knew they were looking at me
dressed in your face

I wish my days would end in peace
Not in a rummaging of details I picked up along my way out and back into bed
And the silence was a ferry to sleep
Not an open sea raging again in against the shores of my head

My heart is a messy place
I don't clean up often
My emotions lay about like worn jeans and pile up at every corner
Murky tears that were long bemoaned
Lay inside my pillowcases long after they have dried
And make heavy a light thing where my thoughts reside
Shadowy folks have  unmade beds  
Though long beparted
And declared dead
Many things that was once fresh
Have now grown brown reached their Autumn
They still roam the halls and vents
Like after tastes of mint long after the in scents have burnt
Every possible surface is stained with faces
Shelves are stacked and layered and stuffed
And though I rummage for space
There is never enough
Not for an ant
Or a hand
Or a new thing
Just room enough for me
And this big old mess of memories

Mothers watched boys being stolen from their beds
In the midst of their dreaming
To become men that couldn't fend off the nightmares when they slept

Bitter sweet remnants of my adolescence
Make blue lumpy goo in the corners of my mouth
Purple teeth surrounded by a blood red smile
Candy never lied to me
Sticky wet rich peachy blocks of sunshine and sliding board joyfulness
Perhaps the only truth that ever graced these lips were chocolate covered
And I burped them all out
Cradling an aching stomach before supper time
Too much sweetness rots your teeth and comes out in streams of painful brown spit
The truth is always more destructive coming out then going in
These plastic wrapped morsels can **** you
So, as teary eyed children, with our tails wagging lowly in between our knees
We leave the candy shop

Sometimes I breathe
Sometimes with ease
Sometimes my breath even gives relief
But sometimes like most times in life
Breathing and believing that it should feel nice
Is nothing but a dream when you've been suffocating on inside

I'm not deep
I'm just a still murky pond
That fooled a naked eye
Wanting to take a dive

They said I don’t connect
I’m an island at best
My shores leave no doors for ships to meander in
I have some sort of infection causing an alien imperfection
In the middle of the space between my outer and inner section
And as a result of natural selection

It requires human intervention

To produce a cure rather than a prevention
I know I’m not attracted to human interaction
They say this is a reaction to the way I feel abandoned
Or some **** of that standard
That I’m not really aware was apparent
But here’s an idea of what defective is
We had a conversation and I could barely get a word in
So put that in parenthesis
And forget I ever mentioned it

But before you go and question me
Look inwardly and a reflect a beat
If the quality of your conversation is so impeccably pristine
Then why the heck intercept my life with your analogies
Of the way I don’t stay in the hay of your society
And be bought by the back and forth of whats right and what couldn’t be
Or whats possibly normality
Or something that just might look like it
I cut myself loose from the discussion of that entirely

So if you gonna look at me
For whatever reason that may be
You might as well surrender to see
That I might just be
The only normal thing
About this whole **** topic, I’m openly addressing

Sophie, does your mother know you're here?
Has your dad any idea you're out with me tonight?
You have but 17 years to your name
You're smiling at me all the same
Like the rivers and the oceans couldn't keep you away
You're sailing off to neverland in my car tonight
And you'll be gone with the light
Cheering cans of beer, glistening ear to ear
Like the princess that you are

Scars and scabs
Come leaking out in drips and drabs
After events that occurred  
And events that shouldn't have
Sand on soles go walking into shoes
And embed themselves there within
Shards of glass buried deep under the skin
Wiggle their way to the surface again
And when life warms to the call of the sun
We pack it all back, for morning has come
Old things get beat down until purple and plum
For newer less blue things to be squeezed under thumb
I worry about my mind and its multitude of storage rooms
Filled with undealt with boxes and musky fumes
Now stuffed to capacity
Those come leaking out too
They tare through the surfaces that have long since been plastered  
And sawed down and painted and polished afterwards
Now my body, heavy and ***** with these returning things
Sheds them part by part in painful rebirth
And after I've been made naked of these morsels in my mind
I'll pack new boxes in my empty  storage rooms from time to time
For a peaceful heart is a dozen a dime
But none is as interesting and messy as mine

A spoonful of honey to engage my tongue
And the rest of the healing has ever since begun

Still, I drift
I thought I lived myself to pieces
But bones will shift
when your body doesn't need the space it's been in

rich body
poor body
under the sand one day will be your body
after days of standing in the store sobbing
about the price of milk and soap and coffee
a heap of flowers with a tomb stone in the middle
your name and date in polshed granite scribbles
For what is a grave
But a man and his perceptions
a body with hands cracked of services rendered
forget long lines at shopping mall centers
because under the sand none of that will be remembered
then days of your thoughts will be ages away
and the grass and thorns will weather your grave
so rich man, poor man, master or slave
from deep into the future or way back in the day
opinions are futile and will fade with your name
so don't be too proud of the inventions of your mind
For when you leave they will soon follow behind
though the world will be there for us humans to criticize
Eventually every word will be buried inside

She walked away the winter after last
I watched you cry on your guitar as the feeling passed
But you'd never stop to think
That it wasn't meant to be
You stitched your entire heart to her memory

Am I what I fear?
When she's so frighteningly near
Almost ear to ear
Closer still my dear
Close like the sea to the pier
A bee to nectar
Monarch to his sceptre
She's the sun on my receptors
Her skin has a temper
Like piping hot embers
It burns through November
In the African weather
My skin turns to leather
And I crease under pressure
That I almost whisper
What is kept under murmur
Still she comes hither
I'm at the end of my tether
So I let the words flutter
And escape through the stutters
Of my mouth as I utter
Things we should never mutter
To ourselves or each other
Come sunshine or thunder
But she's a storm like no other
And when we came close to each other
She destroyed my shelter
Drenched I stand here to tell her
While she's so frighteningly near
Almost ear to ear
"Come closer my dear,
For I am what I fear"

Today I am a drifter
Bouncing on the strings of time
I am not a part of the past or future
I'm just here, enough and drifting
Who knows who I will be when tomorrow begins

I don't wanna listen to you anymore
Spilling your icky gooey brain all over the table
Fingers turn to fists
Turn your music into discs
and I'll be in the car on my way home
With the powder still on the tip of my nose
Smells better that fresh air
Taste better than the blood I tasted on your tongue
Sit, it feels better than sitting on the hood while we go at 60 in a 45
he thinks about pineapples, I think about plums
I sip coca cola, he drowns in ***
No matter the amount of love he's in
Feelings are paper thin
As his words increase in amount
And loses track of what its about
He loses his mind
Because most of his brain has already leaked out

And suddenly the rains a thing of beauty
Because I saw the rainbow shine out of the halo on your head
From the right side of the bed

you are words
you are tea leaves
sun dried things
and pillow feathers
orange faces and brown arms take you as their own
you were known before you were known to them
us cave people know very little about things beyond our door steps
the sight of you burns straight through our pure white sheets
places that see you, see very little light and bird droppings
but you are smoke
that travels far beyond roof tops and clouds
and give the air an acidic taste
thank you
for who you are

She said sunlight and water
through Spring and through Autumn
Just keep your love warm and
let it sprout without boarders
without care and without warning
and your garden will keep swarming
like the bees and the hornets
build their nests in the tallest
branches and corners
Just sunlight and water
Is all you need

Brian only knew that he felt alive. Nothing else…

Her hair on his arms as they danced, her heart in his hands. They drifted across an empty floor. He knew just that she made him want to be there, and nowhere else in the world. it’s all he could think about, yet even in this childish state, he knew more than she did. She knew how to dance, that much was clear. But she didn’t know she was dancing with wolves. She could play a beat, but tonight she was playing with fire. The kind that burns villages down.

The music kept them alive, like gas does a flame. The air pushed them around, like the children they were. That pure energy brought by fearlessness and stupidly at the same time to bring a mood to life that never existed, but was created for just this moment.

You're a windy person
fall into my windows and disturb my curtains
Stir my paper
Lift them with your windy arms
Make my hair a mess
And blow sand through the mesh of my dress
Carry with you flower petals
Moisture
And scents
Oh windy person
Move someone as still and motionless as me

I took some time off yesterday
But, to my dismay
when I came back the world was still the same
not a speck on the leaf was out of place
And I had a feeling no one knew I had taken a break

Curses
Buttery words
your verses
hidden behind dark lines that drip from your lips
Rabid fox
scared puppy
to scared  to share how he feels
out on the front line
hidden behind the washing machine
Trying to act as if I can't see him
Trying to act as if he is a brick wall
But, you my dear, are just sand
sand that warps and crumbles in my hands
and falls on my toes
You're perfect
You're a mess
Held together by cigarettes and whiskey
Scream on, my perfect storm
Until the rain stops and there is yellow on the horizon

I put my heart on a piece of paper
and threw it into the ocean
hoping that it would lead it further that my body could
but waves and currents spat it back at me
and told me to put it back in my chest
with the damp piece of paper
dripping in my hands
I asked the ocean how it could be so cruel
the waves retreated and left carved in sand
that hearts were not meant to be led by a guide
but rather they should carry our frail and lifeless bodies
to more destinations than any ocean could

Talking about your problems as if they make you different
Making small news of suffering to make the face look magnificent
While pain weathers the feathers off ofthe surfaces
Of so many who never share their problems

Talking about your problems or talking in vain
Talking about my problems when I know I'm in pain
Talking about my problems does make me feel sane
Talking about my problems like leaks from my brain
Talking about my problems to create a new frame
Talking about my problems to make me "okay"
Just talking about my problems to make them go away...

We're naked in you car baby
Driving slow
Are we're doing this or not baby?
Let me know
We're losing heat and losing fast lately
I'm getting cold
If we're nothing take the next bend drop me at home

To the love I never had
With a drink in my hand
Although the days were never bad
And enemies never glad
I'll still be sad
Even if only by a tad
For the love I never ever had

I cried until I forgot I was crying over you
By then I was just crying because it was the only thing I knew how to do

I have you ever felt the rain
drip and drop directly onto your brain
And rinse his face right out of you memories
Causing a puddle to form under your heels
That eventually creates a river
And while the rain water causes your arms to shiver
You collect the broken wood from the wreck the storm left over
To build a bridge and cross right over

I drift in and out of You
As if I am the air You allow to slip in between your lips

You are the shore line and I am the waves
Ever chasing You, grabbing at the parts of You I can never saturate

Evern the ocean thirsts after you
You are the moisture the desserts wish they knew

Diligently, I leave my umbrella behind when the sky look gray
But You are the clouds that never bring rain
With my chin to my chest as the sun shows up again
I know that when the clouds fill the sky, I'll be waiting there again

She is a blossom of a spring flower
His shoulders as broad like two stable towers
In spring rainfall, in gentle showers
Swear there is no greater love than ours
He is a beam that stretches to the clouds
Head sweet and pretty and savvy and proud
Her eyes carry punches that crack gravel ground
Brown and deep, and potent and loud
Come at my chest until all desenses are down
Swear there is no love greater than ours
As good a frame with us in the middle
Either one or the other
Who can solve such a riddle?
One has a heart
But so does the other
Sand off the edges and call me a lover
One has the sweets, the other has the sours
Yet both has me with such unfamiliar powers
With wrists to the sky, and no place to cower,
Swear there is no love greater than ours

The strongest relationship I've ever known
Is the one I've had with my loneliness.

i fall and shatter into so many pieces
that leave splints and gashes in so many people
that they fall and shatter
and lay here with me

He was so heavy
That she eroded away under him
But his body craved into her all the feelings her muscles were designed to react to
So she allowed herself to get grinded down into sand

And that's how the desert built a river...

i don't breath anymore
i just let air pass through me
i am a vessel through which it travels
and becomes something else
something new
something it was always meant to be
i am its beginning and end
and it is the material with which i create
and form new creations
that couldn't have been without its life giving powers

we need each other
to be
and to become

Cut like diamonds
with parts undesired
he stood on his lonesome
while heaven admired
the curves of his shoulders
and behaviour to be scolded
he was feminine but potent
neither David nor Moses
caught me like a net could
with the softness of manhood
both eyes and mind and brothers understood
like he knew they would
swayed in a dance
melted like glass
oh to understand
the essence of man

The future is a beautiful and terrifying place

Why do my eyes want to see you?
When there are there are constellations and mountains and sunsets to look at
Yet my eyes are not satisfied until they find you
With your tired eyes that shut slowly behind the steam from your coffee mug
While the flowers are blooming and valleys are forming and cherry blossom petals are fluttering to the ground
I'm gazing over at you
My back turned to any other sight that could be more fulfilling
What more is there to see after I've spent hours facing you?
Why do my eyes tear when they can't find your face?
I have already found every freckle on your cheeks
Smile and make them dance for me
Let those hidden creases below your cheek bones bend and breath when you let your laugh out
Throw your head back and let those curls take flight
Just be you doing what humans do
Reacting to things as a human being should
As I'm reminded that most things are more worth seeing
Than a basic normal average human being
My eyes widen and whisper to me
"This is the show we came to see"

***** the future he says
Now just seems like more of an interesting place to place your feet
Tomorrow exists only if we make it past this point where we find ourselves
So take a breath baby, and let it out only of when you feel the ground pulling you forward

we spent some time in the wind
and then drifted off to other things
we allowed the air to shift us apart
so we could land wherever we belonged
I was happy to know the person I knew
so I didn't hold on to the parts the wind took
it had better plots when it blew us away
and never intended for us to stay

I've been lower down on the hill since birth
And I'm jealous of those who are higher on the list
Who never felt or feared the thirst
Of those who didn't get to get to the top first