Malia: Favorites

That time again
Leaves have fallen
Gathered and clustered
Curled in lane corners their
Lifeless backs to the curb
Still too slape
And limp to crunch
Lying and waiting as
Winter creeps closer
Night by night
In the darkening months.

Nov 2019 Malia

lost and

Nov 2019 Malia

dog pillow

lost and

It finds me first
In the space beneath the lungs
A rapidly cycling movement
Trickles down, seeps like a sponge

The pressure lifts my breath up now
Faster
Faster
In and
Out

The feeling I have punches my gut,
And claws its way straight to the mind.

I wish what I’d found weren’t so devastating.
I wish I didn’t find it this time.

Nov 2019 Malia

Untitled

Nov 2019 Malia

M

Untitled

death:
I am ready whenever you are

Nov 2019 Malia

cheat sheet

Nov 2019 Malia

Lizzie Matthias

cheat sheet

i'm a cheat sheet
a cheap sheet
look to me for answers
learn nothing yourself
maybe you tried before coming to me
or maybe you just forgot
i'll help,
i'll help,
no cost at all.
i have the answers
and you'll use me.
then discard me
and forget me.
just a last resort anyway.

Nov 2019 Malia

Actually, i’m hungry

Nov 2019 Malia

Kellin

Actually, i’m hungry

for more than moms affection.
my body is screaming for food.
and tonight we get the
real deal instead of
our usual fast

or flash-

frozen repast.
but any food is my
friend because it’s under
my control, unlike most of the
rest of my life. i eat when i’m sad.

i eat when i’m lonely. i eat when
i hurts so much inside, it’s
either eat or find an
easy way to die.
the only

time i

can’t eat to
total contentment
is when daddy’s around. “no
daughter of mine will wear double-
digit clothes”, he said once, and meant it.

#hate #abuse #eatingdisorder #purge #fast #family #lonely #hungry

Nov 2019 Malia

Does the Tunnel End Soon?

Nov 2019 Malia

Tyler Smiley

Does the Tunnel End Soon?

I haven’t weighed myself in weeks. I have this incessant itch inside of me longing to know what numbers I ring up to be. But everyday I hear another gnawing voice say,
“You are not a number, you are a person. A number does not define you. What defines you is your kindness, your efforts, the way you live your life.”

But what happens when the way I’ve been living my life for the past year and a half has been nothing BUT numbers and scales and nutrition labels and dysmorphia. What happens when my efforts have only been reduced to reducing myself? What happens when kindness overflows towards others, but I cannot even look in the mirror and say “I love you.” What happens when you are completely consumed by something that refuses to let you consume?
-Does the tunnel end soon?

#eatingdisorder #dysmorphia #anorexia #recovery #progress #prose #poetry