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Veronika Jan 10
The taste of fresh white
The scent of his neck
I want to forget
And live on to regret
If you only gave me a thought
I would be yours
I would be used
And you can paint my body black and blue
Like I know I deserve
Like I know I’m worth nothing
You are the beautiful lie
In snow
In gold light of a cold sober morning
When the soul is full of bird song
And the skin yearns for the sparks of a log fire
Veronika Oct 2020
When it rains, the sky blue-black
When scars re-open
When eyed are wet
You are a friend
You are the secret garden
I have not discovered in full summer
I wish rain to fall on your soil only to make you grow
I hope clouds only exist to shade you from scorching suns
And when we bleed may we share the hurt
And when we laugh
I know we are women
Girls, sisters,
And are enough.
  Nov 2019 Veronika
LLillis
The coldest night air
Seems no different than the
Space around the stars.
The mercury is dropping faster then we expected. It’s not quite polar vortex weather yet but the dry air and static warns of its approach.
Veronika Nov 2019
it moves
like the moon: full to crescent to nothing at all;
existing all the same until the next phase

it burns
like a knife; eventually less, as the knife gets blunter,
the desire gets weaker
Veronika Nov 2019
The lights inside your mind
Flashing from the inside
The mirror smiles back
So sad the lengths you have to go to
To escape you to find you

The night does not exist
Heart beats to the melody
Seeking something it can’t accept
Nothingness is the greatest escape
Veronika Oct 2019
She has plenty of room
But he chooses his own
He comes over
And she lets him,
Taking more than what is offered
(What noble love)

Cry in the dark
(What sweet love)
She lights the spark
Cigarette burns
He talks about his day
But not all of it
Catches a flight
She’s full of him

And I see us, two wrongs together
Gave up 6 months ago
And walking in different directions
Continuing on a burned bridge
Looking at smiling pictures

If only you loved like I love
If only you let everything go and held me
I would be yours
I would be alive
Veronika Mar 2019
She held me in those tired, capable hands and from them I am yet to sprout
Doomed to be a seedling, an apple of the tree
Never ripe enough, never my own branches or my land
Must forever hover around you
Feeding that need of purpose  

Every button you did, every hole you sowed,
Every essay you thought you wrote
The friends you called foes
The lovers you chased away with scornful words
The meals you forced and the blood vessels that burst when you yelled
And smacked the solution to that math problem across my head
And I mimicked the blows with mirrors and ceramic objects so my skull knew what it deserved

I learned to recognise the dark
At first unfriendly and strange
Then it was the only colour I knew by heart

The kind of hurt that only more pain numbs
Bony, thin-skinned wrists
All fingers and thumbs,
Make it smile
A welcome friend: it’s me! It knows!
The fire in my head dies and turns to water,
It fills a basin it fills a sea
Then a clarity forms
A small but singular necessary piece
It is love
Within me this warmth toward my child self

You can do this
You did it when you were 12
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