As I look out the window,
Of this 4th floor office,
No birds will greet me,
But I still yearn to fly.

I don't mean..
The permanent flight,
I mean the beautiful,
Meaningful fall.

That temporary lifetime,
The free fall but I'm tied,
By ever enemy,
And my failed love.

Meaningful hopeful daydreams
Mourning weeping widows
Forever dysfunctional  kids

He was scared that he was only alive,
Because bad things have to happen to someone.

I hope you can find it in you,
To spare a smile once more.
This hurt is a full one.
This roof is a floor.
I am constantly surrounded,
I am constantly alone.
I wish I could end it.
I wish I could have known.
Your talons are digging, deep in my flesh.
It's burning.
I'm feeling, better than dead.
But that's an educated guess,
Maybe death is the best,
I do love sleep,
And I could really use some rest.

Your eyes a shade of greenish brown,
Beauty in my view,
Bags beneath your sleepy eyes,
The worlds not been kind to you.

Your skin so fare and porcelain smooth,
Fragile but standing strong,
You force yourself into my thoughts,
Haunting my all life long.

You sit and you smoke your cancer,
Ashes to the line,
You float away with one last smile,
I swear you were my sign.

All the
Time this
Machine kills.

Why do I need a foot long sub,
And a "giganto gulp" from 7/11?
Why am I taught to consume so well,
But not taught to balance my credit?
I'm getting full....
Full of  debt full of something.
Call it regret?
I didn't mean to notice it,
I'll continue being mislead.

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.  
If these walls could tick talk,
Oh the stories they would share,
Unrelenting bill collectors call,
Though she has just finished burying her husband.

"Don't spend the buck if it is not one owned"
We owned them but they were taken along with him. In this years time we will not have a house, but this future is not dim and you are not a thief.

I see humanity, but I'm missing the humans,
Every act of kindness lately has been a writers lie,
I see conformity, but no joint and just cause,
Do we live in the age where heroes are but feed for the mind of a sheep,
Or where heroes are our templates to build a better tomorrow.

Strong and beautiful widow,
I see your daily struggle.
I love you and owe you my life...

You wingless angel,
You deserve your halo.
I'm sorry for my many a strife.

Strong and beautiful Widow,
Continue your struggle,
I will make things right.

Just stay with me mother,
Our lives left asunder,
We will pick up the pieces and fight.

I love you.

Oh how we live in a way that is dying, all because we are losing doesn't mean that we've lost.
I love you more dearly than pain loves crying, though pain is all that you've caused.
I cringe and swell, at a moments notice, all that I loved was gone.
I stumbled and fell into a place where I knew, that I would never belong.
I know I will never belong.

I woke up one morning,
And it was all gone.
No thoughts of you crept into my lonely mind,
Just ones and zeroes,
Just a picture,
what's done is done.

What do I want for Christmas?
I don't want.
How much do I love you?
I don't love.
All I want, is for the page to turn,
For my nothing to turn,
Into something.

I know now,  
Life is a series of short stories.
And as bad as I want to write my own,
I hand the pen to my fear and addictions.
Will I be alone?
I'm afraid.
Will I be forgotten?
My oldest fear.
Will life pass me by?
I won't allow it.

I will change,
If not for the best,
For me.
I will be the rain,
And wash away this,
Insecurity.

For all I know,
Is that I dont,
And I am no longer tied down,
By the ideas,
Of is,
And is not.

I will get out of bed,
When I am dead.

Green blue red, gray yellows white,
This city still shines, in the dead of night,
No darkness can hold this city of gold,
No darkness can hold, Traverse.

Tire swing sways,
on the dead willow tree,
Hanged with a noose,
Just like me,
A widowed wife's tears,
Rain down on  my soil,
A lonely sad mother,
Makes my blood boil.
I am your kin,
Do not leave me for dead,
I'm buried beneath your feet,
But I'm waiting under your bed.

The tire swing sways,
The minutes minutely mute,
My best friend always said,
Those thoughts will **** you.

The lone tree stands tall
Sheltering all the children
Soon to cut her down.

My home is where our souls meet,
Where there is an endless flock of stars above our heads and a sea of green beneath our feet,

My gods are your arms and the looks that you give me,

My heaven is knowing you will be okay when I am gone.

One day I won't be here for you to fall back on, and I know you will be ready.

I'll never learn to shave,
Or how to change a tire,
But I'm okay with that,
Because you've taught me well.

"Are you crazy"?
She cried as she saw me on the edge.
"No, and that's why I feel I have no place in this world".

You told me I was beautiful,
That you'd kiss every scar,
That you could read "die",
But it was very hard.

You told me I had worth,
I'm NOT a walking corpse,
You told me that I'm something,
But you're not a reliable source.

No one  is permanently broken.

I shake because there are 7 billion people on this planet,

And for some reason it feels like everyone of them,

Is watching me, waiting to see me mess up.

I wrote a poem,
About how this new year,
Has shown me how different I am,
Than I was before.

About everything Ive gotten myself into,
Without you here to keep me on the right path.

Then I burned it,
And used it to light my ****.

I can't stop writing, or I'm afraid I'll pick you up.
On a few hours of sleep.
Rationality will soon retreat.
That! Will be my time to shine.
I'd be gone by now,
But a cowardice heart.
Beats. And begs. And screams.
It's not fair that you're still in my dreams.
I wake up crying, I LOVE YOU.
I go to kiss you good morning and you're gone.
I just want to be gone.

I was fine with being broken,
And dead, and dim.
Happy with the solitude I found myself in.
Then you came along, and turned on the light,
You gave me that putrid reason to fight,
A smile, is all it took from you,
To tear down the walls I've set.
Your voice it burned and healed me too,
Your touch forced it's love in my chest,
You are the reason I'm trying,
Please don't make this a waste of time.
I feel my heart string tying,
You've fixed me so now you are mine.

I can't shine as bright as her shimmering eyes, but when I go dull, they'll notice.

I feel like I'm kind of, maybe,
Unraveling.
Is it this lack of, sleep?
Sleepless nights hurt my body,
Won't let him heal,
I say him because I'm not sure it's me..

I hear what I see, and think what I am,
Questions overcome, this frame.
I don't know what, it is I am,
Or if I am the same.

Things sound different, and dark,
And cold, does this heart still beat?
And if it does, is it still my own?
For I don't know what's become of me.

"That's how the world works"
"That's the way it is"
You're excuses motivate me to change.

Do not grow too attached my love
I am an hour glass
I fear not death, but discomfort.

Sometimes it gets so cold and lonely,
I fear I'm the man on the moon.

I don't think it's fair that-
You got to see my first breath,
And I had to see your last.

He lay still,
Tortured by her cries as his demons scream.
He knows of no hope for a better tomorrow.
His only reason to stay, didn't stay.
His only reason to live, now lives alone.
Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?
Because now I'm addicted and crying...
Is it better to have lived and died, than to never have lived at all?
Your voice sings a response, but it' fades and disappears.
Why am I the only one, who sees that you were also wrong.?
I told you I'd do anything for you. I guess it is just my time to shine.
I will forever look down and smile at you, for now is my time to shine..

If everyday was like a dream
This insomnia would be great
But it's not, and it isn't. So **** it.

I am a prophet,
An author of my life.
I control all I need to,
And let go of what I don't.

If I was you I'd hate me too,
For all the things I've done.

Our flesh so close and warm to the touch,
You're so close I can feel you breathe,
Yet we've never been so distant.

If every living thing in the world dies alone
Then let me be dead to you
So we never must be apart.

You are the smoke, filling my lungs.
You get my so high that I can't feel the pain.
You are my morphine, my acid rain.

I'm addicted, your once sweet touch now burns and eats away at my flesh.
I'm sorry but I am not sure if I can survive your love.

If the sun loved the sky.
Like I love you.
There would be no moon,
For the wolves to howl to.

Flickering dim lightbulb mockingly,
Withers and dies ever gracefully.
Fathers verses and mothers eyes,
Empty "I love you's", at least you tried.

I lost my heart with my head in the skies,
These days dreams die short lived, just like mayflies.

I'm not defined by names or tags,
Or what I carry in ziplock bags,
I am what I try to be,
Not what this world labels me.

The part of me,
that played in the rain,
Slowly died with you.

I saw you see me, 8:30 AM,
Sitting and waiting, I saw you then,
Now I'm near, you turned away.
Cultured, departed, I'm here to stay.

I am following my dreams.
So why is my heart still so sore?
I focus on good things.
But the bad just seems so much more.
What's really in store for me?
If I am losing you, I don't want to start a New Game.
I think i'd rather hit submit,
Than hit continue.

A thousand words won't **** this hurt,
A million sorry's won't bring you back.
You own my heart,
My love,
My soul.
You own this tattoo body,
And every imperfection,
The ones I've made and the ones of from God.
You saved this soul, for as long as you could.
Even minds have an expiration date.
When I lost him my shelf life,
Was cut in a quarter, and now I'm at number 24.
I only need to be a little older,
Then I'll have the courage to settle the score.

Home is the place I wished to escape,
Now that I have, please send me back.
I miss my dog and family,
I wish I knew that growing up was a trap.

Whether
You say I'm worthy or not
You're right.

It all makes sense with eyes wide shut,
Don't ask too many questions
Or you'll surely be disappointed.

I've slept alone, how many nights.
No need for worries no need for frights
I sat and gazed through my minds eye,
You're not beside me, to care if I die.

I would ****,
To be the one,
That you go to with your problems.

I would die,
To be the one,
That fixes them.