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I'm not ready to talk about it
Don't get me shaking
Don't get me thinking
I don't want to think about the future
too late now
you tipped the cup
you got water everywhere
Why do I have to clean it up?
I met my soulmate years ago
A love I never got the chance to know
However I try to push past it
I just can't seem to mask it
All my attempts to numb this pain
Strand me to shoulder my own blame
All these conversations all this history
So well known yet such a mystery
Even as I pen this line
I know she will never be mine
Love is simply complicated
In a sea of souls I'm isolated
Somehow not myself without her
There will always just be something about her
Some feelings never completely fade, these recurring themes fill me with both joy and sorrow.
 Feb 2016 Ezra the Poet
Pixievic
That screaming banshee
That lives inside
Forever taunting
Feasting on insecurity
Devouring the good
Promoting the bad

Self blaming

The you're worthless voice
You'll amount to nothing
Who the hell told you you could do it anyway
You are I N S I G N I F I C A N T
Just a waste of space

The you deserve this voice
Take yourself away
Make room for the people who really matter
Where is your warrior now?
She has deserted you too
She was never really your ally......

Pull the pin

Just do it .......  

P  u  l l   T h e   P  i  n

Tick, tick, tick......

Wait!
A whisper
Heard like a faint echo
From across the desert
Breathing, pulsating, awake

Walk away from the cliff edge
Eyes open
To truly see
The monsters that live inside
Weeping
Let it out
Find it within
It's there
Hiding
Give it
Life
Love
And
Just be


(C) Pixievic 2016
I had a bad day yesterday!! But thanks to a few good people whose whisper  I heard, I came back from the edge - I thank you **❤️❤️
I swear I could visualize my skeleton
With so much more clarity than before
I could see how whole it was
Despite all my missing parts
My skeleton keeps on flowing through the motions,
The same bones groove together with purpose.
I owe my surprisingly healthy bones more than I give
I feel more whole as a skeleton
Please remove the rest
My motions will be smooth and conscious
Like water dripping from the faucet,
my fingers will tap with impatience.
Like a wheel tumbling down a hill,
My old bones will follow
They are the key to freedom
No wonder.
The key that opens every door
Is called the skeleton key.
~~~

when between the table and the fridge,
she wishes to pass,
and I,
obstacle roundly present,
am alerted by a gentle squeeze of my ***,
happily acknowledging the purposed duality of her

cheekiest, sweetest,
signal given


~~~

a food array presented,
paprika colored roasted chicken,
spaghetti squash salted,
salad with cranberries, candy walnuts,
even raisins hidden within and
all before me placed

she objects little,
with eyes silent uplifted
like two pie rollers in striking position,
when I commence to sup,
with my just dessert
of apple crisp,
that by coming first,
is grandly philosophized,
that today,

"the last shall be first"

~~~

she wakes me prematurely,
her only cause, the intruding concept
of her successfully doing the telling,
first one to win the everyday claiming race,
the first to say on this day,
I love you foremost and also,
"haha I win"

**** it

~~~

miscreant me,
happy loafer,
habitual offender of other things
that the censors here,
would not permit explicitly disclosing,
for which she looks wise away,
mumbling only
"half of his
addiction to cinnamon raisin loaf,
still, far, far, better

than none"

~~~

I know she loves me cause:

1) she likes unfailingly every one of my poems
(a half truth)
2) she loves best, faithfully,
those she loves the best,
that are the ones that release,
without permission asked,
those that come with a side of tissues,
at the ready,
to be emergency issued

those tissues
I call,
the ladies-in-waiting for

**the gentlest stream of tears
I see how white light startles.
I snapped a pic and she spun in circles.
She wanted a photograph
to cover her mother's epitaph,
so she could have a laugh.

She smoked to get away -
but this isn't what'd she say,
exhaling, "All we are is carbon
and a lack of empathy."

We blended into hues of
microwave dinners
and church alters.
I used to tell her to go
just to halt her.

We prayed to get away -
but that's not what we'd say,
whispering, "Help us be more
than carbon and a lack of empathy."
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