There's nothing more I'd like to do,
Then snuggle in close and fall asleep with you..
& right now I'm a lot closer to you than I've been since the last time...
The last time you were here.. I know it's been on your mind..
It's on mine...
& the last time we spoke - you asked to see me..
I said, "No," but it felt like I denied my lungs the air needed for breathing...

....Changed thoughts....

Man, I really hate crying.
I can't stop, but I'm trying.
There's no point in fighting..
Both actions waste time.
If you asked & I told you, "I'm doing fine,"
You can rest assure that THEN I'd be lying...
But I know eventually.. I'll be alright....
I can't change those who I feel crossed the line...
But I can change the thoughts I repeat in my mind.

We've been down this road before.
Each time it hurts a little more.
I really don't know what you want from me.
When we are doing good, WHY won't you let it be?
I know that you love me, don't say that you don't.
We say we can find better, but we both know that we won't.
Cause the connection we've shared.. and you know we still do...
We were a match made in Heaven, Hell, and Earth, too..
What we have in common outweighs our differences by a ton...
There's examples I can say, but showing you'd be more fun..
Like our saying, "If you know what I mean..."
Face-down, biting pillows, so I wouldn't scream.
You can not say I never tried to surprise you...
With outfits, gifts, whatever you wanted - I'd buy you...
Who's out there putting in more effort to be with you than me?
If someone else is - fine, as long as you're happy....
But just let me know, though, tell me the truth.
Don't drag me along. Don't leave me waiting for you...
Come out and say it, if you know you're not coming back.
After all we've been through, you should at least give me that...
Cause just as ready as I am to keep up the fight..
I'm just as ready for the final good bye...
So think about it long, and think about it hard...
Next time we talk - tell me.. if we're the "has been" or "are..."

Sometimes I think
I have forgotten
how malleable I can be
and how much I want
to mold my body,
like clay,
around you,
soft and vulnerable
pressed against
everything I once stood for;
why must I be so
alone?

He had that sly smile
he liked to give,
almost as if to say,
"Darling, you knew
I had these demons.
Did you really think
I'd fight them all for you
and win?"

Dear Diary:
A daunting opening,
and a lost, red leather journal later,
leaves the pen ink sweating
down the page
reminding me how temporary
all my thoughts are
and how every smudge of my fingers
is really just a desperate attempt
to forget what we've become.

I tricked myself
into trusting that I mattered
as much as I thought you did
and that every gentle touch
meant you'd work to be
everything you said you would
and that each fragile whisper down my neck
was a promise
of affection,
not a signal of coercion,
not a white lie to keep me down,
to have me resting next to your body
in shallow warmth,
lost in translation.

Eyes are windows to the soul,
but you always put down the shutters,
closed them tight when you smiled
and told me it was normal;
I believed it.

Voices in my head
Shadows everywhere

I'm curled up all alone
In the darkness of my room

I can feel the demons next to me.
They keep chanting

The same words until I give in
"Die" "Die" "DIE" "DIE"

"Okay"
I finally whisper.

I've given up.
They've won.

The tallest of them stands up
And comes near me

He smiles all creepy and whispers,
"Ready?"

I nod
While tears run down my face uncontrollably

He lifts his hand up
The one holding the knife

And brings it down
And stabs me in the heart.

I whisper
"Thank you"

Before falling over
And my heart stops beating.