I used to think i was special,
the way my hair curled,
my deep brown eyes,
freckle adorned face.

That was before the
insomnia
the nights filled with
hate and sadness

The only deep thing about my eyes now
is the black shadows under them

My hair is limp, and no longer shines with
a naturally gorgeous golden glow.

my freckles have turned to little scars
the mini battlescars of adolescence.

It hurts, I don't feel special
I don't feel different.
If I'm not unique, am i
just another face in the crowd?

I'm a musician,
theres plenty of those to go round.
I produce my own music
So does the guy next door

How am I different
How can I make myself special again?
I want to be but I don't know how.
I'm just the same as everyone else.

Should I dye my hair again?
Get a piercing on my lip?
Doing that won't make me any different from
the people who gravitate round my lower class 'burb.

Sometimes, it feels like my life is a movie
I wasn't given a script
All i know is I'm here
till the credits roll

Maybe, I'll leave the cinema early,
Leave before the movie really finishes
Wouldn't that be nice?
No one really likes awkward horror films that much anyway.

R u n
Disappear
Avoid him at all costs
Pretend that nothing happened
That in that moment you didnt get lost
H i d e
Escape
His Feelings have changed
He left his heart in your hands
This boy must be deranged
S t o p
Retreat
Halt, Don't panic
Why are you freaking out?
His motives aren't satanic
W h y
He's in love with you
You played along
Didnt you want this too?
How can you pretend nothing wrong
H e a r t l e s s
You lead them on
Fill them with delight
Crush them the next day
Make them dread that wonderful night
F r i g h t e n e d
Acting like a monster
A Cold. Cruel. *****.
But in reality your just afraid
Afraid, to be the one left in a ditch
D e c i d e
Don't do it unless your certain
If you don't love him, don't try
Your not ready for commitment
There is no need to lie
L o v e
Don't pick at the faults
All the what ifs, the possibilities
Take things slow, fall for him
Accept the responsibility
T r u s t
In him and yourself
He won't hurt you
He won't expose or leave you for dead
Just be ready, together you'll face what's ahead

~

Fingers trembling,
i softly strum
crinkling the paper, on which reads
What have I become?

A sacrifice is to be made,
one of dignity and creativity
Something must die
To salvage my sanity

First you find the chords
That hurt you the most,
the ones that become you
Like a virus, infecting the host.

And then, label this second
you find your own beat
the one that changes the mood a little,
so it isnt so bleak.

Thirdly, you'll add
poetry to match
words that sooth your soul
and for others to catch

Finally, a melody
of softly strung tears
the kind that is so subtle
to relay your fears

After that, you're done.
You're finished, all through.
You'll start again and wonder
who are you?


~

The cool breeze of the sea
Gently flowing with a tender bite
It swept around us gracefully
Shrouded in the darkness of night

The soft grass beneath our skin
As we sat upon that hill
Clear wide view of the ocean bright
The world lit solely by moonlight

A light hearted conversation dwelled
As you confessed to me your sins
Cursing yourself for your past
Losing your mischievous grin

Falling back with a soft thud
Sighing as you look up to the sky
Laying down beside you
Before looking you straight in the eye

I don't fault you for the things that you've done
I mean
We all do stupid things don't we?

A moment of silence fell upon us
A murmur of what has been said
We all do stupid things
The warmth of one another spread

Both of us a little hesitant, Our lips seemed to have met
It was gentle and kind, Soft and sweet
And in that fleeting moment my heart skipped a beat

Pulling away and hiding within his embrace
We both laughed softly, As the sparks fade away
It was merely a moment, for it was my first
But the warmth still remains long after we dispersed

Holding each other tight, as we kissed yet again
We lay in content silence, simply looking out at the sea
The lights from the city afar, appeared elegant and bright
The waves rolled in calmly, not another person in sight

I am now without a muse,
Apply for the position.
What colour are your eyes?
Are you to be my newest addiction?

Is your hair long,
curly, coloured fawn?
Or is it straight and dark,
to match your mysterious heart?

Will you mock the movies,
and teasingly hint at dates?
Or will you be serious,
Emotion, and humour behind closed gates?

Will you hide behind smiles
and laugh like no one's watching?
Or will you simply do nothing
For already, my attention, you are catching.

Whoever you may be,
I couldn't care less.
Just hurry up and materialize
So in poems I may confess.

Because I think my muse
may truly be a thought
The idea of love, it is.
My experience is nought.