I still remember the crackling sound behind that dumpster and the burning smell that followed.
It was raining, cold and windy.
Everything around us was dark except for the tobacco that lit up when I inhaled that little bit of temporary relief.
It's ironic how smoking will slowly **** you but so will falling in love with a person who doesn’t love you back.
At least one of the slow harrowing deaths comes with a nice *buzz.

I knew it would hurt if I let you touch me, but I didn't care.
I'm self destructive and I love the pain.

I was so caught up
trying not to lose you
that I ended up
losing myself

Whenever I want to cut, my guardian angel tells me;

“Every feeling passes my dear, just wait (do not cut) and you will feel euphoric once again.”

If every feeling passes, that means that the loss he feels from losing me will pass.
He will move past the feeling of long-sufferingly waiting for me.

He is going to continue on. The feeling of love he has for me that he clutches on to will pass.

The very idea of ‘every feeling passing’ is the new ideology that drives me to want to...
*slice my wrists open ruthlessly.