I don’t know
If I believe in soulmates
Or fate

But if you told me
That something
Or someone
Had planned for us to meet
And made each of us
For the other

My darling I don’t know
If I would be able
To argue

You are
Everything I always dreamed of
And
Everything
I could’ve never imagined

Your beauty may birth from shaved legs
red clown lips, gaudy eyeshadow
flimsy black crumbles beneath
your eyelid
You are ****-sun-kissed;
I am opaque.
Blotches of color
Lighten my smile

cheekbones never as sharp
as your words

I'm surrounded by these four walls,
My thoughts bouncing off of them;
Loud and clear.

I find comfort in these four walls,
Knowing that my cries for help never leave,
That when I wail at night no one can get to me.

I also feel trapped by these four walls,
They make me feel small,
The white colour blinding me when I come up for air each time.

But these four walls know me better than anyone else here,
They know the real me.
Because when I leave these four walls every morning,
I leave as a new me.

late at night, i lie awake
thinking of things i should have said
all the mistakes i've made
and signs i should've read

then think about what i can't live without
you, front and center in my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite

still, parts of you make me whole
who i am and who i need to be
i think of love letters that weren't torn up
feelings of blue and green

when i'm without you
blank page, artless innocence
i realize how dependent i've grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance

sometimes i look up at the purple sky
and wonder if you're looking too
i gaze at the colors and the beauty of it all
though its beauty would never compare to you

My wailing heart sobs
loudly in my ear
my aching eyes can't
shed another tear
I feel so helpless
looking at your pain
as you slip so slowly
to another plane.

Regrets grow larger
for you and for me
but we can't undo
what was meant to be.

And it's only a moment in time
flying swiftly out of reach
and my grief comes screaming
tearing me apart
no nightmare dreaming
this pain within my heart
and it's only a moment in time
flying swiftly out of reach.

I see your shadow everywhere
I hear your voice repeated in my ears like an echo every day
I hear the move of your feet every Monday
I smell your perfume in every flower in the world
hallucination they say

I lose myself when I walk away from you.

I know.
I'm not supposed to.

I'm meant to be strong and sure.
I'm meant to be brave.
I'm meant to be independent.

And I am.

It's just so much easier with you there.
Right beside me.
Holding my hand.
Lending me strength when I have nothing left to give.

I am independent.
I swear.

Just sometimes I don't want to be.