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Alexandria Hope Jun 2016
Clever wit and a bit of poise
That is how I master boys
Slithering, curling at my heels
Promises falling from the mouths of eels
Lies with immeasure, not a thing they care about
If a snake won't hold its tongue, I'll cut it out
With determination she levelly employs,
I am she, master of boys.

Kind precision, and a tad cruel
The girls are whom I rule
Skipping, running at my embrace
Coy suggestions, a fox on the chase
Laughter so sinister, smiles so sincere
When they expose their heart, I'll shoot it clear
With care she freely hurls
I am she, ruler of girls

Patient consideration, ever chaste
My spell over children is done with haste
Innocently stumbling, blind at my skirts
Birds crying out for attention, they know the world hurts
Fixing our mistakes, unaware of their own
Refuse my views and your world will be overthrown
Unable, yet yearning to help them,
I am she, captivator of children

Discerning defiance and a certain edge of humility,
Have I not found a way to draw you to me?
Standing still, gazing into my eyes
Old God who has seen under this guize
Watching, judging, patiently waiting
Do not challenge the power I've been dating!
She gives way, as she is prone to do,
I am she, the one humbled by you
Alexandria Hope Jun 2017
I can see the fog horn hasn't been lit
Staring at the wall of white
I hear voices of my friends, in the trenches
I can't help thinking,
"How could they all make it?
With you here, trying to fake it?”

It's icy cold in the winter
And it gets colder as you get thinner
As you pull yourself into doubt, into grief
I was in danger of slipping

Always in danger of the cliff before my feet
I've been sitting here on the ledge
But it's time to walk along the lonely ridge

Someone once told me, you've got to know your cards
If you see a bridge, well, it's your choice whether to burn it
But burning's not so easy when the match is in their hand
I tell you friend, I ran along and fell
The future has always been tomorrow, forever
But now the future's here in the palm of my tattooed hand
I can't see it, but it's glowing so brightly
Maybe I'm blinded, but it's as dark as an abyss

I see mist is floating towards me
Holding closer, dreams ignore me
Will I ever escape, will my boat come in,
Or did it sink?
I sit and think, again.
5 years and I'm still as lost
Alexandria Hope Jun 2018
I get back up, every time. I get back up.
So maybe I don't get back up the same. So maybe I'm a little lost
And a little bruised and a little fed up.
I get back up. And I let you look down on me and belittle me,
For staring you hard in the eyes and panting as I hoist my weight off my knees and elbows, and rise back up to spit at your feet.

I let you see my tears and my pleas and my need, so maybe it's not your fault if you've forgotten
All the times I've gotten back up from having fallen,
And I do it on my own all the time.
I don't feel sorry for how many times I've grabbed a shovel. I feel sorry you haven't seen all the things I've buried and gotten on top of, when I've used the shovel to dig myself out instead of hitting rock bottom.
What it is, is a pity you forgot everything that made me strong.

Because I will keep rising, long after you're gone.
Alexandria Hope Sep 2015
To encumber our mortal minds, and rapt our decaying bodies.
For we are not eternal creatures, but the product of that which came before us,
Of what we hope becomes of our lives, after we have long gone.
In doing so, we fancy ourselves immortal, in this vast, unforgiving, unfeeling state of our own creation.
Immortal in the hereto from the heretocome, not in flesh, but in soul....
We are all of us, searching for the things that make sense.
Yes, and we are all of us, falling short.
Alexandria Hope Jun 2017
"What happened to her?"
It's better if you Don't. Ask.
See she wears Depression on her face,
In bloodshot eyes and dark circles,
In early age lines and pale cheeks,
In bitten, chapped lips.
You want to ask, "what happened to her?"
But it's better if you don't look too closely,
Or the spider-web cracks across her porcelain mask
Will break
You can already see the black smoke eking through
Joined to the shadowy frame of the one who walks beside her
Caressing her filigree skin and flicking a lighter.
She says, "I want someone to take the pain,
**** it, smoke it, love it, beat it, praise it, blaze it, lemon-glaze it,
Kiss it, kick it, shoot it, carve it, wear it, taste it, light it on fire."
But all we ever say is "you're looking so much better now"
So much better now.
Like a marionette in a little side show, colorful, with ribbons.
A broken smile, and sad, sad eyes.
So beautifully tragic, it must all be for show.
Though the silver she draws with, its ink a bright red,
Is more telling than any lie she has fed
Fed on, cried on, choked on, drowned with, like a gluttonous pig.
So what happened to her? And the life she once led?
Those honeyed dreams turned to mutinous greys in her head?
It's better if you turn away and smile,
And pretend your heart inside isn't as dead,
She only wears the pain most hold inside, swallowing a painful life from a flask sewn into the flesh of her hip,
It's better if you didn't ask.
Alexandria Hope Dec 2017
Empty aching, missing, forgetting
Waiting on a face to appear
Through cloudy memory,
Do you remember me
Dancing through our minds
of smoke & mirror.

Aching, missing, forgetting
Waiting.
Alexandria Hope Mar 2019
It was never you. See, you don't exist.
But the people who love you,
Who feel much like this,
Write words you might say,
And things you might do

If you were real enough to help a girl
Find meaning from loss, and uncurl from the pain,
And return to the world
And see, wondering makes me feel
What if you were real? And what if I remain?

There are people who help others, through stories of you.
And I think you'd be proud. If you were real. If you knew.
Because characters are fiction, but their influence on us is real.
Also somebody (me) has been down enough to read Character/Reader comfort stories again. I swear. Best evolution from self-insert fics from when I was a young teen.
Alexandria Hope Oct 2017
My lipstick's all over my face
Don't want to do this
You told me to be brave
I'll leave pieces of me in all 50 states
....instead..

Tried being perfect, tried being worth it
Tried being an outlet for plugs and giving my energy
To light broken bulbs which shattered in front of me
Even if they weren't broken, I wasn't enough to keep them lit

Netflix and chill,
You really just meant Netflix. Didn't you.
But this time I'm on the pill?
I didn't offer you my heart, I think you're being too greedy
Paying attention to my hand and the TV
I went through the trouble to disconnect my body
Why won't you just take me

See I'm tired of sleeping on my own and gazing at others' souls
When they'll never be home maybe
Just looking for baggage that goes with mine and
A temporary halfway house to stop for the night would be fine.

But my chin's red and my eyes water, my headache's screaming for my voice to be softer, I'm trying to make it right
I only wanted someone for all my life.
Alexandria Hope Feb 2018
Who am I?
Behind this screen,
Am I the culmination
Of all I might have been?
And where were you-
When it all came crashing down?
Alexandria Hope Jan 2020
I'm not quiet.
No, I don't make sense.
I only try to make small recompense.
I can't sleep. Never could sleep.
Not that the racket you keep on helps at all-
But I've still tried counting sheep.

I'm explosive. Corrosive.
I guess I've eaten up all your will and want and love-
again.
But I thought you understood, but then...
I've never been quite right about anyone before.
I just want to be accepted for how I live
Why do you all seem to love who I am until I'm susceptible, and then you want more?
You can't tell me you work hard to live a comfortable and quiet life and then nitpick how I've worked to live MY life. **** the *******.
Alexandria Hope Mar 2017
My poetry will never be as delicate as a Lang Leav poem
Nobody is going to remember me, as Sylvia Plath
But who am I kidding, as sad or delicate as I've tried being,
I will always be at the core, wild.
Alexandria Hope Oct 2015
I want to be beautiful
I want to be bones, 90 pounds, blue
I want to be beautiful,
You'll tell me I'm beautiful when I'm dead, won't you?
Like when it was dawn, covered in fog,
Like when they cut you down, dressed you up, showed you off,
Like when they wrote you stories,
And you were beautiful,
And you were beautiful,
I wanted to be like you,
Tell me how to be just like you
I want to be beautiful,
I want to be with the pretty dead
Don't bother bringing flowers,
They're all here in my head
And you can press me between
the leaflets of my awful poetry
I want to be written down
I want to feel my blood running out
Don't kiss me if I have no pulse
My pulse is bruising my neck
to the point where I can't breathe
I want to be
Oh I want to be
So dress yourself up in a brocade vest
Take me to church, put me up in a pine pew
Give me a wake, I'll rise at midnight
And I'll be addicted to you,
I'll be addicted to you
Alexandria Hope Nov 2017
"I love you"
Funny, mechanic, polite
Sticky flypaper
Chewing paper
Tobacco filter
Pretty, warm, sugarcane
My *** and whiskey lies
I'm trying to abstain

Like passing off my straight coke
As *** n Coke to a drinking friend
Who will never understand
And I don't love you,
But with a watered down reply
And a smile wound too tight
Think maybe someday it won't hurt

To not walk alone at night, or to
Swim with someone watching out so
I don't. Disappear. But instead I'm unwillingly ensnared
Netted so I can't
Dive away in the stormy sea
By you
It's immaterial, I could go, should go, any time
Though how many have I hurt by... shredding their
Expensive ****** fishing gear

When I go night swimming alone
All I think of is someone else beside me

And when you're in the car in the drive
Picking me up instead
I feel oil, dust, condensation and ..
...
I'm heading for a reparation, instead,
Because "I love you" makes my heart, head
And tongue full of lead.
Alexandria Hope Jan 2019
It is all well and good for nature to shun humanity,
For humanity has done nothing but destroy
And though there are those who exercise empathy,
There are far too few with its imploy

And even if we tried changing ways,
It would do as well as wishing on fey,
For it's too late to undo the damage done
And the great prize for this earth we gamble,
Will be tantamount to none.
Note that imploy is not a misspelling here I used the middle english spelling on purpose.
X
Alexandria Hope Nov 2014
X
Black striped knee-highs in your old photographs
Black knee-highs on me
Your face blurs under the breaths you take
Lips, skin, absorb, kiss, breath
His rough hands ghost over my shoulder blades
Her eyes are scorch marks on your hips
As you're pulling me into your mouth I can't help
Teasing behind an earlobe, trailing along your jawbone on my way
Remembering memory foam, imprinted on my tailbone, precarious
Beneath the divet of his thighs
And she's on you, in you, around you,
He's with me, caressing, wanting
Their scents linger within the sheets
Your scent lingers on my tongue
And I dip my head to shut them up
Shut them up - "I'm so glad I don't hate you"

"I'm so glad you don't hate me"

                                                And I know they've won.
Alexandria Hope May 2019
Chime, crystal, chilling,
Your voice leads me through the darkness,
Freezing, willing.
The only light from moon on snow,
Promise of wolves hidden from the moonglow,
Where we howl and prance and shake our fur
Barking laughter over the tourists we lure
Free and free as nature herself, here
Where danger and death are always near
And we follow the call of having no confines
At all
Alexandria Hope May 2015
It's having to say
I'm a lesbian- I'm pregnant- I have a boyfriend
No, I'm not a lesbian because I haven't been with a real man- yes, really, I'm pregnant it's just not showing yet- Yes he does love me he's just not here because he's working
Because I don't like you, please leave me alone, and no do not work in clubs, on the street, anywhere I go...
It's holding onto a **** whistle, mace, and concealed knife when I go anywhere alone, holding my keys between my fingers when walking down dark, unfamiliar streets.
It's being told not to wear a skirt when I go dancing, because someone will slip their hand under it.
It's wearing shorts and having them shove grimy fingers inside anyway
It's using a fake name, sharing fake contact info, claiming a fake residence so that they don't track you
It's being appalled when some guy from the restaurant tracks you down on social media using the name on your credit card
It's being careful not to let him know you like him because he might take that as consent for more
It's work sending us out in groups to take the trash out at night because it's not safe to walk the alleyway behind the building alone
Unless you're one of my male coworkers
It's being groped and slapped in class and having no one, not even the teacher, challenge my attacker because he's a man and it's all in good humor, right?
It's walking across the street to avoid a guy in pace behind you, even in broad daylight. It's your friend stiffening when they pass on the right.
It's looking rude and foolish when you deny them a handshake, a hug, or a reason. Because they're nice, right? They haven't done anything yet, right? Don't they deserve your respect and interest?
No, maybe not all men are bad. But enough of them are that we have the right to fear and use the hashtag #allmen
Because every woman has been harassed, told that his bullying just means he likes you, taught to just take it. Every woman has been in some sort of situation where a man has made her uncomfortable, and society has done nothing about it.
So yes, #Yesallwomen
Alexandria Hope Oct 2014
It started with the scarf
Plaid and Disney and good around your neck
Until I grabbed and yanked and felt the fool
It started when you said someone texted you
and I wanted their face under the heel of my boot
It started with German
insults, games, study packets
It started with your crush
Latino, taken, and oil to you
It started with your tears
Beautiful while you cry
Beautiful after working in stables
Beautiful when just woken up
Oh I just need to get serious
It started with the first time I stayed over
It started when we became family
It started when our hearts broke
and we exchanged some of the pieces
It started when you became my best friend
or something more
With little inside jokes and our hands around each others' throats
Alexandria Hope May 2017
The world can hide in a blanket of cloud,
Beneath a song
A city in a broken heart,
Funny how a memory can change with time
The person you were, left behind
In embrace of the dregs of love
Left over in a perfume bottle swept up
By the winds, change
Follow the scent to days and places past,
Hidden in an hourglass,
Pressed within a page
Alexandria Hope Feb 2015
On the night you left
It was a clear, dark sky
But inside my car it was raining
And the engine rolled into a storm
I saw the lights off a coastguard's boat
Heat from my ring, your name engraved with mine
An icy welt melting against my skin
Then you ask me where I've been,
I've been in the hail of Seattle
Throwing tantrums in front of speeding cars
Kissing the railings off every tall bridge
Lifting myself high in the rigging and tipping back-
I've been teaching myself to breathe where the air is thin
Casting my thoughts in a hollow monologue
Gripping the chain around my neck and dreaming
Take me to the atmosphere, anywhere I still exist with someone.
Alexandria Hope Feb 2016
When you left them, they all gathered
On a moonlit night,
Their hearts as candles to the vigil
And their mothers swooned, when they heard the news,
And their daughters sang a rock-n-roll Hallelujah.

Your words came back to them,

And the salt from the tears wept over your star,
All the glitter swept up from the wind,
Though the flowers have all dried out,
The streets you walked will never be the same.
You're still changing us all over again, to-day,
May your music forever play

— The End —