When death comes
and funeral drums proceed me,
Death will not concede me
this one last victory.
That I will get to see
the look of pure misery
curl into a smile
as the razor opens my throat.

The party's over.
My makeup left fading, the remembrance of something beautiful.
My black dress is on the floor, replaced by your warm arms.
I shared a bed with you, a surface not made for two.
Snuggled under the same blanket.
A single pillow for our heads.
I felt your warmth through the night.
A strong presence at my back.
Your nose crowning into my hair.
We slept pressed together, our body twining with one another.
I slept with you last night.

The party may be over, but I'm still here with you in a bed not made for two.

It's your birthday and I cancelled the balloons
It's your birthday and I drank all your *****
It's your birthday and I'm sleeping in your shirt
It's your birthday and you're sleeping with her

Oh, little blind girl
who I used to be,
tell me now
what is it that I see?

Oh, little blind girl
so little and so bright
why did you leave me
without a single fight?

Oh, little blind girl
why has it been so long,
since you've decided
to write another song?

Oh, little blind girl
what is it that I've done,
to make you hide
why did you run?

Oh, little blind girl
who can now see
where are you at
inside of me?

I.
I've got piles of poems lying at the back of my mind
and they all whisper your name
and try to get me to cave
into the moons of your eyes
when you smile a little too hard and
they reach up until the sides of your irises.

But my heart always beats a little too much
and a little too late when I think about you.
It's singing love songs and causing chaos
ahead,
and above,
and all around this **** place.

And maybe, just maybe,
I'm in for much more than I expected
because I'm getting caught up
in potpourri promises
and hope—
stupid hope.

I've got so much on my mind,
and the majority has engraved
w o r r y
into the lining of my temporal lobe
because I cannot seem to shake out your voice
and your smile

and hands
and how they held mine with such clarity
and sincerity
and it's your laugh when you throw your head backwards in exasperation
and when you look at me with those eyes—
those crazy brown eyes.

II.
But I can't tell if I'm losing my mind again
or just throwing it around like a soccer ball
to feel something.

I just don't want you to wake up one day,
with fire in your eyes
and flames at your fingertips

trying to resist the steam rising from your ears
and your smile will fade into the smoke
and your eyes won't mirror my awe

because in that moment I might just burn to ash
at the sight of you changing your mind,
darling.

I might just disintegrate
at the thought of you turning around
and never looking back.

gd

Sometimes your heart needs to be broken
So you can see what's underneath,
To the flicker and flame of your soul
That you've always been destined to meet.

Sometimes your spirit shines brighter
Through the glimmering light of your tears,
And when you arrive at the end of it all
Love will outshine the darkest of years

summer nights
fairy lights
women rights
skinny tights
we ended up with
lovers' fights

plain as day
you took away
a sunshine ray
left me with
no words to say

feelings fade
a girl's parade
to hold her head high
and hide the mess you made