Said I'm laying in the dark , and you ask why
it helps me to think, I replied
you ask about what , and I quickly make up a lie
I'm trying to hide the truth, I don't want you to know that I'm thinking bout you,
I know you must think that I don't feel for you anymore, but I'm hiding behind that closed door
where my tears can run freely, rather than saying I have no feelings
I'm watching you love, and I'm watching you lie
I'm watching you hurt, and I'm  watching you cry
for someone who didn't even say good bye,
I sit here, watching from a distance
I'm behind my closed door listening,
whispering "I love you", wishing and praying
but face to face, what more can I say?
we're friends right, and that's what's keeping me happy

How do I push away the ones who love me the most?
And for what? A burning bush and a chat with a ghost?
Engrossed in the outermost region of thought.
I’ve seen quite a lot; believe it or not.
I sought therapy to discuss my problems
but my trust issues make it tough to solve them.
I must admit the moment we kissed
the world and its the chaos didn’t exist.

© Matthew Harlovic

Even if I don't cry it hurts, Even if I don't see you I miss you, Even if we don't talk I think about you, and even if I don't tell you I love you

I die every time
you cross my mind
I wish I hate you
because loving you is hell
I rather go blind then
Not see u well
We meet when I was eight
From there I knew love was real
You keep me warm
through all of life’s chill
We grew up
But our bond stayed young
Your my ear on a hard day
My blanket on a lonely night
Everything was perfect
until you lost your life
Other people just saw you
But I saw a wonderful thing
To just call you human
Would insult your brain
You feel me better than anyone
You know when to speak
You know when to roll over
And you know when stay
I never forget the day you left
We drove to the office
Where they made it clear
Die here or die at home
My heart and mind tore in two
Logic and love
two words I wish I never knew
I held back my tears like a ****
Fixed my face
hugged and kissed your head
so deeply as to make your dreams sweet
Before you leave
I was alone as I watched
the grim reaper take you away
The look in your eye haunts me til this day
I just hope that
forgiveness and understanding
Was in her brain the day I choose
Your life away

I am tired of feeling hurt,
behind a mask everyday,
like it's depression,
tears are just like the rain
My soul is ripped apart,
tried to stay calm so no one would notice,
the loneliness burns my soul,
eating away part of my life,
it gives me fear,
waiting for someone takes my mask off
to help me out.

Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone