Anxiety.
A feeling of worry,
Nervousness,
Or unease,
Typically about an imminent event
Or something with an uncertain outcome
This exact definition comes from Webster
It doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of this
Of what this feels like
It’s more like you’re stuck under water not able to take a breath
That crushing aching feeling ripping at your lungs
You get all hot and sweaty
This weird feeling builds in the back of your throat
Almost like you’re going to cry but never can
Then you get the shakes and it just gives you away
Or at least that’s how it is for me
It’s different with everyone who has it

You once said I was loud so I became quiet
You once said I was selfish so I started to care more for others than myself
You once said I was illiterate so I flooded my brain with books and inarticulate words
You once said I was ugly so I put on so much makeup I was borderline unrecognizable

Loud
Selfish
Illiterate
Ugly

But then it’s too quiet
Then it’s self neglectant
Then it’s nerd
Then it’s fake

I couldn’t do anything right

You once said I was ***** so I wore short skirts and crop tops just like the rest of them
You once said I was different so I fit as much of myself that I could into a perfect little mold
You once said I was husky so I stopped eating lunch
You once said I was lonely so I started befriending more guys than I could count

*****
Different
Husky
Lonely

But then it’s ******
Then it’s wanna be
Then it’s anorexic
Then it’s *****

Trying got me nowhere and i’ll never be like everyone else
But wait.
Why would I want to be?
Since when I did I care about all that?
I was not loud I am just expressive
I was not selfish I’m just not open
I was not illiterate I’m just still learning
I was not ugly I just have flaws

Why did I believe you in the first place?

I was not ***** I just rock a turtleneck
I was not different we are all unique
I was not husky I just had thighs for days
I was not lonely…am not lonely.

So why would I change myself for the likes of you?