I was once so little,
Though mature in the mind.
My heart now brittle
From moments unkind.
And with that
I fell cold,
No warmth for my soul.
My mind
Turned old,
Then my heart fell alone.
With no love,
Nor touch,

From parents of stone.

Oh,
No.
I must dismiss,
And forget.
But my mind is low,
And my grave is set.
Eyes they water,
And hands they sweat.
Sounds of laughter
To thoughts of threat.
Please.
Leave me be to just reset.
Let the cycle be free,

And just let me rest.

Am I,
Not enough ?
The hurt is bitter,

Your words are tough.

Is she ,
Better than I?
Your little angel,

The apple to your eye.

But me?
I’m a mess.
A child of stress ,

You love me less.

And her ?
She’s your whole life.  
Living in your arms ,

Letting me die.

But alas ,
No need to shout.
Your actions speak louder,

Than words from your mouth.

You wear and compare,
The things I bear.
Sorries of none,
Pretending to care.
Scared to share
What you have of me.
Critical of others
That fail to see.
The parts of me
I tend to hide,
You make them scream
Until they die.
But i'm your truth,
And your my lie.
A friend of fake

Is no friend of mine.

You are harsh
To yourself.
Why would this be ?
Has life made you doubt
Of the worth that I see ?
We are driven
By others ,
And our brain the driver.
Speeding too fast
From someone no wiser.
Breaking the breaks
When our gas is low.
Others do see ,
Yet nobody shows.

Do you really wish
For them to proceed?
Wrecking your worth
Until you bleed.

But thoughts
Of our own,
Are no others to mould.
Your mind is free
As is your soul.

For the mind it cracks
Under false illusion.

As conclusions of false ,
Are the brains confusions.

A season for joy ,
Swings quickly by.

Frosty roads,
And shady skies.

For icicles form,
In the roof of my mind

As this season
Is bitter,
But sweet to the eye.

My life
Is a lesson,
I study alone.
Quietly at home,
In the dark of night.

I stroke my hand,
As I ponder
On my own.
To what love
Can I show?

I have recieved little warmth,
From the place I call home.

For no tutors
I had,
That aided my confusion.
I am forced to attend
The lesson of exclusion.

I waited on love,
Patience,
The beauty of binds.
But alas,
I am not equipt
For such a class.

Too difficult to pass,
Too harrowing to last.

As I sit here,
Unguided,
For my lesson has ended.
Another one begins,
Leaving me broken
And unamended.

I would hold your dread,

Letting it rest
Onto my chest.
Visions of next,
Engulfed in fret.

You toss and turn,
Over these ghosts.
Unaware of me holding you close.

For I love you always,
And always the most.

'Come alive',
They say.
'Take these pills twice a day'.

'Activate your mind,
Leave thoughts to stay’.

‘But doctor,
I fear,
My thoughts are
Difficult to bear’.

'You think too much of it,
Dear'.
You say.

'Take your belongings
And go home today'.

No.
Not again.
My heartbeat stops
And comes to an end.
Lord.
It’s the end.
A flower once nourished
Now withered instead.
Nothing.
Blue feelings instead.
Imbalanced inside
As I hang by a thread.
Hm.
I’m hung by a thread.
Cut off from stitches
That helped me to mend.

As now I hang down,
In the blues of my head.

A thought pierces my mind,
Like a knife to a heart.

A slow memory forms,
As I feel a blistery wind.

Goosebumps on my skin,
I am no longer here.

My eyes,
Flooding like water,
A memory is near.

Emotions,
Unclear.

Breathing,
Unsteady and loud,
Mind blocked
Beneath a hundred clouds.

The silence is loud.

But I arrive back,
The moon rises up the corner.
As my thoughts wash away,
Just like water.

My new lover,
He treats me well.
Highly captivated
By his spell.

Smart and slick,
He mangles my mind.
Though not a lover
Of any kind.

He loves me,
Myself,
And only I.
For I am a trophy
In his deep blue eyes.

Temptations
Of the weak,
I fall to my knees.
He is hard to please,
Though easy to tease.

But my honesty
Has seized,
My words have frozen.
This man is poison,
Numbing my emotion.

As my new lover,
He is unkind.
A cruel robber
Of the heart and mind.

But I am fine,
I truly am.
For all is worth it
To hold his hand.

How can a thought
Become a threat?
Created strictly
Inside our head.
Tears and sweat
From ponders of fret.
False scenarios
We beg to forget.

That is us.
Tormented by upset.

I am proud,
Little one,
For your heart has sung.
Made your own little rhythm
To your own little drum.
You have grown with wolves
But still ,
You're a cub.
Your gentle manner
Has taught you to love.
To rise above
Your lowest points.
To trudge the mountains
And reach great heights.
And now little one,
You are ready to fly.
To sadness and regret
You now wave goodbye.

My mind is dying,
And I with it too.
Thinking is tiring,
I'm empty of fuel.
From working in jobs,
To studies in school.
From speaking with others,
Then losing my cool.

My body is weary,
My brain on fire.
But alas,
I give in.

For I am just too tired.

Hatred,
It runs through my veins.
Cascading through
My body of pain.
Attacking my system,
It alters my brain.
Leaving bitter notes
And thoughts that stain.
And I,
The victim,
Of my own demise.
Unable to love
My own little mind.

In my heart and soul,
I know she is there.
I feel her breath
In the Winter air.
Birds tweet outside
Near gardens we wet.
Watering flowers
With tears of upset.
'But don't fret',
You said,
Upon our bed.
'My time is short,
I must live instead'.
'Embrace this life,
It's not over yet'.
'For I rather live
Than die in regret'.

As do I,
My darling,
You have lived till your end.
As your words are something
I'll always commend.

I fell through the air,
Not once did I hit ground.
Headache corrupts my heart,
And pain into safety.
Dark light up my feelings,
And demon hold me so tenderly.
World slapped out by greed,
Complied by smiles of strangers.
Carry me down the mountain
And save my soul below water.
Tear struck by the lake of grey,
Scattered with wilted leaves.
Be patient with me, darling
A thousand days and the moon will shine.

I cannot breathe,
My lungs are weak.
Tears sink
Softly down my cheek.
This isn't me,
My speech is bleak.
Shaking so badly
On my seat.
Oh doctor,
Please doctor,
What could this be?
He mutters a word
Too familiar to me.

Anxiety.

Life,
So brutal,
So unkind,
Burning thistles in my eyes.

Thoughts cascade and haunt my mind.

But,
What a surprise!
The arrival of peace,

My hatred has ceased from the creation outside.

I let it in,
And breathe.
And finally,
I take a moment to smile.

You question my reasoning,
Yet I don't know why.

For why I have you,
At the top of my mind.

When my heart is bleeding,
You let me cry.

When you feel like leaving,
You come back to try.

But only I can see,
Your glories and joys.
You are a wonder,

And I am proud,
That you are mine.

We fall
Into design.
A pretend world
Created,
According to the eyes
Of ones with no sight.
We live,
And we die.
Some fight
And some hide.
Both strong in right,
Though equal in fear.
As living through others,

Makes life unclear.

Sinking in silence,
My breath is shallow.
Mind is rapid
Yet still so hollow.
'Let it pass'
They say,
Thoughts will subside.
But mine continue
To haunt me inside.
My body is tired,
Brain on fire.
As pressures of life
Raise much higher.

Oh look at you,
So pretty and cute!
Frills suit you well,
Mommy can tell!

Show your friends !
They truly won’t mind.
For they will see my reflection
From behind.

Oh how unkind ,
You wish to leave ?
For why do your eyes
Begin to leak?

We will always walk
With the same stride !
For mommy is bound
To you for life.

For anyone who hurts you,
Shall be met with a knife.

For nobody else
Shall you dare to meet.

But only I,
Will usher you to speak.

With that being said,
Come my darling,
And sit next to me.

How I would,
Or could
Open my heart,
To let you in.

In a race to the finish line,
I would let you win.

On a day of judgement,
I would hide your sin.

For all of you,
I would half my soul.

Dig deeply for days,
To build you a home.

And although
These words may flow,
They cannot express
My true interest,

In you and I
To love until we’re old.

Darling,
If only you knew.
My love for you,
Is through and through.
Unconditional,
And exciting too.
No other soul
Could fill your shoes.
And that
Shall always,
Be our truth.

You.
Turned to lust.
My soul,
Turned to dust.

The time is ticking,
Striking every hour.
But you
Become louder,
Seething with power.

My heart is
Poisoned,
Becoming reborn.
Intoxicates my body
Inside my form.

I am tired,
Lost,
And full of desire.
Fed with lies,
Fooled by disguise.

You have soiled me,
Openly,
For I choose
To ignore.

Flame arises through my skin,
As I burn to the core.

My mind is fragile,
My life is a play.
I will break if you let me go,
I will hurt if i'm thrown away.
I am not in control,
My soul has extinct.
You ripped apart what you did not need of me,
As I watched with no instinct.
Without you I would be forever muzzled,
But my body is becoming sore.
With you I am a person,
But you don't seem to notice my silent call for help anymore.
Day by day,
I watch you bleed.
A pain so violent,
It triggers my only need.
You don't look the same,
You are a victim of prey.
I can only smile and watch you battle,
My only wish is that I could stay.
The last day you came over,
To the shelf that held a wasteland.
I felt a presence so cold as you reached for me,
Yet I felt comfort as you took my hand.
We went outside as it was raining but,
You looked at me with a cold eye.
I knew that I was nothing anymore but,
I couldn't say goodbye.
You gave me to another person,
And I felt that this was the last origin.
You didn't look back at me and I never saw your face again but,
I was nothing but porcelain.

Walk,
Talk,
Sleep,
Wake.
This is my cycle,
Day to day.
It drags,
It flows,
It gives me less hope.
No cycle with hills,
Just a constant low.
In skin,
In body,
In sin
And woes.

My calling is somewhere,
But where is it I go?

Light becomes bright.
Curtains drawn to reveal the scene.
Creaks of footsteps
Pass my wooden doors.
I sit patiently,
On a cold bedded floor
Looking from the window
So far away.
I grasp specks of dust
Surrounding me like soft glitter
Or so I thought.
I hear the door handle being motioned
Rapidly and frantically.
My body becomes frozen
As a window appears fully open.
The floor becomes ice
Burning my skin.
Paralysed with fear she enters,
But I float away.

Is my purpose in life,
To only think?
To hear such thoughts
Grow and shrink.
To live
In feeling,
And breathe
In deep.
To walk on legs
That feel so weak.
Though I try
In mind,
To know just why.
To trudge these hills
And reach the skies.

And I know,
Inside,
I will finally find.
The meaning of all,

The meaning of life.

The fog begins again,
Circulating through
My living system.
It is grim,
Driven,
Lasting longer than breathing.

Attacking my lungs,
I'm Heaving,
Still living,
Crawling,
Weeping,
Repeating,
It's not leaving.

Grim,
Driven
It crashes through my system,
Leaving me stiffened.

Grieving,
Weeping,
Leaving it's thoughts to deepen
Creeping,
It's not leaving,
But I am breathing.

I am breathing.

Yet so
Grim,
driven,
I am still living.
I am still learning,
I am still winning.
I am still yearning,
All is forgiven.

All is forgiven.

Beginning again,
Head spinning,
So Grim,
Driven,
Yet I am still healing
I am still breathing,

Leaving,
Healing,
Am I still grieving?
Teaching,
Forgiving,
Living,
I am still winning.

I am still winning.

Oh heavy heaving flower,
Come and feed from my light.
Let me flourish your dying roots
And replenish the life you were given.
Your petals fall slowly my rose bud,
Drip and drop they go.
A bitter thorn begins to grow out of you
And slowly attaches the water I have given.
Oh bitter flower,
You are swarmed by insects that endure your sweet scent.
They suckle off of the pollen you have left
Though without caution they ****** the energy you were given.
Oh heavy dying flower,
You finally close up with darkness to aid you.
Your life has slowly faded into solitude and shame
As you bend your head in the name of the torn rose.

Someone tell me,
How the mind can stall?
From thinking too much
To nothing at all.
As I sit,
Still,
Staring at the wall.
Emotions
They numb,
As my thoughts
Do brawl.
And now,
Worn out,

I am ready to fall.

I feel strange.
I was once a glory
Put directly on stage.
I showed my ability
Yet you weren't amazed.

Instead, you scold me,
But wasn't I great?

'No', you told me,
'You need to change'.

My mind is windy,
So cold in storm.
Thoughts so violent
They scrape and scorn.
Illness of those
Who freak and fret,
Led to temptation
Of permanent rest.
Locked in frustration
Of guilt and regret.

Succumb to hatred from birth to death.

A mirror tells a thousand lies
Says I.
I see a vision
Of the unknown,
Of the confused,
And alone.

It bewilders me
Says I.
I cannot fathom
Who
Or what stands before me.

Perhaps a lie
Says I?
My skin,
Pale,
My soul,
Frail.
I beg for it to stop,
But to no avail.

I am not who I see.
For the vision before me
Is a lost soul
Between a treacherous sea.

A monster
Caught between a
Nightmare
And reality.

This is not me,
This is not me.
But where could I be?
Who can locate me?

I begin to breathe
In and out
Rapid
and loud,
As my lungs yearn to shout,
My body begins to pass out.

But I realise,
Between two shut eyes,
That this reflection,
is truly me.

Fire.
It burns inside my body.
Cold water forms my newly born tears.
Regret lingers through my decaying mind,
As I stand,
And wait.
A word spoken from you,
Shatters my glass body,
And crystalises it.
I mend myself,
As you too begin to break me once more.
My resistance to your fatal touch becomes weaker.
But still I stand,
As I turn to you.
I still pleasure you with my pain,
My faults,
Myself.
You begin to laugh at my disobedience to your immature requests,
And I breathe a sigh.
A sigh of lost hope
As I run up those steps to safety,
And weep,
For now I know that you have won.

How unfortunate
One must be,
To breathe air they cannot retrieve.

Such thought
Makes my body fall weak.
Yet here I am,
Sitting by a TV.

Screens flick faster
Then measurement of speed.

Eyes roll back
Into a restless sleep.

I beg for dreams,
But I cannot see.

I am blind to vision
Of a life made free.

And here I lay
Still,
Uneasy.

For in the dark of night,
I am haunted
Continuously.

I reach my hand to touch the sky,
As I create a version,
Better than mine.

Here I stand,
Wrapped in dark cloth.
Time slipping slowly,
Heads bowing lowly.

Hearts in a toll.

I cannot recall,
Words spoken,
From ones
That ‘all will be well’.

Heaven has a place for you,
But this feels like hell.

Music plays low,
My brows furrow ,
For I cannot glimpse
At the doll who lays low.

At the edge of my feet,
I stand in defeat.

For you were my one,
But alas,
The light has come.
The angels have sung,
And have summoned you home.

My darling,
Sleep tight,
As this day
Has turned into night.

And now your soul shall roam.

The mind
Is larger than
Anyone could see.
Panic and worry
Over things unseen.
Find comfort in worlds
Of make believe.
Yearning for safety
In the heart of green.
Urging to run,

Waiting to be free.

See that little girl,
Running by the sea?
The one that feels joy
To the smallest of things.

Or perhaps that little boy,
Filling with joy.
Not a single emotion
He tries to avoid.

For these little beings,
Are a reflection of you.
In youth we still live,

As age only equals two.

I am who I am,
And that is who
I shall be.
Send love to our souls,
And acceptance of our body.

Stop wishing for more
Of what others may hold.
For our body is a temple,
Made from the purest gold.

A human can lie
To the heart and mind.
Sending an image of repulsion
In front of our eyes.

We scoff at the mirror
That holds no truth.
For what you see
Is not the true you.

Hearing words from others
That begins the game.
Our minds so bothered
By ones with no name.

No remembrance of them,
With faces of nothing.
Type faster than lightning
To just hurt something.

And that something,
Is us.
Our vision,
Lost.
For these souls should be pitied,
Bitterly,
With no sympathy.

And how pathetically sad
One must be,
To not find bad
In this treachery.

But our beauty
For one,
Shines brightly in disguise.
But one day,
Our vision will wake
And arise.

We shall look in the mirror,
And see the truth.
It is you,
The true you.
Not somebody new.
For beauty
Can only be envied,
By the artist
With no tools.

I am who I am,
And that is who
I shall be.
For I have no apologies,
As I am truly me.

I am weary,
Though not for sleep.
This yawn
Means something more deep.
And I fear,
In my rest.
Body tosses
Through unmade sheets.
Yet I wake,
Instead.

As the cycle repeats.