Thank you darkness,
For you have made it possible
To see the stars and moon
In the sky

Thank you darkness,
For without you
I would not have been able
To imagine the light
at the end of the tunnel
And so,
I would have no reason to keep walking towards it

Thank you darkness,
For you keep everyone
"In the dark"
And I wouldn't have it any other way
Because if we knew the future
There would be no point in having it

You know, I’ve never seen such a smile,
Sincere, kind, knowingly sly.
I would keep quiet and stand for a while,
And with anxiety, delight, I would cry.

That slight curve of your plump lips
Is the reason to live, even to breathe.
I promise, love, I’m happier than kids,
My heart rate would always increase.

Your lips on my cheek, your hand on my waist,
I blush when I look in your eyes,
All the time, all the efforts are not waste,
Every time all the sadness dies.

With anxiety my heart breaks, I will cry,
I’ll keep quiet and stand for a while.
Cold, devoid of warmth, dry..
You know, honey, I’ve never seen such a smile.

10-3-24   1:24pm

you have so much to live for
you have so much to learn

where have you been?
you drifted far
but the things you love
still wait for you

life waits for you
like a branch on a tree
waits for a bluejay

A strong sense of smell
But I can't smell out the lies

A strong sense of hearing
But matter how many times I listen to our recorded conversation
I can't hear what I said that made you snap

All of this makes me wonder
If you're right and it's me
Or if it was you all along

The things I do
For your approval
And your excitement
For my accomplishments
Usually aren't healthy
Or good
For me

The things I lose
For your happiness
And your calmness
Usually are the things that make me feel that way

The things I cover up
For your agreement
And support
Usually are the things I care about most

Don't tell me
I'm being disrespectful
When it's simply impossible for you to stay pleased for more than a few moments
I try
And I try
To no avail
I am done trying

I have opinions
Thoughts
Feelings
If you don't like it
Don't see me
That's what I wanted
To begin with

beats are pulsing through lit eyes
that see amber
coated in a hand
that looks like honey
underneath the
yellow streetlights
a small head sticks out a
moving car window
on a still darkened evening
the only sound the
soft wind
and
the endless haunting unknown

mom was always self conscious about her veins
she veiled them with pants in eighty degree weather, constantly looking for cures for varicose and spider veins and always asked me if she looked bad
mom never looked bad, not even mediocre. she was mom.
mom shone through with a holy radiance of giving, i knew that when she got to heaven (even if heaven was never real god would make a heaven just for her) she would be blessed and her veins would be erased.
i would write her a letter telling her how her veins were art on her legs with colors that were abstract for the human body
i would tell her i love the paintings on her legs because they reminded me of all she did for decades, tiring her feet, never sitting down, giving her self up for half hearted people.
i would tell her stories that her veins were paintings made by God to show her how unique she was, and he formed murals for her that would never go away, with lilac, violet and green paints that stained his fingers
i would remind her maps and magnificent cities had veins of their own, they were the roads and tunnels that people traveled on to find their destination.
my hope for her is that she remembers her flaws are art that don't have to be hidden in a museum