I don’t see how you can act so happy
While I’m barely holding myself together
I am fighting everyday
Not to breakdown and cry

Yet here you are
All hyper and giddy
With your teeth all showing
Like you don’t care that I’m hurting

I break down and try
To act like I’m fine
But all it brings me
Is this deep hatred inside

This hate that I feel
Is more for myself
While I look at you
Pretending everything’s alright

I feel I must hide it all
Or risk angering or annoying you
So I hide my face at night
While I cry myself to sleep

I see no hope
I see no light
For in my future
There is no sight

I can’t take this pain
It burns me so
But what hurts me the most
Is you’re not in pain too

I can’t keep beating myself up
For every lie that you told
You made me so paranoid
I felt like I was going insane

Now you give me freedom
And what’s sad about that
Is that I don’t want the freedom
From your loving hate

So I beg and I plead
For us to give it another shot
But now I know the truth
You’ve been hiding for so long

Your heart has belonged to another
For several months now
And you hide it from everyone
Thinking that it’s nothing

But what you don’t understand
Is the lives that are involved
Are entangled in this sea
Of perpetual sorrow

So please next time you feel this way
Look deep inside yourself
And ask one simple question
Is this really love or just lust

Cause we confuse the two
It’s in our DNA
We are programmed for procreation
So we have to rewrite our brains

Connect it in our hearts
Feel it in our souls
Watch carefully
As the picture unfolds

Seeing the truth
Being set free
Lies that were told
Now in the open

I see now that you lost your love for me
A while ago
You stopped caring about me
I was no longer your number one

I was always second best
To this new person in your heart
Why did I not see it
When it was so plain to see

But that’s what love does
It makes us blind
To the possibility
Of our love betraying us

I thought we would be together
For the rest of our lives
Have a white picket fence
With children running wild

But now I see
That it will never be
You gave up on us
The moment you saw her

Rip my heart out
Watch it bleed
Dripping down your hands
As it soaks the sand

My love was eternal
But now turns to dust
As I lay here shattered
Begging to be put back together

But alas my words fall
Onto deaf ears
For you don’t care
For my love no more

You lost the love
You had for me
And now I lay
A hollowed husk

Where do I go from here
After being with you so long
Who am I anymore
What purpose do I serve

These questions are a mystery
And so I ponder
What happens now
To this hollowed husk

I guess I need to find myself
Pull myself back together
Close up the wounds
And never give my heart out again

For this loss has shattered
The last hope I had
Of having a happy life
With someone I held dear

So now lost forever
In a sea of turmoil
I drown slowly
Waiting for deaths embrace

For when I go
It will be with you
Or it will be alone
That I promise you

Hallowed halls of sovereign hearts
Echoing out the darkest art
Casting shadows and fright
In ancient eyes begin to rot

Seek thee out oh hollowed flame
For thou be swift and come again
Cast thy silhouette over hopes and dreams
For in this night they begin to flee

Run and hide while you can
The screams come swiftly
For in this corridor of lost love
Lurks the greatest pain of all

The ghost of heartache and betrayal
Of misery and agony
Screeching and howling
Pleading for it to stop

But no matter what
The pain stays there
It never heals fully
Always ready to split open again

With each passing day
The light inside me dies
Surrounding me in eternal darkness
And snuffing out any form of happiness

I beg and I plead for relief
But it never comes
It only gets worse
And I can’t take it anymore

I love him with every fiber of my being
Yet nothing I say or do matters
It’s like he doesn’t care anymore
And I’m tired of this pain

I try and I try
To hide all of it
From his gaze
But I can’t hide forever

He says he still cares for me a lot
But honestly with his actions
It speaks the opposite
I just wish he would speak the truth

Speak from your heart
Don’t hide anything
Let it all out
Just like I have done

Lay your very soul
Upon the table bare
So we can finally understand
One another’s feelings

I fear that I don’t have much left
My will is slowly fading
I’ve already reverted back to self harm
Soon it will start to get worse

My heart will start to decay
Turning off all care for life
I will constantly be fighting
My darkest of thoughts

Thoughts that I haven’t had
Since I was a teenager
Thoughts that I could suppress
Just by looking at him

Seeing his dorky grin
The smell of his skin
The gentleness of his touch
The love in his eyes

These things made me so happy
That I couldn’t think like that
I didn’t want to think like that
All I cared about was being with him

Now I have mixed feelings
Feelings of betrayal and fear
Of longing and anger
Of love and regret

I know he won’t talk
Cause every time we try
It just makes it works
Cause he won’t say anything

I ask if things will be okay
I ask if I will ever be with him again
But all he says is give it time
And I see no love in his eyes

I see no more longing
No more want
No more pleading
Just vacant eyes staring back

I start to ponder
If I was ever good enough
If I will ever make it through this
Will I ever be happy again

But with how things are going
I doubt I will ever be happy
My heart is in so much pain
I feel like I’m dying

And it’s only getting worse
With each passing day
So I beg of you
Just talk to me one last time

Let everything out
Don’t hold back
There is so much to say
That you try and hide

I can no longer breathe
The air which kept me alive
Is now but carbon dioxide
Burning my lungs to ash

I fear what is to come
I fear what has happened
I fear what is happening
But most of all I fear not having you

My state of mind has gotten so bad
That the simple task of eating
Is making me sick
I don’t know how much longer I can go on

My heart maybe stone now
But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel anything
The pain that was there already
Is trapped inside

It’s spiraling out of control
Pushing me to the verge of destruction
The meds I take are no longer working
And I fear going to sleep

For when I try
I can’t sleep for long
I wake a few moments later
Terrified for my life

These night terrors are getting worse
And it’s so hard to look past them
There’s darkness all around
Destroying me from inside out

Ever slowly the winds do change
I become numb to everything
Hoping for a change
For you to return

But honestly I feel
That I am holding on
To a pipe dream
That will never come true

My heart cries out
My soul bleeds for you
It feels like I will die
From just one more *****

I hope for you to see
The damage that has been done
So maybe you will understand
What I’m going through

So take the time to listen
Don’t interrupt or run
Cause in order for me to get through this
I have to be honest with you

I can no longer feel emotion
No more pain
No more sorrow
No happiness or love

My heart has gone cold
I no longer feel anything
Though I wish I did
It’s barren in my heart

For how long this time
I have no clue
But at this present moment
It might be for the best

Cold as stone
Free from anguish
From temptation and sorrow
Life is funny this way

I still have my caring nature
But no one new will get my love
My happiness is completely gone
So I’m now a shell

A shell with nothing inside
Death no longer concerns me
Heartache and misery have no hold
For this stone cold heart

My mind has gotten so dark now
Only thoughts of death and self harm remain
I wish so badly it wasn’t like this
But I think it’s about time

I’m losing myself slowly
Been that way for months
I’m starting to spiral downward
Into a bottomless pit

Death now seems like the only way out
Cause if it persists any longer
I won’t know who I am anymore
I’ll just be a hollow shell

A shell full of love for someone
Who doesn’t want to be with me
A shell of pain and agony
A shell that will soon crumble

My life is about over
And there’s nothing I can do
To stop this ever growing pain
From causing great harm

My love will be eternal
That much I know
But knowing whether or not it is received
Is something I can’t wait for long

I’ve fallen into the self destructive path
Soon to become nothing but ash
My soul will always be yours
I just wish it was still the same for you

Slowly I fade
Into the black of death
Sorrow and despair take hold
As the life in me dims

I love you with my entire being
And this will never change
But I’m starting to get worse
Right in front of your eyes

Though you can’t see it
Because I’ve hidden it from you
It is happening quickly
Soon I will be no more

I hope you understand
That it wasn’t my choice
But I wish to the heavens
This wasn’t going to be