I don’t want to
Open my mouth
Because I’m still afraid
The truth might come out
And if it does
If it really breaks free
You’ll see what I am
You’ll see the true me
The one I hide
With jokes and lies
I’m a terrible person
All jokes aside
You don’t seem to know it
You don’t seem to see
Even a glimpse of that person
That I know to be me
I’m such a good actress
I hide it so well
Cover it with a laugh
And you’ll never tell
You see depth in my eyes
You see love and emotion
But what would you see
If I ever did open
I can’t bear to find out
I can’t bear to show
The me you don’t see
The me that I know
If I let it out
If I let it be
I know for a fact
That you would hate me.

613 200 Hours
25 550 Days
13 Cars
11 Jobs
9 Dogs
6 Surgeries
5 Children
4 Grandchildren
3 Marriages
2 Siblings
1 Weary soul.
No regrets.

In an interview I was asked,
"If given the chance to move to a different country, where will it be?"

I'd be where the birds sing,
Where the water flows carelessly,
The fields green.
I'd move to anywhere I can feel what being alive truly means.

"Netherlands", I said.

Hoping she never saw that I am willing to go just right now.

Will wanting to die feel different in another country?

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

You are the abundance of stars only visible to the dreamer in the wake of night

The sun and its companions as they glow to shine a light on the surface of your skin

You are the mischief that forms the toothy grin on the face of a child’s curiosity

The everlasting glow on their faces as they question the world around them

And I am lost in translation, confused, amused and somewhat enchanted

To you I am the clouds that hide away your blue skies

But to me I am the ones that shield you from the glare of a jealous sun

And to each other we are foreign, bordered and misunderstood

Lost in translation I’m waiting for you to understand ,
That to you; you’re nothing, but to me; you’re my dreamland

no thoughts.

only bees.

She has chains
Around her chest
Slowly tightening
Give her rest

She’s in danger
Every day
She can’t continue to
Work this way

She’s saving lives
And skirting death
Ushers joy
Or one’s last breath

This blight has taken
A toll on her
On ALL of us
It has, for sure

But on the caregivers
So much worse
On every doctor
Every nurse

I am in a very deep pit
I feel nothing will save me
You say, "it's okay,
I have a lot of rope"
I try to grab it
And wrap it aruond my neck
And you say,
"Don't,
Just grab on."