A family of five one day decided to quit
Packed their bags
Only take what you can carry son
To leave this mess
Behind

Hoping to find a better life
Crossing oceans
Off to strange lands
I believe
We can make it
The future is bright

They're just trying to make it
Putting up a fight
Make the best with what they have
If not for them
At least for their children
Can you blame them?

Who needs to know how to swim anyway
Just don't get wet
Close your eyes princess try to sleep and pray
I’ll keep the monsters at bay

An easy mark
Two were shot dead
Both slaughtered
Like cattle in the dark

Another drowned the next day
He panicked, jumped ship
It was a mistake, an accident
They can't charge him twice now
You see?

The youngest got fished out
Caught in their net
They brought her back
First she got ***** and beaten
Then left to starve
Close to her farther’s land
Chained and bound to familiar ground

The last just got lost
Forget about him
Last he was seen?
When we pushed him back
Out of sight in the middle of the night
Missing in action
The actions we don't talk about

No one came back
That means they made it right?
They must have made it out

Momma, momma
Tell me
Where are our neighbours at?

Yesterday and tomorrow
Blurry
Always look the same
Months become years
In a flash

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday
Another January the first
Pay day, Mayday
There's rent to pay
I always wanted to be able to afford groceries

One day
I'll make it out
I'll break the cicle
Step out

One day
But no today
Today I break down
And go to bed early

Gotta get a headstart on that upcoming exhaustion

Intellectualising my desire
Making up excuses
No shame
I don't even want it
Smart ***

Really
No preassure here
Whatever you feel the most comfortable with
You can come on over
We'll just talk
Promise

Spitting lies
To her, to myself
I'm doing fine
Trying to get by
Doing right by
Her

Ah yes
The great she
It's all for her
I put a princess on a pedestal

Watch her reign

Wild minds, strange times
We were young once
Special, yes
But not in a good way
It shows
How we're interacting with the world

Knocking on wood
Waling by
Three times
Knock, knock,
crash
That tree went down
Not rooted deep enough

We're all bound to fall
We'll be doomed
Once the storm hits

Went out
Met her
In a bar
Basil smash that ***
Quick smack to my face

A little later
We leave together
Off to new horizons
I forgot your bridal *******
Stranger
Jokes aside
Got no rubbers on me
Gotta improvise

Fast forward a couple nights
Honey dew on a full moon
Hanging out in plain view
Call it a honey moon
I'll call you soon

Call you mine

Yes I will

I'm sick of myself
Tonight
I want out
Of my skin

Tonight
I'm a changed man
A natural charmer
Rub it in

No more worrying
Overthinking
Turning away
No more to shy kinda guy

I want to see
What life could be like
Without holding back
Without me being me

Make you out from across the bar
Look into your eyes
No flinching, holding out
Let's make out
We'll work it out

Eye you up and stare you down
Please don't go
Come closer babe
Share some warmth with me
Let's share some digits

I'll see you tomorrow
Pick you up at five

If that's alright?
****

***** hands
Working hands
Strong, loving hands
Joining together
Be gentle blue collar boy

What do those hands do?
Grabbing, holding, squeezing
Hold me tight
At the waist and around my neck
Shots to the face
Stains on the sheets
We leave our marks
On the back

Come closer lover boy
Get me *****
Mess with me
I'll clean you up
Give you a nice buzz, buzz cut

Something to remember me by

As we grow older
As we fall apart

How deep is the ocean
Mister fisher man?

All glitter and gold on top
Waves crowned royalty
And darkness below
Darkness
Without end

Your troubles
Washed off
Sink and forget
Look up from below
Look!
Watch the light break at the surface
Magnificent, one of a kind kinda sight

Seep it in
Let's go deeper
We'll drown togehter
Take it further
How romantic

Here I am weightless
Can't fall for you anymore
I can't hear you

At last there is silence
As you drift off
The world goes quiet

And one day I woke up
Smelling flowers again
In full blossom
A feint scent of almonds walking by
I can't help it
It makes me smile

Squashed sticky between my fingers
I hold hidden flavours
Wet grass and dirt beneath me
Lying down at the river banks
My favourites resurface

Nostalgia served on a platter
A slight sting to the chest
Watching the light break and curl at the surface
Glittering gold shimmering
Water always finds it's ways

Don't get me wrong
I still feel empty
A hollow shell of a tree
That burned out long ago
Keeping up appearances

But as the sun goes down
The gentle spring night air
Speaks to me of summers warmth
Filling me, holding me up
Making my step a little lighter

I long for somebody
To love me
Soon
But for now
Today was a good day

Some people are just awful
Rotten to the core
Walking this earth in misery
They try their best to drag everyone around
Down with them

Come join me
In the mud
Pig
Let's wallow

Did you know?
There are entirely different worlds
Tucked in
The same time zone
Step from one to the next
I see you
Dancing between border lines
I call cultural shock
Time out

Did you know?
The sun rises and sets
Each day
And the next
No matter what you do
Or what happens to you
What a cruel and freeing fact

Did you know?
You didn't choose to be born into this world
This gooey mess
A moment in time experienced
But you have some control over it
While you're still up and moving

So might as well
Go all in, go out
Big
Experience what you can
And fly till you die
Find your freedom
Little dove

You gost me

Yet I'm the one
Who's left behind

I'm the one feeling invisible
And empty
Inside

I'm the one who's haunted
By your memory

How fun
I'd curse you
If it'd make a difference

Speak up?
No!

Lips
Forming the words
Sounds embarking
From my mouth
They're going on a journey
Of their own
Independent

What's on your mind
Damsel
Do tell
Make yourself seen
And heard
Talk it out?

Never!
I'll swallow them down
Push it down deeper

I still have my pride

I could be the smartest person in the world
The collective intellect in one
And still I'd be thinking about ***** all the time
Not to be crude or anything

The animal is hugry
Out for blood
The urge to feed

I'm refusing to play along
I'm refusing to go hunting

She said she likes to play
Likes to puzzle
I said okay
Let's play your game

Acting condfident
But
Feeling terrified

She'll leave me in pieces
Wishing and wanting
Torn apart
If she kept a piece for herself
I'll never be whole again

Don't be boring
Don't be weird
Entertain me, suprise me
Do you like what you see?

I need you to be bold
Take risks
Listen to what I have to say
And then remember
Read between the lines
You'll need to know when to ignore me

Respect me
Don't overstep
But put me in my place
Show effort show you care
Care for me
But don't try to hard now boy
You're coming on to strong
I need a man
To misstreat me right

All men are bad
I'm my own person
I don't need you
Are you still up?
I feel lonely
Come on over
Tell me what to do
Tell what you want

Please stay
Don't leave me before the morning comes
Do you have a shirt I can borrow?
I'll ghost you tomorrow
Can't look in the mirror
Trying to safe face

Beyond all reason
I'm still trying again
Still trying to feel safe
Learning to let myself go in your embrace

Will I ever not be
Back on that school yard
Or in my mothers kitchen?
Back in that prison of thought?
I'm always under fire in my head

All my escape plans go in circles
It's roots run deep
Underground
They'll never see the light of day

It's a sacred matter
Our holy fight
An anniversary

The remnants of yester year
Shackles
I wear them like accessories
What's the weight?

My dark persona
Always wanting and hungry
Shady
A loyal companion
Panting
At my side

Sometimes at heel
Sometimes far off
Roaming free
Out of sight out of mind

No worries
It has my scent
It will always find it'S way back to me
No point in trying to outrun your own shadow

Actors are super human
They can feel on demand
On repeat

There is freedom in the dark
To be found
If you turn away from the light
If you stop trying so hard

Stop hurting yourself
Putting up a fight
Scraping your knees
Running and stumbling
Chasing what's shining to bright

Still
I'd like to try
For a little while longer
If that's alright

Dear
Please
Don't moan into my ear
Stop kissing my neck
I have to get this done
I'm trying to concentrate here

Oh well
It's to late now to stop
Look what you've done
Come here

Open status window
Open inventory
Reapply stat points
Report error
Debug

Start a new journey
Override safe files

Do you want to continue?
Log out

How do you go
Find home in another person
Looking for familiarity
When your parents messed you up real good?
What if you can't trust your instincts?

When you don't want to end up with resemblense
Just another version of them
In your bed the next morning
Their mantra stuck in another sack of flesh
Sweat on the sheets, bad skin
Eating, *******, all consuming
They'd be so proud
Cheers to  our tradition

Your words raise red to the wind
Sounds like landmines and pitfalls to me
But what can you do
That's alawys been my colour
Painted as a cross across my chest
It suits me best
Just what I'm deserving

Let's get married
Can't wait for our honeymoon honey
Can't wait to mess up our kids
Let's raise our glasses
A toast
Cheers to our heritage

Ligthing my house on fire

I don't want to die
Not really
I wan't to live
So much left in my chest to give

Life is beautiful
It's worth to be experienced
It's society that's bringing me down
Can't look up
Gazed pinned to the ground

Sometimes I just can't see it
Sometimes I don't feel it
Sometimes I don't want to
To get up, go on
What's the point?

Lying here
In my house on fire
I feel warm

How is it
That I've learned to see the beauty in the everyday
In them, who they could be
I'm talking potential
Yet I can't seem to see any in me
Could you help me?
Maybe teach me?
Just for a little

I've never learned to live life
You see?
Can't seem to figure it out
Ah the question
How to do it right

I feel like I've missed out on a lot
Came short, short king
So much to catch up on
Yet here I am
Alone in my bed
Unwilling to move

Please
Let me feel the pain
I'll take it on fully
Let me cry rivers on end
And I'm talking ugly crying

Wheezing, shaking, rocking, howling
Whiping snort away
I'm way past overdue
For so long I've held it together
Kept it up
I've unlearned how to let it all go

Please
Allow me right now
To let it out
You'll have to excuse me for the display
And for the sobbing you see
I've never had a place
Where I felt safe
I've never found my people
And I've been losing my ground

A collection of scents
Jars stacked high with strange contents
Cursive, faded labels
Weird shapes within
Shattered shards of glass
Reflections
Flickering in the low light

A library of memories
Books that are falling apart
Coverd in dust
Unreadeable words
In a forgotten language

A catalouge of emotions
Almost forgotten
Remnants that are trapped here
Echoing in empty halls unwandered are
The steps you leave behind
Are the only signs of life
In here
There's nothing left for you to find

Rereading all of my texts now
Redoing them
I feel the urge
Put a wet sponge to the board
Erase all the words
Leave no witnesses
No chalk lines left at the crime scene

But if I'd delete everything
That wasn't instant perfection
Cheap ramen in a chipped bowl
Pour hot water on top
Five minutes and it's done
My quick kinda fix
To statisfy the hunger
Not feeling the itch for a little longer

If I'd give in
There'd be nothing of me left
In this world
To go off on
So don't hold back
Go off little one

Our time together is limited
Cut short by my design
Let's make the most of it
Trying to buy time

Running out
I always end up alone
Going down
Before the finish line

I don't have my people
Never met someone
Who I felt secure enough with
To fully trust
To connect with
Let's go off script!

Who might understand
Who'd be willing to listen?
I couldn't explain myself anyways
Anymore
It's been so long I've forgotten

Makes sense tho
I'm not a real person
Just a hollow wind up doll
All lines and make pretend
A walking matryoshka
Layers on layers of crumbling paint
Yet nothings inside to find

Dear friends

Of course
I want you to be happy
Suceed in life
Find your place, your people
Be happy whatever it takes

But why
Do I always get left behind in the process
Am I worthless after all?
When is it my turn?

Hi, you up?

I'm a curious person
I gotta ask, I gotta know

What's it like
To hug you from behind?
What are you like
When there is no one else around
beside me and you?

I hold you now closely
In my mind
To my chest
Upclose
My face in your hair

What’ it like?
To hold hands , your skin on my skin
What’s the taste of your lips
When we kiss?
The taste of your neck
As I am doubling down?

Experiments of chemistry
Are conducted in the dark.
Your pretty face blushing
Your perfum in my nose
Your neck plus my palm
The rising tension in between
Laws of attraction
What does it all add up to?

To hear you breathe,
Your whispered words
To hear your mind shut off,
Your voice slip out
As it grows louder and louder
And finally give in

Give up
Surrender your controll
To me
Give me permission,
Please
I beg you
Let me take over
Let me take care of you

Green light, red light
Lights out
Now switch

Oh to just trace your curves
To do it
Over and over
Up and down
Again and again
Togehter and apart
You have me mesmerized

What’s it like for to time lose it’s meaning?
To get lost intertwined
Inseparably?
Our feet to be indistinguishable
From each other
From the end of the bed?
How soft are your thighs?
Careful I bite
Will you leave your marks on me?

Please,
You have me on my knees
Before you
You have me
All of me
I worship you women

I’m actually nervous
I hope I don’t bore you
I hope I’m enough
For I’m already lost

The shape of your breast already imbedded
The memory of us forever burned in my mind
As a precious little thing we did back then
Do you remember?
Will you remember me?

It takes the breeze to cool us off
Drenched in sweat
Sunk in each other
The magical hour
When walls fall down and secrets come out
When bonds are formed
In the cover of the night

Time to rest
To fall asleep,
Wake up next to each othe in the morning to come
Togehter?

Tell me
What’s it like?
To share a cigarette,
Coffe in the morning.
How do you take it?
Black, no milk no sugar?

Let’s go for a walk.
Let’s eat, I’ll cook
Let’s do it today, tomorrow and the day after
Till days turn to weeks
and weeks to How-was-your-day‘s
Tell me.

What's it like
In the night?
Laying next to you?
What’s it like to wake up
next to you?
For now and ever?

What are you like
Upclose?

Cutie
What I'm saying is
I'd like to take you out

Sailor, sailor
Riding the waves
Facing the horizon
Breaking wind
Sunrise to sundown

Truly a master of the elements
But a master of oneself?

How romantic
How platonic
You're heading north
It's going south

Away, away
Where are you going?
What are you running from?

I try to spread
As much light as I get
Leave the world a brighter place
And still protect myself in the process

Yet
I myself always lean to the dark
For the comfort of it's safety
Afraid to be blinded
Afraid to be emberassed
Being out in the open

I'm scared
Please don't hurt me

Meeting you
I understand now

Why hands need to be held
And lips urge to be kissed

Chasing the shapes of the sand
Following the ways of the wind
Taking grains to the sky
In waterfalls
A gentle cutting
Persistantly reshaping
Sturdier than stone

A dead ocean of dirt and stone
Where an ocean once flew
It comes in shades of yellow, orange and red

Now I walk over the waves
Marked by sunlight and shade
I go where the wind writes it's whispers
Into the dunes
Going in lines
Curving forever and ever

I lose myself
In the silence
In the warmth and cold
Into the nothingness of the vast views ahead
The endless flow
Stretching out to the horizon
And further
Beautiful yet deadly if ever misstreated
Devastating if ever misunderstood

You could smell the sun rising
Before the first rays touched you
Before the light reached you
To chase away the stifness in your joints
The coldness in your bones

An open promise
Of warmth spreading back into the world
Chasing away the dark,
Bringing back it's colour
Once more

I open up my mind
Let in a little light
Breathe deep
To feel alive again

Today is a good day,

I've been touched by the sun
I am filled with light
Resonating the warmth

Your perfume speaks to me
Through your proximity
You're close to me stranger

It speaks of a smile heavy
With it's years of history
Of struggle and conflict
Ups and downs,
Of beauty and bliss

A smile of familiarity
Of deep understanding
And recognition in another
Your eyes are a mirror of magic
I can see all of you
As I've learned to love you
And yet see myself clearly
Through your point of view

I know that we walk this road together
That we are meant to be
Together
Till the end
From here on out
Forever

As the moment passes
Your scent leaves me
I can still feel
The warmth of your hand
Lovingly holding my cheek

I lean into it
As I mouth my last goodbye
To you dear stranger
To another opportunity missed
Of a life
Well lived

A familiar scent
Welcomes me
In a strange country
Faced with it's workings
Unkown to me
Riddled thick with a language I don't speak

A sudden warmth
Comes over me
With the scent of summer
Carried in a breeze
Craddling me
Making me feel at home
Here

As the wind blows by
The moment passes
I close my eyes
And at last
I can fall
Asleep

And yet again
I'm left wondering
Turning in bed

Do I still love you
Or just
Your afterimage?

Don't listen to the words
Listen for the meaning within
The intentions conveyed
Emotions quelled, bursting out
In a matter of melodic sounds

Behind curtains drawn
Before thick brick walls
Stacked high
Yet fragile
There they are waiting

Listen to all the noise
The whispers
Unspoken out loud
And you might gain
A piece of the puzzle

Rejoice
For the world lies before you
Like an open book
In a library of many more
It's secret yet to be discovered
Spread out before you are
All of it's wonders

How can you be
Always on my mind
Forever,
Close to my heart
And next to me
When the night falls
And I grow lonely

Yet you're still
Missing
Form my life?

And my lips mouth
The words
I dare not speak
Out loud
And make them come true

You see
My cowardice is still my biggest flaw
It's holding me back

For here I am
Living my life
In my prime

And I miss you
Still

I wrote you a love letter
while wearing her perfume
On my wrist
Affirmations on a tissue
Or was it a puking bag?

To seat 4D

To you,
Whoever you might be
I wonder are you lost,
On your way,
Or perhaps are you found?

Just for a moment
Together,
Here,
With me
Somewhere in eternity

So
As it became winter  again
The question arose

Dark thoughts
or just
Dark weather?

I tried again
Unfortunately  

Because
Obviously

She unmatched me

The first time
I cut
Was with the pocket knife
My mother gifted to me
For my coming of age

"In case something need fixing"

Pinks like teeth
Ripping on flesh
Dragged through my skin

I didn't go very deep

No courage to life
No courage to die
Back then

A total failure
What an embarrassment
Lost  in a stalemate
Of heritage and upbringing

Left alone between
A loving broken home
And a suffocating society

Different ages call for different cages
Different in size and shape
But all the same in it's function

I'm out now
Free,
Free to lock myself away
To go looking on my own
For the familiar safety
That is found behind bars.

There is this one question
Which seems to manifest
Waiting, lurking
Behind every turn
And every corner
A reacurring visitor

Tell me
Where did I go wrong?
What did I miss?

Tell me
What is wrong with me?