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1.4k · Feb 2021
No debts to pay
Jonas Feb 2021
You don't know me.
I read books, listen to music, watch movies, meet friends.
I cook, I bake, I drink,  sometimes to much.
I learn new things, sometimes not enough.
I work, eat, sleep , repeat.
I draw, I wirte, I exercise.
I try to date to the date.
I have good days and I have bad days.
I struggle everyday, more than you can see.
I do all these things, trying out new ways to be me,
  that you know nothing about.

Now you don't get to look down on,
Don't you dare try lecturing me.

For you left when I was a child
and didn't care to visit.
Now you're back in my life
but it's not for my good, is it?

I owe you nothing.
Keep your distance.
gotta love your family
1.2k · Feb 2021
Ignorance
Jonas Feb 2021
who are you
to stand in my way so steadily
said the woodpecker
to the tree
877 · Apr 2021
Untitled
Jonas Apr 2021
Missing out or
being left beind
which is worse?




As if you had the choice ...
706 · May 2021
memory / edit
Jonas May 2021
We tend to forget our past struggles
The details
of pains gone by
and obstacles overcome.
Until life reminds us again
to be thankful.
.
.
.
I am thankful today.
I can walk,, run and bike freely for hours and that's normal. It wasn't always like that. It could have ended differently. It still might. But for now. Thank you so much.
584 · Feb 2021
Freedom at last
Jonas Feb 2021
Break out of my world
let go of the shackles
free the chainend
no strings attached
wrapped around my neck
breath freely
at last
don't look back
what a beautiful mind
may you find the answers I'm missing
goodbye
553 · Mar 2021
breakfast talks
Jonas Mar 2021
...
"Yeah I know, I know.

It's okay to show emotion,
to let it out sometimes.
I'll be careful yes.
I'll ask for help if I need any.
Onions and garlic to the oil for more fragnance, right?
I forgot the lasagne recipe tho.
I got skinnier? You think?
Swalloing food isn't easy at the moment, I'm trying.
Hm? Ah stain, where?
I just washed it tho.
How do you get ink stains out?
And red wine?
Yes I will go easy on the alcohol.
Work has been rough. I'm not good with...
I said work has been rough lately.
No you're not deaf. I just mumble you know that.
My teeth are in fact not stuck together. See? grrrr
At least the stuttering got better.
I actually managed to ask out a women the other day.
Yes she is cute.
MOM!
That's why I never tell you anything.
...
I'm getting a bit cold here.
Hope you don't mind that I borrowed your coat.
It just fits me so much better than you.
No but the colour brings out my pretty eyes so much better.
Yeah I know I got your eyes, you kept telling me.
Better get going or I'll miss the train.
I'll see you then.
Bye Mom."
...

rests flowers on her grave
.
Just because I'm strong, selfsufficent and an adult and stuff doesn't mean I don't need you.
470 · Feb 2021
The sound of
Jonas Feb 2021
rats fleeing through sewers
screeching in vain
blood dripping from cut after cut
paper thin pain

the swelling sobbing thunder
louder than ever
ringing the bells
from the highest tower torn asunder

tears crashing
lighting strikes again and again
a mother's inaudible cry
for her baby boy
time gone by
dead in pointless struggle

for that too is part of life
never forget my friend
happiness is a privilege
I'll leave you with that
- the end -
466 · May 2021
keep'em coming
Jonas May 2021
Gods great plan.
He's testing us.
Stones laid in our way.
What doesn't **** you
makes you live
a little longer.

This is not a test.
It's a personal vendetta.
Said stones aren't laying around
they're aiming for my head.
And I can't keep avoiding them,
dodging 'em forever.
425 · Feb 2021
Away
Jonas Feb 2021
So you're going then?
Yes I'm leaving
... me behind, again.
For some time, I'm coming back .... I think
Why are you doing this? What are you looking for?
Experience, Purpose, Answers, Determination
 Love, Life, Death,
Memories of the future
and whatever all of that summs up to

It hurts to see you go.
I know,but you know what?
...
It means it has been real
It means it has been worth it
;
Getting left hurts, please don't leave me behind
Stay clear of open windows
I'll be seeing you my old friend
397 · Apr 11
Bridgerton
Jonas Apr 11
Ready your tea cups and bring out the biscuits,
chaps,
it's time for gossip.
395 · Aug 2021
goodbye sailor
Jonas Aug 2021
You are to me like the most beautiful ocean,
;
How many times does one die when drowning?
387 · Feb 2021
get out
Jonas Feb 2021
I'm looking for Meaning
for answers to the questions blurry in my mind
visable through my screaming heart
my aching chest
the hole in the middle
where my soul ought to be
fighting for room, fighting for breath
;
I'm looking for Love
whatever that is supposed to be
a gift, a curse, a savior
responsibility
freedom of me
try not to run away
at first sight
;
I'm looking for Death
for it is a choice
but binding by nature
unavoidable
face it
accept or despair
one can not wander in a painting
without minding the frame
;
I'm looking for Purpose
for me to face myself
in no mirror
you weak, fragile, useless being
find your use
don't be to ******* yourself
they say
;
I'm looking for many things in Life
yet do not open the door
I am scared
live to die another day
in my bedroom
get out
;
one step at a time
It's natural to be scared
that's how you become brave.
366 · Mar 2021
/reset
Jonas Mar 2021
I'm living life
I'm doing fine
I'm in control

Something happens
something I do perhaps
a decision, a mood, an impulse
maybe someone

I stutter, stumble
fall right out of it
head first to the concrete

Everything is wrong
the movments of my body
the placement of my feet
what is reality?

Top down view
front row
what a **** show

Everything is to much
peoples chatter humming, building up
sun light blinding to my eyes
stop looking at me

Here we go again
take it from the top
more like bottom, crawling up

Does it get better or worse
easier or harder
strong or weak
whith each run?

What's the grand prize?
Everything feels wrong again
It's groundhog day all over again
366 · Jul 2021
surreal
Jonas Jul 2021
Somedays
I fall out of time
and have to force my way back
crawl to the surface
of this demanding reality
365 · Feb 2021
poetry, the
Jonas Feb 2021
emotions put into thoughts
thoughts into words
(play around)
words into you
(emotion again)
now you can feel them too
.
your turn
.
.
.
P. is emotion turnend into thoughts, expressed through words conveying emotions yet again for someone to relate and resonance to.
It's also a game.
Press Play
349 · Feb 2021
The answer is -strength-
Jonas Feb 2021
How can you get success , love and happiness?
Strength!          [Why do you ask me that?]

What if you can't be succesful alone?
More Strength                                    [ pls...]

What if you need to accept weakness to love?
Grow stronger!                                 [stop it]

What if that doesn‘t make you …
STRENGTH!                                 [I can‘t ...]

You are none of these things are you?
Stop it!                               [ STRENGTHH!]
You‘re lost aren‘t you?
Help me ... I am broken       [I hate myself ]
Oh the irony ,when being weak and vulnurable takes the biggest strength.
Being brave does not mean acting without fear, it means acting despite of the crushing feeling of it.
349 · Apr 15
Don't wanna know
Jonas Apr 15
What's it like,
being happy witout a care?
.
A puppy in the sun
326 · May 14
well
Jonas May 14
I wanted to be healthy
to be happy, to be loved,

to stay kind whatever the struggle

None of that worked out
314 · Apr 2021
what a life
Jonas Apr 2021
how much **** can you take
before you break
******* everything
in your way
290 · Feb 2021
Weltschmerz
Jonas Feb 2021
I'm good
most of the time
I'm in control
I'm satisfied, I can feel happines

But sometimes a feeling comes crashing over me
out of nowhere
triggerd
like when you finish a good book
the end credits roll
of a movie all so beautiful
emptiness sitting on your chest so heavily
I can't cry
no release granted
"pain demands to be felt"
my heart breaks, my mind trying to keep up
my heart can't keep up, my mind breaks loose
emptiness
the despair of ficitional characters
familiar but strangers all the same
not real but reality to me
I care for them, being dead inside
"face death, deal with it or lose yourself"
the last page is turned
the story stopped
all are dead and yet alive
in me
not enough room, make way

I try to numb it out to get back in control
whisky burns my lips
smoke scratches my throat
whishing for release
lose it, keep it tucked in forever
though I feel, finally
alive
I want to punish myself
I lose control for good
emotions bundle up to the surface
make up for time lost before
drunk texting
regret in the morning after
I need to express myself
to you, to anyone, get it out
there is no one here

Weltschmerz
pain of the world
all in one
tiny little heart so fragile
I'm made up of stories

My friend can I come over
I'm in that mood again
265 · Mar 2021
monster, the(me)
Jonas Mar 2021
They know

something is teribly wrong
with me
something is off
I'm not right
not normal
They can see
sense it
can't pin it down
find excuses
but They know
246 · Sep 2021
A perfect storm
Jonas Sep 2021
Heavy sinks the sailors heart
He pulled through sun, sea and storm on the daily
But this change of course
he could not have forseen

When the sails are singing tales
of loved ones left behind
waves come crashing down on him
His soul is swept away

Being lost at sea, now
sun rays touch his face
Beneath the surface
he rests

happily ever after
230 · Mar 2021
victors history
Jonas Mar 2021
the victim
the accuser
or the perpetrator

a scheme
a cause
or a result

one great plan
the cycle of life
or  a random mess

everything
nothing
a matter of perspective

theirs
or
yours?
226 · Jul 2021
It's okay
Jonas Jul 2021
You're allowed to fall
through all safety nets
for a while
but breaking
is not an option
dear friend
210 · Mar 22
english breakfast
Jonas Mar 22
I'm your cup of tea


left alone for to long,
grown cold and bitter
188 · Feb 2021
Sommer
Jonas Feb 2021
Aufstehen, von der Sonne geweckt

der erste Kaffe steht bereit
Katzen die sich in Gärten strecken
du liest ein Buch, das tu ich auch
die Hängematte, schwingt zwischen den Tannen
Tauben zirpen, Zickarden gurren
dein Eis schmilzt und tropft
sonnengebleichte Haare steht in die Richtung des Windes
braungebrannte Haut schwitzig, später salzverkrustet
Sonnencremduft, an uns
Pommes rotweiß an den Fingern, klebrig
die Sonne blendet, ist  schon okay
Wellenrauschen, tobende Kinder kreischen
Sand zwischen den Zehen
du neben mir auf dem Handtuch
gemeinsam dösen
gehen wir nochmal rein?
Gösser, der letzte Schluck
ein bisschien zu warm
Dämmerung Barfuß auf dem Fahrrad
Lagerfeuerrauch in Augen und Nase,
blaue Flamme Knack zisch
weinrotgefärbte Lippen, Zungen so schwer wie der Kopf
Zeitlos

Bis morgen!
181 · May 2021
Y/N
Jonas May 2021
Y/N
yes or no
positive or negative
affirmation or negation
the differnce matters

except when it doesn't
for we are
"past the point of returning"
"past the point of no return"
171 · Apr 13
Dating
Jonas Apr 13
Feels cold now doesn't it?
The flame almost went out.

Question is, are you here to rekindle
or to put a boot to the embers?
164 · Apr 11
it's cold inside
Jonas Apr 11
A warm tea in hand
the world looks brighter,

make me  a chai
my soul is freezing over.
148 · Feb 22
Good morning
Jonas Feb 22
What to do,

read a book in the sun
pair a cigarette with coffe
visit your old hometown
work till you tire from exhaustion
work out and hate yourself
stare at the sky and listen to the wind,

instead,
when you can't be hugged,
can't be loved.
148 · Jan 16
sweetheart
Jonas Jan 16
Funny,
how all I need to forget myself,
forget my troubles

Is to hear you chuckle
hear you moan

with me.
137 · Feb 2021
[My] reality
Jonas Feb 2021
Drowning in myself,
getting lost in my reality

  [ there's no such thing ]   
                         
But how can that be?
   For you are sitting here, right next to me
    breathing, loving  ... verbally

[ why me? ]

Right...
you are a person                                             [ not my solution ]
and I am still
just uterlly alone                                                  [ just so lonely ]

 ...   how much longer?
You are in a room with a friend or lover: "reality" nmbr.1
You are in your head at the same time: "reality" nmbr.2
Both overlap, what's what, what's true?
134 · Mar 22
war
Jonas Mar 22
war
our days are numbered
time is running thin
change is coming
say goodbye to your kin

it breaks out
like a volcano in the night
you wake up in another world
unable to turn back, you take up the fight
128 · Feb 10
open window
Jonas Feb 10
inhale
exhale
bathing in fresh air

the midsummer breeze
the cold winters bite
101 · May 14
Just me and you
Jonas May 14
My past, the younger me
is watching, staring

While I reminis, judge and look back

staring back at me
79 · Mar 2021
Journey
Jonas Mar 2021
I am
twentyone years old
and already tired
so tired
from the journeys wanderd
in my mind
now
lay me down to rest
give me free
75 · Jan 16
coward
Jonas Jan 16
I'd rather leave it unfinished
take it easy
crack a joke
than to mess it up and watch me fail

again
71 · Feb 2021
Poerty II
Jonas Feb 2021
A diary
for the broken ones and the fixed
for the yearning
the lost, the found, the loving
and the trapped
the free spirits of this world
and maybe the next

laid out before you
a map of it all

collect them
all these perfect little moments
hiding in plain sight
waiting to be found
keep em
but let them stay free
71 · Jan 17
knock knock
Jonas Jan 17
When I look in the mirror
I see
pathetic
It's me
I'm pathetic
70 · Apr 15
mom
Jonas Apr 15
mom
I'd let you be part of my life more.

If you would stop being so desperate for it,
clinging to me like a parasite,
a scavanger picking at every bone I rid,
always meddling in our lifes alike.

So instead of letting you in I build my walls up higher,
grow colder every time.

Growing up I learned to protect myself from you,
from the damage your love could do.
69 · Feb 2021
Going in Circles
Jonas Feb 2021
Here we go again
step by step
this time it's different I say
things have changed, I've changed
I think to myself
again

I stop, just a moment
I look up, same old road
I look down, old familiar steps
sunk in a bit deeper into the ground
I've been here before,many, many times

Game over,
try again
the only thing changing
is the passing of time and the pace of my steps

Can't outrun yourself
Maybe I should just lay down
watch the seasons go by

What's the point?
I've never stopped to question it before

To afraid to find answers
69 · Jul 2021
Don't catch feelings
Jonas Jul 2021
Don't forget to breathe
she said
Why, you're gonna stop me?
I said
My lips on yours
the End
69 · Apr 29
people help the people
Jonas Apr 29
Do you ever watch yourself becoming someone
you don't wanna be,
don't wanna end up as,

But you can't help it, can't stop it
just try to hold on
because of other peoples actions?

I am the monster you created
68 · Apr 17
Untitled
Jonas Apr 17
If I used my camera as I use my eyes

you'd never run out of
pictures
of
you, you
and you again.
dunno, never been in love
63 · Apr 15
grown
Jonas Apr 15
Overcoming your trauma,
the ghosts of your past.

Means finding your way back to the you
from before,
means meeting a stranger,
getting to know the real you.

Hello roomie, nice flat.
Mind if we open the curtains,
let some sunshine in.
60 · Jul 2021
Of candle light and stars
Jonas Jul 2021
;
You are human, not a moth.
Choose your flame.
And burn.
Burn.
60 · Jul 2021
Sing me your lullaby
Jonas Jul 2021
Awaken children.
We have a long day ahead of us.
Lust,
envy,
loss,
hunger,
scorn,
hate,
despise,
loneliness,
b­itterness,
addiction,
sadness,
hope,
more sadness,
awaits.
Time to go.
Nostalgia soon will follow.
Of childhood dreams well spend.
You'll get to sleep again.
Awaken children.
.
60 · Apr 15
A test of endurance
Jonas Apr 15
I don't want to die.
I wanna life.

So why won't you let me?
What is wrong with me?
59 · Jul 2021
Alive / the same
Jonas Jul 2021
To put a time stamp on ones life.
How much are you worth?
What's your number?
Clock out.
Take your break.
Never come back.
...
57 · Apr 15
restday
Jonas Apr 15
Every day screams

give in,
give up,
give in,

into my face.
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