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Jonas Oct 2021
Hi,
you up?

I'm a curious person

I gotta ask, gotta know
you know?

What's it like?

To hug you from behind
smelling your hair.
To hold you and be held
biting your lip in the dark.
To whisper sounds, hear you breathe,
hear you moan?
To trace your curves over and over
up and down.
How soft are your thighs?

The shape of your breast
your hand in my hand.
The shape of us, feet intertwined.
Your skin on my skin.
The light breeze on you, resting.
Would you leave marks on me?

To fall asleep, to wake up with you.
"How was your day" and "I miss you already" 's
To share a cigarette, one coffe in the morning.
Black, no sugar?

Your taste, your smell, your sounds.
Tell me.

What's it like in the night?
Laying next to you?
no regrets
Jonas 1d
I need you to let go
let go off the " how are you" 's and " how you're doing" 's
stop touching me
all the time, all so casually
It's not okay.
Jonas Apr 8
To travel the world
and shoot the palces I've seen
the books I've read
and the stories I've visited.
.
To share them with you
for when I'm gone
you get to see where I've been,
who I've become.
Jonas Jul 2021
To put a time stamp on ones life.
How much are you worth?
What's your number?
Clock out.
Take your break.
Never come back.
...
Jonas Dec 2021
Who are you
when doors shut close
your friends in another room?
When no one's watching?
Only you and your consciousness remain.

Your hidden sides creep out,
bones aching pulling down,
demons crawling forth,
insects nibbling at your skull
The past comes knocking,
flooding in
with whisperd words


Memories are haunting
you can evade them in company
but you're all alone now.
Can't drown them out now.
Can't look away now.
Do you see?

Is that really me?
Or am I the other person
Jonas Sep 2021
Heavy sinks the sailors heart
He pulled through sun, sea and storm on the daily
But this change of course
he could not have forseen

When the sails are singing tales
of loved ones left behind
waves come crashing down on him
His soul is swept away

Being lost at sea, now
sun rays touch his face
Beneath the surface
he rests

happily ever after
Jonas Jan 16
"You know,
I knew I liked you from the momet I first saw you
Did you?"

" No
Back then you were a girl  and I was a fool

You are a women now.
Smart, funny, breathtaking beautiful
I adore you so much it hurts

And I'm still a fool
A fool for you"
Jonas Apr 15
I don't want to die.
I wanna life.

So why won't you let me?
What is wrong with me?
Jonas Feb 2021
So you're going then?
Yes I'm leaving
... me behind, again.
For some time, I'm coming back .... I think
Why are you doing this? What are you looking for?
Experience, Purpose, Answers, Determination
 Love, Life, Death,
Memories of the future
and whatever all of that summs up to

It hurts to see you go.
I know,but you know what?
...
It means it has been real
It means it has been worth it
;
Getting left hurts, please don't leave me behind
Stay clear of open windows
I'll be seeing you my old friend
Jonas 1d
If energies are transformed and preserved,
not lost
Where did mine go?
Nothing's left for the simplest of tasks
I used to have a seemingly infinite amount
Where did it go, I can't stop to ask.
Jonas May 2021
Beliving in something
actualy caring about something
again
is hard
cause you're riskig of losig it
and you lost it before
and you can't be disappointed again
can you?
Jonas Mar 2021
...
"Yeah I know, I know.

It's okay to show emotion,
to let it out sometimes.
I'll be careful yes.
I'll ask for help if I need any.
Onions and garlic to the oil for more fragnance, right?
I forgot the lasagne recipe tho.
I got skinnier? You think?
Swalloing food isn't easy at the moment, I'm trying.
Hm? Ah stain, where?
I just washed it tho.
How do you get ink stains out?
And red wine?
Yes I will go easy on the alcohol.
Work has been rough. I'm not good with...
I said work has been rough lately.
No you're not deaf. I just mumble you know that.
My teeth are in fact not stuck together. See? grrrr
At least the stuttering got better.
I actually managed to ask out a women the other day.
Yes she is cute.
MOM!
That's why I never tell you anything.
...
I'm getting a bit cold here.
Hope you don't mind that I borrowed your coat.
It just fits me so much better than you.
No but the colour brings out my pretty eyes so much better.
Yeah I know I got your eyes, you kept telling me.
Better get going or I'll miss the train.
I'll see you then.
Bye Mom."
...

rests flowers on her grave
.
Just because I'm strong, selfsufficent and an adult and stuff doesn't mean I don't need you.
Jonas 1d
Und du gibst und gibst und gibst und gibst und gibst und gibst
Und du gibst und gibst und gibst und und gibst du gibst,
gibst und nimmst.
Und du gibst und gibst und gibst und gibst
und kriegst nichts zurück
Und du gibst und gibst und gibst
und sprichst, doch sie verstehen dich nicht, einfach wieder nicht, einfach widerlich.
Und du gibst und gibst
und so gibt es für dich, schon wieder nichts.
Und du gibst noch mehr,
und du verlierst dich,
findest dich nicht mehr,
Du existierst kaum noch,
Wie lange ist es schon her?
Es muss ein neues Kapitel her,
denkst du und gibst ihnen nochmals mehr.
Und sie erwarten es von dir,
Und sie danken es dir nicht,
ja verdammt siehst du es denn endlich nicht?
So, so nutzen sie dich.
Jonas Apr 11
Ready your tea cups and bring out the biscuits,
chaps,
it's time for gossip.
Jonas Feb 10
No matter how cold I shower,
I can't freeze my thoughts

No matter how hot,
I can't chase them out

No matter how hard I scrub, it's stll my skin,
that I am living in
Jonas 1d
In life as in death
bury me in books, in stories
coverd in ink, in words long dried out.
Jonas Jul 2021
I almost had ******* everything.
Oh and there is a woman.
...
A woman is what I might need
for me.
To see what is what
and what still might be.

So I gave you my everything.
Did not hold back.
And what did you give me?

A
*******
virus.

Your kiss just might be
deadly to me.
Jonas May 14
Offer me a hand
or reach me the gun

either way help,
do something .
Jonas Apr 15
I keep wasing my hair,
hoping you will run your fingers through.
I shave hoping you will touch my cheeks,
I keep changing my sheets longing for you,
everyday.
Jonas 1d
The power a simple letter holds,
Y is the difference between freak and freaky
Between yours and ours
.
Cellar man where you gonna run to?
Jonas 1d
You're so beautiful,
seeing you walking down the street all so casually,
I can't look up again
gaze bound to the ground.

Your glance is burning me, I flinch away
my chest is screaming
run boy run,
run for your dear life.
Jonas Jan 16
Your lips my lips,
apocalypse.
.
Is that my thought or just another song lyric?
.
If all the thoughts have been made before
all the actions been taken
walked down every road
.
Am I even my own person
or just a replicant,
an open transmitter broadcasating?
Jonas Jan 16
I'd rather leave it unfinished
take it easy
crack a joke
than to mess it up and watch me fail

again
Jonas Apr 13
At one crossroad
at one minute
at any time
a hundred lifes can meet,

Yet no one notices, no one cares
except me and you.
We stand still for a minute,
before you're gone too.
Jonas Apr 15
I'm a man

Hate me, hit me, **** me,
Insult me, ghost me, spit me in the face.
Destoy me, my life.

No one notices,
No one cares
Jonas Apr 13
Feels cold now doesn't it?
The flame almost went out.

Question is, are you here to rekindle
or to put a boot to the embers?
Jonas Jan 16
Why is it so hard in this world
to find yourself valued and respected,
loved even

when you are trying so hard to be kind
to keep smiling
and not become bitter?
Jonas Jan 16
Quickly
A pen, a paper , your grocery list
anything

The words are already fading
from my mind
quickly
Jonas Jan 16
How many hits does it take
to change the nature of a dog unbothered?
So he becomes a violent creature
that bites the next.
Jonas Jul 2021
Don't forget to breathe
she said
Why, you're gonna stop me?
I said
My lips on yours
the End
Jonas Apr 15
What's it like,
being happy witout a care?
.
A puppy in the sun
Jonas Mar 22
I'm your cup of tea


left alone for to long,
grown cold and bitter
Jonas May 27
Smoke in my lungs
to fill up the emptiness in my chest

Nicotine to my head
for when the world overwhelms me again

Once every day.
Jonas Apr 2021
love
hate
peace?

never
ever
again?

whole
broken
design of mine?

hope
despair
endlessly

forever ever after
dead or alive
Jonas Mar 24
My book is falling apart
in my hands
as I read it.

With these caring hands
I'm trying  to hold the pages together.
Please hold out a little longer.
I'm not done with the story,
not done with you yet.

No happy end
No ever after.
Jonas May 14
Whatever you'll say
whatever you'll do

I'll never be good enough
in my own head

Whatever happens,
that's not gonna change
Jonas Apr 11
Just so we're clear this is personal.
I wrote this for me, I wrote this for friends, my mom, as therapy.
I wrote this for people to see,
to see me. Finally.

After I've died that is,
after I've done it, possibly killed myself.
Good riddance.
Now put the book back in the shelf.

This is my inner point of view, it is but a fracture,
a specific frame,
not the whole picture.
My solemn manufacture.

It's also me just fooling around.
I's also me just being lonely, being *****.
Find me.
Jonas Jan 17
I'd listen in to my neighbours
an ear pressed against the wall
for hours.
Shivering, cold
my back arched
trying to get closer.

Just to feel something.
Jonas Feb 2021
Break out of my world
let go of the shackles
free the chainend
no strings attached
wrapped around my neck
breath freely
at last
don't look back
what a beautiful mind
may you find the answers I'm missing
goodbye
Jonas Mar 25
To drink freshly squezed juice,
to feel alive in the sun.

Oh how would it be nice,
if spring was coming.
Jonas Feb 2021
I'm looking for Meaning
for answers to the questions blurry in my mind
visable through my screaming heart
my aching chest
the hole in the middle
where my soul ought to be
fighting for room, fighting for breath
;
I'm looking for Love
whatever that is supposed to be
a gift, a curse, a savior
responsibility
freedom of me
try not to run away
at first sight
;
I'm looking for Death
for it is a choice
but binding by nature
unavoidable
face it
accept or despair
one can not wander in a painting
without minding the frame
;
I'm looking for Purpose
for me to face myself
in no mirror
you weak, fragile, useless being
find your use
don't be to ******* yourself
they say
;
I'm looking for many things in Life
yet do not open the door
I am scared
live to die another day
in my bedroom
get out
;
one step at a time
It's natural to be scared
that's how you become brave.
Jonas Feb 2021
Here we go again
step by step
this time it's different I say
things have changed, I've changed
I think to myself
again

I stop, just a moment
I look up, same old road
I look down, old familiar steps
sunk in a bit deeper into the ground
I've been here before,many, many times

Game over,
try again
the only thing changing
is the passing of time and the pace of my steps

Can't outrun yourself
Maybe I should just lay down
watch the seasons go by

What's the point?
I've never stopped to question it before

To afraid to find answers
Jonas Aug 2021
You are to me like the most beautiful ocean,
;
How many times does one die when drowning?
Jonas Feb 22
What to do,

read a book in the sun
pair a cigarette with coffe
visit your old hometown
work till you tire from exhaustion
work out and hate yourself
stare at the sky and listen to the wind,

instead,
when you can't be hugged,
can't be loved.
Jonas Apr 15
Overcoming your trauma,
the ghosts of your past.

Means finding your way back to the you
from before,
means meeting a stranger,
getting to know the real you.

Hello roomie, nice flat.
Mind if we open the curtains,
let some sunshine in.
Jonas 1d
What's wrong with me?
Where did this come from
when did it start?
How is it, that any social interaction turns akward
conversations falling apart?
That long pause in the end
that irritated look, a stab to my heart.

Stop questioning me
stop looking like that.
Jonas Mar 2021
It was just
to much *******
to many broken pieces
not enough love
to mend

so

let me ease my mind
release
you're gonna carry that weight
you will
beyond hell or heaven
Jonas Jul 2021
Finally
You are an answer
to a question long longing,
burning through
a hole in my  chest
my being.

A temporary answer perhaps
a substitute,
an overripe fruit picked from a tree
before falling, breaking, molding
bursting open
unconditionally?

But that hohle was my furnace
that fire my flame
without it
what even am I?
doing?
here?
with you?
without you?
leave me, hold me

Call me by your name.
Jonas 1d
Just because the ocean is so vast
and quite a while the journey might just last,
doesn't mean I can't run the ship into a sand bank
A wreck buried in the ground,
nowhere to be found.
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