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Nabs Dec 2015
She's a garden no one wants.
Eyes full of marigolds.
Nightshades stained lips.
Soil drenched with blood.
This is the first in the series of Girls Class.
Nabs Dec 2015
A girl is sitting in the corner
Shaking her body back and forth
Garbled sounds coming out of her blue lips
Blue lips like the pills scattered on the floor

She is drowning and no one is helping

Her body shook and shook
And shake and shake and shake
Rattling from the wind, the dark, everything
She cough and cough, blood staining her dress

Her flat belly becomes big and round
Big and round, big and round
Full and brimming with life
It is a life she never wanted

Fingers are touching her
Long and gnarly, short and smooth
Leaving bruises, painting her in oil and smudges
Violating her down down below

She is littered with cuts
Wounds upon wounds
Festering and infected
The blood was no longer red

Her skin is a myriads of explosive color
Her blood an abyss of pain and sorrow
She is a shell, a shell of skin and misery
She is human no more

She is screaming

She is screaming as hooks pierced her arm
Made from words and arrows
She is being yanked and yanked and yanked
Stretched thin to the bone

Bone that no longer held the marrows of life

A hollow man cradled her hair
Playing with her hair in a mocking gesture of love
He trailed his fingers down her spine
Wanting to break it and make it arch

She is limp in the hold, frozen in disgust

Knives is touching her skin
Slashing words and possession unto her
Pulling life out of her eyes
Eyes that used to hold stars and universe

He force himself upon her
Calling it an act of love love love
A mockery, a desecration of something holy
She is filled with fluid, disgust, and blame

Her shoulders are being bent and bent
Askew in so many ways
Like herself that is no more
She wonders if now she's an it

Wonder if she could erase her self from existence

She screams

Abyss pooled from her legs
Dead stars haunting her
Her legs are spread spread wide
Bones, she felt like her bones are breaking

She screams and screams
Until her throats are torn into shreds
Voice traded into air and silence
No longer can she speak, no longer

She is being burned with pain
Ice and fire and lightning
Pain sharp, so so so sharp
Like the hooks that is holding her like a marionette

She pushed and pushed at the pain
Wanting to stop to stop feeling
Feeling anything, feeling life, feeling existence
Blood is pouring out between her legs

The man smile a beatific smile

He kissed her temple
Licked her earlobe
Croons and croons and croons
Pushing into her more, even when she is pushing out

She is pushing her life out, gasping for death

He is choking her life back into her
"No, dear you will not escape me"
He bites her throat, marking her with vileness
Entitlement and pain and ****

She does not obeyed

She pushed and pushed and pushed
Pain so overwhelming it numbed her
There is life and she wanted it gone gone gone
She screamed silence and break

The baby comes out covered in blood

The man is dead, is alive, is morphing
The man becomes the baby
The baby becomes the man
She vomited everything, her lungs, her heart

Her soul

Laughing hysterically with abandon
She hates everything so she laugh and laugh
Not noticing that the Abyss have heed her call
That she is being embraced by it

The Abyss plunged into her the same way the man does

There is a girl sitting in the corner
Shackled in chains, caged with neurons
And she is drowning and drowning and drowning
No one could save her, not even me

Cause how can you save your own shadow?
For a contest, about inner demons.
Nabs Dec 2015
Someone told me once
that the stars are dead,
And what was left behind
Were the remains of time
and decaying humanity.
I was feeling expharated at humans.
Nabs Dec 2015
By Nabs

The well of words
Deep down in this breathing heart
Are drying and cracking before they reach,
This sinning fingertips.

These words
Taste dry, musty. Parching throats.
Crackled in the air
Louder than thunder and your screams.

As the spinning wheel
Stop.
Stopping forever.
Stop. Pricking blood from your vessel.

Embroideries, tapestries
weaved from the threads of life.
Unbound, unraveled
Marveled in the way they are being broken down.

Set fire to us,
And you'll see.
How prettily we all would burn
Inside this tomb, we called home.
On my writers block and my art block.
Ugh
Nabs Dec 2015
Sometimes I think
I saw him in my dreams
But I cannot seem to recall his face
He's been lost to me, ever since
I can't sleep.
Nabs Dec 2015
By Nabs

They call me a fun sucker
For pointing out that was wrong
For speaking out
About the discriminations that rot humanity

Some asked," why are you like this?"
"Why can't You just lay back and stop being so serious?"
"Why can't You just let it be?"
Or in other words 'why can't i shut up?'

Just because

I'm tired of having to swallow down my words
To be told to swallow down so many times
As if that is what all I'm good at
They don't care if I was choking

Just because

I'm tired of people carelessly making jokes
About issues that shouldn't be made fun off
Shouldn't be made into the **** of a joke
Cause while you're laughing, They're screaming

Just because

People like to slap labels on other people
Cause it's easier to box them down
Into simple brand than as a complex being
Easier to determine which one superior, which one inferior

As if we are products, not human

They called me a rebel
For defying the norm
For not accepting that skins colors and what you have down your pants iare limits
For not conforming to their rules to the playground

Just because they say it's right, doesnt mean its true

They say, ignorance is bliss

But I don't think I can sleep, ignoring the screams just cause it didn't happen to me

Cause how can they blind them self
To the injustice of the world
The way they pile the bodies
And set them aflame

Just because

I will not hide my self, any longer
I will not be ashamed of who I am
And for that I will fight

For that I will not bow down to oppression

I will not bow down to any kind of oppression

You can stick your silly labels to my back
Kick me on the sides, Beats me up
You can try to bring me down

But I will promise you
I will drag you down to hell with me too

Cause this is my home also
None of you, big kids could bully us to go
Cause you think you could burn me down
As if I am a house made of sticks

Didnt you know that to light me up means that you going to burn too?

For I fight for what is right
Even if in this ocean of poison there's barely any lights
Nabs Dec 2015
By Nabs

    When I was little, I dreamed of being a princess.
Just like so many others do.

Imagining all the fun we will have.
Of Tea times and dressing in the finest dresses, wearing tiaras, and jewels,
      all day of the week.
              Princesses only seems to dress prettily in the stories.
                
We all dreamt of the same thing,
        Happy endings that always come at the end, cherished and pampered.

        Most of all loved by everyone.

  Princesses were always loved because she was inherently kind. Inherently docile.
Inherently pure and innocent.
              Inherently beautiful.

( Remember, Your purity is your worth)
                  
                            None of them was because
                                  people respected them.

All of them was because
Of their beauty.

      ( A princess have to pamper their self to utmost perfection, your beauty define your worth)

Princess is a symbol of perfection.
                                      Symbol of Divinity.

A guideline for Goodness and womanhood.
                Standards that shaped and pushed them self to little girls to be molded into a perfect piece of art that they them self would rarely get to enjoy.

( Art pieces, after all cannot admire them self)
    
                We have to strive for divinity and no less, because less means
        we will be condemned to be the wicked ones.

( No one bother to tell us that it is unreachable.)

        No one wanted to be the wicked ones because history burned who ever were branded as wicked.

      ( we stood on a world
piled with their ashes
          and everyone will claim it as a victory)

        One of the lesson, that these tale seems to croons that there is no in between for us.
        That there is only two archetypes for girls to grow up to.
The Princess or the Evil Witch.

Choose, the tale seems to shout.
            ( be obedient, be submissive).
                    (Good girls)
                ( Princess lives happily ever after).

(Fight, rebel, speak)
        (Bad girls)
  ( Evil witch will always be burned)
      
  ( This are the endings we have set for you, girls)

          Back then, after going home from school, I would read tales about princesses from all over the world.  
From Africa
                to Europe
                              to Asia.
      I devoured them like they were gospels, Laughing delightedly when the princes save the day then marries the princess, and frowning when the villain managed to defeat the heroes.
Happy endings,
      Happy endings.
( Death, is the only happy ending we will really get)

    I learned that to have a happy ending, a prince need to save me,
                from my self.

( Every princesses need a prince,
for a proper princess cannot save herself.
                
            You need to be saved to be complete)

      My parents called me their little darling princess, Their crown jewel,
              Their most cherished treasure.
They would hug me, clothed me, spun me into a figurine that they like.
Telling me that I am theirs.
Flesh and blood,
              Glittering orbs of red.
                                          Ownership.
Another princess tales, which plot echoes through out time. Beggars can't be choosers.
                              The same way a princess can't  choose anything for them self.

The tale said,
    A good daughter is an obedient daughter.

Shouting and screaming is prohibited.

( Lower your voice,
        princesses don't raise their voice.

They speak softly as soft as the flutter of butterfly wings

            or preferably they don't speak at all.)

      To be a princess, foremost is to sacrifice your whole being,
      To subdued your self
          To stop being human,
                and start being a treasure, a jewel.
Being fought over for the rights of possession.

( Isn't that the most highest pedestal you can put someone to?)

        As I grew up, these tales keep following me.

( Dont run, princesses never run.
                                    They submit.)
Of Snow white,
      Who was treated as if she was only an object of desire after the prince saw her dead in the glass coffins.
( You're mine, you got that?)

Of the sleeping beauty silence,
            that was taken as a consent to ravished her until she woke up because she gave birth to twins.
( Babe, you like this don't you? You have to, you're made for this)

Of the little mermaid plight,
      Discarding herself completely to be accepted on the lands, trading her voice and being in excruciating pain for her prince.
                        The one who will not love her.
( You look horrible in that, change into something prettier and for god sake, put some make up on)

Of Atalanta, who could not escape marriage
              and forced to marry a man she lost a race  unfairly to, because her father decrees so in the first place.
( My princess, you can't be with that person.  
                    They're not suited for you,
                              We want the best for you.
You don't know what's best for you. )
              
Of Bawang Putih and Bawang Merah,
                Echoing the morals, how your beauty define you, how you will be evil if you are less than beautiful.
( She's ugly, that's why she's jealous of her)

Of Putri Hijau ending,
            That to be free from being under the power of men, you have to jump into the ocean.
(You are mine, forever)

Of the archetypes for Good and Evil,
            ****, *****,
                      *****, Saint,
                              Witch, Princess.
( A good girl says yes, A bad girl say no)

How The Tales, often than not,
                          parallel each others, as if trying to drill them self into our subconsciousness with these toxic message.

( Princesses belongs to the people.
                      She never belongs to herself. )

These unspoken rules followed me into adulthood.

            Subconscious message of how to be  loved you need to be less.
You need to submit,
to be obedient,
docile,
pure,
innocent,
        most of all, you need to be beautiful.

      That beauty is how you're going to get your prince. Never it is because your wit, your courage, your wisdom,
what use do you have for them if you don't have a pretty face.

                No husband will find ever find you.

( Remember, wicked ones doesn't have a prince to set them straight.

                You don't want to be a wicked one,
                                                  Now do you?

So spread your legs, and lay down.
Take it. Atta girl!  )

These unreachable standards, bound us the same way they bound people feet to be dainty.
                They are rules for us to be less human, to be a thing.
      A princess, in this world is another term for a possession.

            (There is no such things as an independent princess, object need owners)

The stories always put them in gilded cages.

Once I asked why?
          Why do they need to be caged?
Why can't they be free?
        
The tales said that beautiful things needed somewhere to be kept.

The tales said many thing,
        seemingly innocent but  screaming about our worth, girls worth in the society.

(You need to be pretty for anyone to love you.)

(You're good if you are obedient.)

(You have no need for your voice,
                Silence is the only voice you need.)

(You're made to just lay down and take it.)

(You need a man to complete you
                                      and set you straight.)

(Never be yourself.)

I grew up wanting to be a princess,
Just like many others do.
        What we realized, to be a princess
                                  We have to be a slave.
                                      We have to be dead.
This was inspired by lots of books and articles I read.
Sorry for the cliche title, and thank you for reading the long poem.
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