I lived in my sanctuary,
handmade, using materials with lifetime warranties
intricately and precisely I carved the pieces of my soul into softwood, sealing in all the cracks so nothing else could get in
I put up mosaic windows using all the coloured pieces I had, letting the light shine through and illuminate only the parts that I wanted to see
you can make anything seem more beautiful than it is
when you need to
but the walls that sheltered me from past storms weren't meant to last forever,
even though it took all my strength to put them up
And it took just as long to break down the sanctuaries I built up in my head, as it did to build them

I took the matches that I found
and I burned everything down,
it burned so hot that I could not see
all the damage around
all the places, all the faces, all the used to be's
all in ruins on the ground,
but I was blind, I could not see.
And in the darkness I could not find
a single thing that could make some light
it lasted so long I forgot how to breathe
then all the air inside of me
turned me to stone.
But I will not ask you where to go,
I will just ask one thing;
when you are there but I cannot see,
and if I am not who I used to be,
if all that we found seems out of reach,
please, will you wait for me?

Balloons and glitter in the air
sparkly dresses and countdowns
I don't know how I survived
I said after all these years
you would think the cold air would feel less harsh on my skin
but this time it lingers
letting itself in
and I'm so scared of what's to come
I guess all I can do is try and stay warm regardless of the red of my cheeks
and the trembling of my hands
and five years
goes by so fast
and so, so slowly
when you're waiting for your chest to unthaw
waiting for the summer to come
and the year to be new

It's hard to be thankful for the past year,
when its been spent breathing in stale air and looking through broken glasses. Sometimes it seems easier to leave the wound open and unattended, knowing that even after it's healed it will scar.

But there is power in becoming brighter than the reality you surround yourself with, knowing that despite the ending there are the moments in between, a colour coated scene that reminds you the cold will come, but it will not last forever.

A warm drive home after a cold day,
cozy hands and falling leaves,
an in between moment,
brighter than the darkness could of ever planned for,
we are eating dessert in the tv light,
and I am thankful for you.