Since I can't have you
I'll write essays
On Richard Gansey
The III

I haven't known you long enough
To be in this much hurt
And yet
You've gripped my heart
You won't let go
Even when you say
"I'm empty"
You say
"I have nothing"
You say
Except for your fingers drip
With my blood
My tears
Did you take those
Or did I hand them over?

I'm embarrassed that
All my poems are
About how I struggle
Over you
Over the past
Over you

How dare you?

You're the first person I've met
Who doesn't move their arm at night
You pulled me in and closed your eyes
Straight away fell asleep
There are no terrors in your nights
As certain as night brings slumber
The sun will rise again for you

If I could  have a thread of that security
It would be warmer than any blanket
I've wrapped my lonely self in

i wrote you a letter
and now i stare at
it, terrified to let
it go, untrusting
of the mailman of,
the planes, of the
weather, of releasing
control

i have all these
chains. i wish you
could see me slowly
sawing away. one
day, love, i'll stand
on my feet

I want to write
About suns and moons
Stars
Being strong
Of rising above it all

But

It always comes back
To you
And you
And sometimes you

Rage and grief
Confusion
Neuroticism
Jealousy

So

I'll start there