I might get a bit drunker when I am around you.
drinking away the shame and nerves is what I am made of these days.
more ***** than water in my blood.

I woke up this morning looking at the sun, being greatfull for living.
sometimes Im thinking about never going home again, but I aint leaving you.
my ego always was bigger than my heart. but that didnt stop me from loving you.

putting your favorite song on repeat is like drowing in your favorite drink.
after a while the taste is gone and it makes you want to jump of a bridge.
doing things you would have never done in real life, but it made you feel alive.

its really not that bad keeping your life a secret.

Tonight I had trouble sleeping,

because my heart was a weeping.

so I decided to take a moonlit walk,

to ponder on my thoughts.

It was like the trees were moving me along,

before I knew it the path was gone.

The cold wind made me shiver,

in the distance I could hear the trickling of a river.

Rustling noises echoed around me,

but I wasn't afraid, what was to become of me.

My heart has been broken,

words left unspoken.

So if tonight I was to die,

I wouldn't cry.

I came to rest in a small clearing,

suddenly mounds with crosses on started appearing.

I was drawn to this one cross,

it was different, new not covered in moss.

Like magic I was there reading the name,

it was mine, I must be going insane.

Violently I was swung around,

I screamed at what I found.

Hanging from a single tree,

my lifeless body was all I could see.

Then a voice spoke though the wind,

this is the message it did bring.

Is this how you want to be found?

hanging from a tree, then buried in the ground.

All these graves belong to people like you,

left broken not knowing what to do.

But there is one difference, you are strong,

this isn't where you belong.

They didn't have your choices,

their lovers cut their voices.

You need to go home and see,

how much you are loved, just trust in me.

Then NEVER return to this place,

or else next time a different fate you will face.

I love it when you smile, I love it when you don't
I like the way you look at me even if you won't

the sky was turning another shade of blue that night
the kind of color that would remind me of your eyes

for me it was a big deal that you left me without telling
for you it was natural like drinking coffee in the morning
or rain that fell down once in a while on the new car you bought

I just wished you missed me like I miss you
he stole her heart with she couldn't get to his.

I crave a love so deep the ocean would be jealous.
I loved the stars so fondly even the moon looked back at me.
The truth is I dont need someone in my life to tell me that I am special, god told me I am.
He wants me to give love and all I get back for that is tears on my face and scars on my body.

Its not complicated to be the girl nobody truely cared about.
You may be miles away but my demons aren't.
They would never mistreat me and mistake my tears for a smile.
The prove of being ugly isnt a sign of the stars, it comes from the heart.

I have cried a lot of tears knowing nobody would cry for me.
So maybe this time it is good to be alone in the dark.
Try to pull yourself out this time and make a promise not to tell a single soul
about our little secret. Not that someone would really care.
They see your outside not knowing what is going on, on the inside.
I can't drown my demons they know how to swim. They will catch me sleeping.

I was the girl who never was afraid of anything in the world. They called me fearless.
I always was a good actress, being the lovely and popular girl never was a hard role.
Being a dissapointment is another thing. My life is fail wasted with a bottle of *****.
My life isn't going up because my thoughts are falling down and wanting to be dead,
never was this of big deal this year. I am scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all. I never was good with my emotions anyway.

The blades make me feel comfortable and the cuts make me feel like an outcast.
I always knew I was different from my friends, they never called me this but deep down
inside I knew I was the ******, the outsider and nobody really did like me.

When people want something from you they will do anything to get that thing.
Even if it is just to get their needs, yes I am talking about man.
Being a doll in one of this stupid games always was my biggest struggle.
I am a believer in love, knowing I will never get it. because nobody really cares.

The blood makes me feel alive. It reminds me that I am not dying. not yet.

I always wonderd what heaven looks like, even though I am going to hell.
Being a good person is the hardest thing I am dealing with in my life.
May god forgive me for the things I have done and for the things I am going to do.

My head is going to explode soon.
Tell Satan I said hello.

the road back
to everything I have ever left behind

something that would keep me save from myself.
a person that would love me for all I ever was.
the girl with the bright smile was allready dead before you met her.

a bottle of ***** was what tasted like love.
feeling nothing was what made her feel alive.

thoughts are dark just like the crings underneath my eyes.
an another beautiful young soul is turning into dust tonight.