I keep wondering what gave me these feelings

Is it the fact that you’re so forbidden?
That all these emotions need to stay hidden

I want access to all the secrets in your heart
I crave to know your past and everything what tears you apart

I think with my heart and not with my head,
I’m falling apart I’m missing your breath

First, I thought it was the numbness from drinking too much
But after came a terribly urge to be close to you, to touch

And maybe I’m sick and tired of how you make everything feel right
And maybe I just couldn’t help myself when you looked at me,
that way, that night

Cause even in a crowded room all I can do is stare at you
And it makes me feel stupid, you don’t have a clue

It was summer when you walked into the garden that day
And every part of my body wished you weren’t gay

Yesterday I fell in love with everything you are
The way you kiss me and your cute little face

I always wondered how it would be to be with you
But I never dreamed it could be anything like this

I love the way you look at me, like I'm the only thing that matters
I love the way how shameless your love is for me

You make me feel young and reckless and alive
You make me feel like I can never be too much

The world is a happier place because of you
My heart is happier because of you

And I don't think I can ever get enough of you
In every way possible you make me feel so at home

I can tell you everything, my fears, my secrets, my life
I've never had something this naked and honest

Yesterday you told me about these little butterflies
And maybe I fell in love with you too or maybe I already was

I sleep with a bible in my bed
So I can talk with god about everything I regret

She made me realise there was never too much of me
Maybe there was just too little of you and we couldn’t compare

I sleep with a bible in my bed
Just to keep your demons out

Because you filled my mind with dark thoughts
that sometimes made me think, wanting to die was okay

I like to miss you on Sunday nights
Because on Sunday nights everything feels less like a problem

On Sunday night I can picture us together walking on the beach
Being way too drunk, talking about everything important in life
You would make me laugh and I would kiss you on your cheeks

All these voices and then there was you
A beautiful silence in my world of chaos

Your crazy mind would make mine feel just like home
Maybe you always were like that but I just never noticed

I don’t think I can ever regret you,
You make me smile like no other,

I like to miss you everyday

I was *****
and you were not

nobody noticed
cause I smiled a lot

now the pain is killing me
my heart is falling apart

I could never trust or love again
how funny is that

Im so ashamed
and you are not

remember you called me worthless **** a lot

every time you called me that, it made me want to die
cause every part of you loving me felt like a ******* lie

thank you for ****** me.

It was you,
it was me,
it was the silence
underneath the stars
that understood
my heartbeat
and it's racing.
You told me nothing.
I believed everything.
In that moment
I found life.
In that moment
I found you.

Summer always was my trigger season
the time were always everything would change

my heart got broken more than once this year
every time you made me feel worthless another piece broke

this cruel summer
I have cried over everything that ever happened to us
I have died about everything that ever happend to me

I have learned how much my own happiness means to me
and that the happiness I always saw in us was dead

loving you was like selfharm,
I know how bad it was and still I could never leave

I needed you to leave first so I could see how much it changed me
the secret sharing stopped, you weren't my favourite person anymore

I wasn't my favourite person anymore

this summer everything changed
I've learned my first crush will be nothing than just a teenage crush
and that it's okay to cry over someone who isn't good for you

this summer I learned it's okay to feel totally ****** up
and that feeling like you are 16 again is totally fine

there is this new someone with beautiful rare eyes and an insanely beautiful smile who I can share my secrets with and be myself with

it's crazy how I can feel more loved and more special with you

you learned me
I am not too much and I deserve to be loved for everything that is me

Once in a while I let everything in
The pain from today, the hurt from yesterday
The pain from five years ago, the hurt from tomorrow

Life is hard when everything around you seems to be falling apart.

I want my daddy to stop dying
and I need my brother to start trying

I want my mother to be less depressed
and I need my brother to get dressed

I want to learn how to deal with my emotions
and I need you to stop me from getting the help I need

because while you were laughing, I was crying
and while you were making fun of me, I was dying

harming myself is the only way to escape this terrible reality.