I've held the blade in my hand
I have not cut myself.
I don't know how you care so much.
I love me.
I may hate myself
And view all of this as my fault
But I know
Deep down
I love me.

Thank you, darling.
Im sorry im sad.
May my heart be healed.
Dont let this change
How i am your friend,
I know it hasnt changed
For me.

I hope, even though he said no,
That you are made happy.
Dont let anyone hurt you
Dont sacrifice yourself
Dont be like me
And wait for nothing

It isnt just you
I've lost my brother
My family
Ignores my cries.

My friends abandoned
Me to go be happy
But you have stayed
By my side.

I will not cut
Even if i want to
Even if I wish
I had died

Those months ago,
Just a year and half month
I almost
Took my life.

Please dont worry
I cannot leave you,
My soul would never
Forgive itself.

But those long cuts
They had a meaning
My sorrow
Has culminated in pain.

Do not blame yourself
For my poor judgement.
You dont blame me
For you leaving.

So please dont blame yourself
For all my sorrow
In the end
Youre still my light.

I remember
A time, forgotten,
Where i spent
Five years on her.

How could I have not
Seen the issue,
How did she
Captivate me so.

Learned my lesson
I have not, so,
She's my friend now
And she loves me so.

I remember
Talking daily
For years and years
I cried and cried.

I am drawn to love
Dynamic heart beats,
Of being torn
By those i love.

But, from that torture,
I learned a lesson.
If I persist,
I can make it gold.

Just like Janet,
Who's heart i broke,
She still my best friend,
And so shall you be.

I will remember
My dear, oh medicine.
Ananke, bless me so.
Inevitability,
Compulsive necessity,
May I remember
Her embrace.

Milk and honey,
Are the answers
I try to
Give myself.

May i *******
Bitter sweetness
My medicine
Is too far gone.

I know my poems
Will descend further
Into the dark
Recesses of my mind.

I will stay
The blade from striking.
May this match
Never come to light.

Do i have power?
Don't read this poem.
My lovely dove
My saving grace.

I don't want you
To know my sorrow.
I want to see
Your smile grace your face.

I want to watch your
Cheeks get reddened
Just like they did
Not long ago.

I want your embrace
I need your medicine
Oh Ambrosia,
Stay my hand.

I am not worthy
Of your love to me.
I am not worth
All your time.

I am nothing,
I feel so empty,
No one deserves
My sorrow.

Soft and tender
Is the Autumn.
Holy fire
Fills her skies.

The sheer power
of my old lover
Is apparent
In her waves.

You are still my joy
Until the end comes.
I say those two words
Because they're right.

Never forget me
I won't forget tou
Even if you've got to go
For a while.

I will be here
While Autumn's coming
And I shall
Be here for you.

I'll never leave you,
My Autumn Darling,
Even if your leaves
Weren't evergreen.

Summer leaves
Falls arriving.
I knew that my
Thoughts were right.

I still love her
But she cares for another
And I couldn't imagine
The fading cries.

I was a lone
But now I'm troubled.
I wish that I had
Made her smile.

My kiss, electric,
To her, it's nothing.
I am truly glad
I found this out.

I wish for nothing
Besides the better.
I want to sing
My heart's true song.

Who were you with
When you kissed my lips
So unhappily nights ago?

When I stop thinking
I am drawn to a sadness
Unknown to me.
Unbeknownst to me
Is the woe
That plagues my soul
To infinity.

I've not lost yet,
Her, the game of Life, none of it.
I may have lost my friend,
And I may be changing,
But i know I'll be proud and
Happier to be me.

I know she will be too

Oh, Ambrosia!
Feed my soul,
And fill my being with song!

Olympian gods
Could feast on your love
Until the dawn of the new age.

Oh, Ambrosia!
My most favored drought
Please, quench my thirst, oh great one!

You, most admirable of beings!
You, giver of eternal fire!
You, oh might lover of gods!

My name is Tommy
I go by Bede
Because I'm afraid to be me.

I'm obsessed with names
Because I'm ashamed
Of what I can turn mine into.

No longer!
I am Tommy
And I will be proud.

Free verse is an addiction
A fully encapsulating feeling
Of emotional disarray
Being confined to set ways.

Why do I feel the
Urge to write?
In uneven lines,
In unrhyming ways?

It's pure, it's harsh,
It's memories incarnate.
Spontaneous streams,
Creeks of consciousness.

I may still be sad
But I also am graced
With the moments of clarity
And feelings of love and bliss.

The wonderful wind,
So soft on the skin,
Wraps my body like a
Person I know.

The Sun so bright,
The leaves, cascading.
The beauty of the fall
Is a wonderful thing.

You'll never feel
Like a disappointment
To me.

I am not crazy
To hold onto
The only friend
To show me their worth
And keep it.

I will stand by my convictions
I will not be sad over choosing my friends
I cannot help everyone,
And some people don't deserve to be helped.

The **** should've been the reason
But I could look past
The rock and Crystal,
But not for any longer.

I do NOT become friends with adulterers.
I am no friend of a cheater.
Your girl better be proud
Of the ******* you've become.

'i didn't want to talk to her'
You didn't end the call when
I spoke my heart out,
But when I told you
I can't be there
Because you still do ****

Then you left the call.

Thank you for telling me
The truth of what he did.
His friendship meant little to me
When he hit a **** pipe when I saw him.

If all they want to do is smoke,
Then I am wary of them.
I'm overcoming my addiction
That's why I'm now wary
Of those who are false
Behind simulacrum screens.

No cigarettes today
No cutting
No punching
Try to not cry.

No excuses
No hiding
If I am weak,
Go to her.

She won't be mad
I will be okay
And i will have bliss
To fight today

Dont mind me
When I make a promise
In your name.

I'd use God's
But I know, with yours,
I can stand by it easier

I'm going to try
And not focus on
Religion as much today.

I fell asleep
Before I could
Read the night away.

The promise i made
I will keep today
I will keep in every way.

I won't let my dreams,
Remaining dreams,
Be stamped out,
But I won't let them rule over me.

But my dreams keep me
Holding on
To the life that
Others find so dear.

Who do I have?
What do I have?
Am I truly alone?

When my friends dwindle
And I've got no one,
You're still there.

Even when everyone
Around me
Can betray me.

You're still there.

So am I ever truly alone?
No, never, you won't let me.
For this, I appreciate you most.

I miss church
But I woke up too late
And I dont know
If I can make it.

My heart hurts still
I don't know where to go
And I'm scared of the consequences.

I want peace
That truest peace
The bliss of the ages.

Will i make it to church?
I would druther see the color
In my best friend's hair

I understand what you mean
By not wanting me
To focus on you.

My first thoughts
When I rise
Are still centered on you.

I feel like I can breathe
Like my lungs are full of freedom.
My heart, still heavy, is lighter
And my mind is much less dark.

I am still not okay,
But i know that won't last.
I will look towards the best parts of life
And hold onto them.

The forests, the trees, the mountains and foggy mornings
The fresh air, ths dew drops, the evening most
Of rainy days.

The love of friend, memories and potential, all equally dear.

I may be extreme at times
But I will mellow.
I hope you heal
Just as I hope to too.

What is love?
Is it purely romantic?
No, nay, nary,
Then why do only lovers say it often?

My hope will remain
But you know that story
And I will love every minure
Of our tale.

May tonight mark a new beginning
The marks i left on my skin
Are no more to me
Than obstacles.

You, oh sovereign, reign with me over the world.
I meant every word I said tonight,
May my love forever ve heard.

My dearest friend, oh sweet lovely dear
Romance may not be our goal,
But the road of the everlasting
Is paved with the  stones of friendship!

Lord burn my skin
Enliven my flesh
In a way, only You can.
Transform me,
May the harm be cleansed
Like holy fire,
Transfiguring sinner
To saint.

Those hidden things
Those secret things,
bestowed to me
In times of stress.

I will be here to help you
Just as you helped me today
You may not know it
But you saved me today.

Thank you

The world is green,
But slowly dying,
And i have got to go.

Show my loved ones
Where I'm falling
To the land of cold, white snow.

I am free to
Spare my falling.
I can save, save my soul.

From all this worry
And expectations
Of how I'm supposed to go

Perspective changes
Questions asked
Glad I chose
To not believe my mind.

Thank you.

I ache, my muscles
And skin torn and worn.
My night and morning
All spent towards betterment
Of the self
Even if I learned
Through harm

I lay to rest
And think about
The morning that I've had.

I can't believe
I could receive
The blessing that I have.

I have some healing to do
But that is same for all
Never forget, I'm here for you, dear
No matter if you fall.

I regret thinking
Like I wrote
The ignorant bliss
Knows not the inquisitive mind

But trust knows not the mind, as well
Worried for the worst, is still assuming.
My apologies, my most dearest joy.

I have faith that you were lovely
And didn't stray, or fall
For the man with green blue eyes

Let Bede die today
Let me awake without breath
Please don't worry
I will be okay
You know who you are