You were telling me you missed me
I felt your hand slide
onto my back and
your lips against mine.
I felt
true love for you
and your smiles
were genuine
and you cried
when I had to leave.
You would hold me for minutes
when I said I will miss you
and I smiled
from the warmth.

Now

I'm lying in bed
you're in college
and your love for me
gets no reciprocation
I get your feelings
for someone else
and you think
I used you.
You held on
and I tried to
but now
those three words
aren't uttered to each other
and I miss you.

Today I smiled
seeing you next
to me when I woke.
You smiled at me,
but lately
they feel
ingenuine.
(Don't you like me?)

Now I smile
because you want
me to meet your
family.
You joke,
but is it
truth?
( I want to)

I'm smiling
I got to kiss
you in public
and hold hands.
Now you're joking
about your roommate
crying and his
emotions.
Do you not want
yours seen?
(I do though)

Talking to you
today
was wonderful
I haven't had so much fun
in a while.
I smiled
and
felt free.
We even have twitches
in common!

Now I'm home
wishing that
you would
leave him
for me
and
I
know
that it won't happen
at all
and that is what
scares me to death.

Since you left
being happy feels
so weird
like coming down.

You answered my text today
for the first time in a week
now I'm smiling,
but I know it won't last long.

I'm shaking
anxiety through the roof
everything is spinning.
Suddenly I can feel it
how I used to feel
around you
and now tears streak my face
like wiping off water paint on a towel.

My skin is crawling
every time I hear it
the text tone,
for just a moment.
It all stops,
and it feels safe again.

"Jesus Christ that's a pretty face"
I hear varied version of this
and it's nice,
but it seems
no one wants
the inside
just the flesh.

It sounds stupid
since most people
want that problem,
but it isn't fun.
Worrying about
whether people
are your friend for you
or for your body.