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They part to speak something I cannot hear.
As wandering minds find other senses I,
Notice the smell of cigarettes and try
To restrain thoughts of how you'd taste- like beer?
A pause of expectation sends a shock,
A smile will do, then go on to peruse,
That taunting bottom lip, I'd love to use,
As warmth for mine and what that might unlock.

Quickly compose my mind and converse back.
That drunken night falling for you, I thought,
That senses just don't matter now, they're blank.
Just me and you and feelings I once fought.
Two pairs of lips then touch, and I can't track,
Where one pair ends and where the other starts.
Amanda O'Brien Nov 2015
People write from the heart
They pour their souls onto these pages
You can watch as their life falls apart in various stages

But what if you write not from your heart today
But how it felt on a completely different day

Its easier to write about pain and hurt
Than how you went out and just bought a brand new T-Shirt

But you are a fraud when you write about pain and depression
Its all after the fact you should write about a small confession

But isn't it liberating
To write after the fact
When the dust has settles you can write in the abstract
Amanda O'Brien Nov 2015
Sometimes I ask myself why. Why am I here when all I want to do is slice my ******* wrists open and watch the blood poor out. I want to show the people who hurt me how much they did. But. I simply can't. I cant bring myself to hurt them as they have hurt me. I can't slice my wrist. No matter how much I want to. I feel so guilty. I want to but I can't. It's an endless cycle and their is nothing I can do about it.
Amanda O'Brien Nov 2015
I start this off without any words
But they will come
This is a blessing and a curse
These words and memories I wish to forget are my salvation and damnation all in one
Inside I am screaming
No one knows
No one cares
What can I do ?
I'm tired of being mad
I'm tired of being sad
All I want to do is to say what's on my mind
I just want to scream i'm afraid if I start I will never stop
Maybe that's not a bad thing
I'm trying to explain
It really hurts my brain
Who will care? I am afraid, I am so frightened of who I am I can't speak
I am usurped by panic at the thought of another day on this drudgery that is my own existence
There are no other options …
I am described as a disaster
Because my heart has been fixed with plaster
I may not have forgiven myself for the shame
But I can't wallow in my sorrow
Because I have to make something of tomorrow
Repedily  I  regurgitate the same old sentiment of positivity and hopeless hopefulness
That I have grown so accustomed to.
“ Tomorrow is a new and better day”
“ It has to stop raining sometime”  ~ Has anyone heard “ Our thoughts determine our reality”?
So if tomorrow is another day how should I face it should it become another today ?
So why do I continue to say these things ?
For the benefits of myself ?  
Or for those who are listening.

Written by:
Amanda O’Brien
  Dec 2014 Amanda O'Brien
Ky Blackstar
He told me he would go through hell for me if it meant I got better and the tears streamed down my face and the butterflies erupted in my stomach because he was the first to be willing to go through hell for me, not put me through it
It's not you
    I promise
What I say is true
      He never deserved

     It's not your fault
           I know for a fact
      Trust me
             You are better
          Than a boy like that

It's for the best
    Believe me
          He'll do it to the next girl
       And the next
            And next
      You'll find your one
          In this world

        It's time to breathe
             Have faith in what
          I'm saying to you
      This might just be
          But I was cheated on too

It's time to believe
      You're worth more than
   You can see
           No more tears, please
      He's not worth your pain
             You're gorgeous
       And you're NOT to blame

     It's for the best,
              It's not you
    Just Breathe.
          Believe me,
  Cause I've made it through.
         I know,
      What I say is true.
         **I was cheated on too.
I'm here for you.
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