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it’s a long walk back
I said
we walked here earlier
you said
I know but
the  grass looked greener
then
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2023
"A setback" is understating

World completely fallen to pieces
It has disintegrated entirely

Opportunity to make new one

Spectacular comeback?
OR
Extraordinary letdown?
I can look at it either way
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2023
I need to stop hurting every day
Feel like I've lost who I am
How can I insist I'm okay?
Too long spent living a sham

You're not there each second with me
Fall apart when you're not around
How I act like I'm happy
In your absence break down

I cannot smell your scent when you're gone
Touch
Hear your voice
Have to stand up and be strong
That's my only choice
We’re playing the long game.
We share things, we’re lovers,
we slip in and out of each other’s lives
like jackets hanging on the back of a door.

Relationships are like instruments,
they must be played, kept in tune,
the carnal and the corny balanced,
carefully, like sections of an orchestra.

Sometimes, I feel that I have to bring the energy,
BE the entertainment - and I can do that - in spades
but not forever - I’m not a tireless-giver - in fact,
I'm atavistically Parisien (we admit loving nothing).

I’m learning that when a relationship’s conducted,
at great remove, the basics - like punctuality,
dependability and preparation - become a big deal.

When I’m in an optimistic headspace, I think we can do it,
maybe, that we know what we want and who we are.

That we’re playing the long game
My BF started a job in Genieva, Switzerland - it’s an ouch.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2023
The most beautiful lie I ever heard in my entire life

Can I keep hearing again and again?

Inside mind
Waiting in the very back
Teasing all day

Forgot place it originated from
Patiently rested there so long

Where am I with no trace of these words?

Now I am forcefully facing the truth

Calling friend in my time of need

Just crying out to deaf ears

No one listens

They take advantage of what I am missing

Pretty flowers have wilted and died

Butterflies in tummy flew off

Ripping the band-aid off as fast as I could

You strode into life without my permission

So I wonder why it hurts this much to watch you walk out of it

I've never felt whole as I did the moment you murmured those three perfect words

So scary thinking back how many emotions I experienced
You shared none of them

Me
And myself alone felt gravity pulling towards you faster than a magnet springs toward metal

Keeping tears as trophies to put up for show in your mental display case

Waiting for me to topple so you could catch me in your net
A specimen shown off
To use

Everything ruined with the shattering realization that when you said
"I love you"
Were merely lying

It all was a lie
Spilled water on paper so deciphering my smudged handwriting felt like putting together clues to a mystery
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2023
Okay will someone please enlighten me on why I'm so ****** up?

Let's go over it from the beginning

Because I am baffled..
Barely a poem haha
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