Alaina Moore

Alaina Moore Jun 2018

I had a dream about you last night.
You were laying in my childhood backyard.
I tried to pick you up,
but you were broken.
My mind refusing this reality
made you wake up.
You couldn't walk straight,
but you were your lively self.
Suddenly we were inside,
in my current home.
You jumped onto the couch;
Made silly noises like you always did.
But they were haunting.
My mind made you live as you are
body still broken.
Because you're in the ground,
and I'm roaming the earth looking for you.
Only to see you in my dreams.
At least I got to hold you
One last time.

#death #pets #grief #healing

Alaina Moore Jun 2018

Nymeria

I need to stand up,
but I am to heavy;
apathetic; hollow.
I wasn't expecting this,
I'm so sorry.
I failed you.
I can't distract myself from reality.
This is all my fault.
I should have treated you better,
I was just so tired; overworked; overburdened.
I brought you into my hurricane
only to be buried a child.
I'm so sorry I couldn't teach you,
to find a way to make you listen;
make you look up.
I loved you to death,
I'm sorry I was to jaded to give you what you needed.
I miss you so much,
I didn't expect this to be so heavy.
I keep seeing your joyous face,
and then the hole in the ground.
Child, I am so sorry.
You deserved better,
you deserved a long life,
you deserved open air.
I did the best I could,
but I can't make you look up,
I can't make their car stop,
I can't wake you up.
I failed you young one.
I'm so sorry.

My dog god hit by a car on 6/7/2018.

She was a beautiful soul.

Work in progress.

#loss #death #pets #grief

Alaina Moore May 2018

Slay the LyingCunt

You do not
****** me,
high as hell,
give me a bunk apology,
and six months later
turn around and change the facts.
Cause they're ******* facts!
I was there,
with your unwelcomed touch.
He walked in to my rescue,
while you dry ******
fantasies
on my couch. (burn it)

You
are
dead
to
me.

/ignore

For the record, I don't own that couch anymore.

Byyeeeeeee

#blocked #done #**** #molestation #unwelcomedactions #lair #lyingcunt #neveragain #healing

May 2018

Amanda Kay Burke

Finally I Found A Flaw

I do not love all the words you say
I have finally found one flaw in you
I hope you understand my critique
I stumble on repetitive insults you spew

That's all you do wrong
There is just no other fault
I let you shout, release your anger
I despise each verbal assault

Used to hold thoughts inside
Opinions I was too scared to express
Been putting expectation on my shoulders
Change my life or cave under overwhelming stress

Speeding from surprise struggles
You attempt to control your violent rage
I want badly to erase heavy words
Eternally printed on life's page

"I hate you so much right now." You glared
Hearing that directed at me hurt like hell
There are many sentences you could have used
That is the one you chose to yell

My ears weathered sharp remarks
Shrapnel searing through my drums
With every passing second you seem uglier
I am riddles with holes and an ache that never numbs

I am so worried there is truth in your shouting
I don't know how much honesty is hidden in your anger
You are not the easiest book to read
Sometimes I feel as if I'm talking to a stranger

I am beginning to believe you do detest me now
Difficult as it is for me to admit
I know you love me, but I fear not enough
The hatred is growing, I don't know how to stop it.

When things are good they are amazing but ehen they are bad they are awful. I have never said I hate you to you, at least not yet. You have no idea how it feels.

#relationship #fight #arguement #flaw #stop #hatred #growing #love #difficult

Alaina Moore May 2018

Persists

Hello there.
General Depression.

Corny Star Wars reference aside,
welcome back.
Gotta say,
didn't really want cha back,
but here you are... Bags and all.
Jeeze, what year are those bags from anyway?
I feel like you should have let those go, awhile ago.
Okay, so you're not going away.
At least not anytime soon.
It's just, when you're here
it's hard to find topics of conversation.
The silence isn't comforting,
but it persists.
I feel like conversations flowed like rivers until you became the dam that stoped the flow.
Now the once prospering ecosystem, is sick and unbalanced.
That ecosystem I call my mind is crying out to the operators to open the gates; let the river flow.
But I sit on shores with waves in the sand that say 'movement once happened here.'
I feel the dust bowl coming
all the signs are here, I've seen this all before.
I have to plant trees now
before everything blows away.

Work in progress? (Always)

#2018 #slam #depression

May 2018

arham

I Am An Unfolding Disaster

When I was fifteen years old I came home from school one day and wrote a poem instead of cutting myself.
The next day I didn't write a poem.
Eighteen only wrote poetry in red.
Nineteen crawled under their desk with the lights turned off.
Twenty had panic attacks.
But thirteen still loved the world.
And ten only cared about going out to play.
And nine never thought growing up to be a gender would hurt so much.
But twenty-one can't breathe in this skin anymore.
And twenty-one doesn't want a twenty-two anymore.
And nineteen tried to pretend these feelings weren't real.
And fifteen tried to eradicate all the feelings altogether.
And seventeen just cried a lot.

My years have come together to unfold me into a disaster.
I am broken even in my most whole parts.
I am empty even on my most alive days.
If you send out a SOS into my chest the sound will ring off into its empty chambers and only answer itself.

This is inspired by a slam poem I heard a while back. Please remind me what it's called if you know it.

#depression #gender #self-harm #cold #years #queer #lgbt #slampoetry #fluid #genderqueer