Arguing with tick-tock talking second hands,
In a language no one speaks or understands,
Losing hold of all the things I’ve never been,
As my whole life spins from the head of a pin,
It’s a piece to a puzzle of a subtle little stain,
The last gasping breath of a bubble in my brain,
We become love letters that nobody ever sends,
Or monsters in the closets of imaginary friends,
Still you sang forgiveness in that lonely lullaby,
Hidden under covers where nobody sees you cry,
Your cozy little rabbit hole, safety in the shade,
A quilted sanctuary, buried in the bed we made.

The beginning of inevitability, the aftermath of art,
Safe behind the iron walls that tore our house apart,
An apathetic shaking of the hand that you were dealt,
As my memory reminds me of a voice that I once felt,
Sand runs from the hourglass, heading for the coasts,
For empty-bottle sunsets and the holiest of ghosts,
Perfecting imperfection, maybe I never got it right,
I want to make a difference, but I’ll settle for a fight,
Traveling down the rabbit hole, marching single-file,
We were lost more than found in the fever of denial,
Makeshift medication makes it hurt less as it ends,
But shatters the illusion when nobody else pretends,
As I sit where you stood and hold on to what you lost,
Everything we earned becomes the never-ending cost.

I’d been on the road for thirty days, with no port in that storm,
Until you offered me an anchor and a smile to keep me warm,
You were all elbows and angles, pale and graceful as a foal,
With a voice like hummingbird wings, but a prizefighter for a soul,
I said, “Stay out of my dreams hero, there’s no tomorrow for you here,
Where sunny days feel like nothing more than darkness painted clear.”
I was a disheveled mess of jangles nerves and caffeine-colored eyes,
“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” she told me. “Everybody dies.”
Maybe you should have left me broken, adrift 1,000 miles off shore,
All that time you wasted on me could have saved so many more,
Still you took me by the hand and led me through the midnight rain,
Determined to remind me that life was always worth the pain,
You asked me who it was I meant to be, beneath the fog and rust,
And we walked along that old road until it crumbled into dust,
We were greeted by a gnarled tree that grew lonely on a hill,
With a heart carved in its trunk by lovers once and maybe still,
You said, “This is where the road ends, and disappears into the sea.
There is no answer in this darkness. There’s only you and me.”
When I drove you home that night, you softly kissed me in my car,
Before you walked away you laughed and said, “I see you, there you are.”
As days turned into weeks, we found each other bit by bit,
Sharing our secrets in a way that only silence can permit,
Tracing each line with a finger, you asked me if my scars had alibis,
We spent a sunny day in the park where we named all the butterflies,
And I wanted so badly to be happy, still it felt so out of reach,
You cooked pancakes for dinner, and I got drunk on the beach,
I found some cautionary caveat in the shy light of that moon,
Maybe you dreamed too easy, or maybe I gave up too soon,
I was a wreck, with self-neglect worn as my hollow crown,
I wanted you to love me, yet was terrified I’d let you down,
And I was all alone when that ringing phone shook me half awake,
Your voice fell into a thousand shards before the news could break,
Speeding towards the hospital, and I ran every single light,
Tears stinging both our eyes, I sat and held your hand all night,
With words like wrecking *****, the doctor tore our world apart,
And those machines lulled us to sleep as they sang your beating heart,
Too soon the light inside your eyes faded into a glossy glare,
As the needles fed you poison, I helped you shave off all your hair,
With no appetite for food, we watched our bodies slowly erode,
You told me I should walk away; I had no duty to share your load,
But I could never let you stand alone against catastrophe,
I just took you by the hand and said, “There’s only you and me.”
And as I talked in future tenses to carve out those pretty lies,
I just couldn’t see the forest past the trees around your eyes,
At night I paced the rooftop as stars taught me how to pray,
Maybe I needed to know hope mattered. I just needed you to stay.
But I never felt more helpless, or thought that you looked more like me,
Then when you took me by the hand and said, “Let me die with dignity.”
And I could only sit and watch that second hand waving goodbye,
As every single world I meant to say to you just came out as a sigh,
My heart was torn in half on the day God granted you reprieve,
Losing you was like losing the wind, like forgetting how to breathe,
And they tell me grieving is believing that the end is where we stop,
But maybe it’s one last lingering view taken from the mountain top,
As colors fade and seasons pass, I still remember you in every star,
And smile into the cold night air to say, “I see you, there you are.”

As the cold breath of winter screamed,
We fell apart to be redeemed,
Then rebuilt silence through subtraction,
With the blinding speed of our inaction,
Still seeking peace in our own skin,
While dying to be young again,
As we tiptoed in our father’s shoes
And gave more than we had to lose,
We fought the fire behind our eyes,
With each incongruent compromise,
In the warmth of illuminated refrain,
And the remnants where we still remain,
Praying empathy breeds chain reactions,
Or that love can multiply these fractions,
But it’s more than we can hope tonight,
At least until summer sings its blinding light.

Death, decay
Turning grey,
Fade away,
Unsaid.

Stay astray,
Betray today,
Fight anyway,
Instead.

In the soft sulfur mines where these days went to waste,
You learned that knowing the recipe could ruin the taste,
And as those pictures of diamonds turn back into coal,
Pain killers comfort the head, but leave damaged the soul,
Your mind wanders through alleys where false lovers roam,
Leaving you with souvenirs and stories, but no place to call home,
You search for life here, between the miles and goodbyes,
While buried deep underneath these cold granite skies,
Where you dream about bright lights and running away,
Only to wake up with nobody listening and nothing to say,
Caving in before your catalytic converter heart starts to stall,
Your only mark on the world, another scratch in the wall.

With the momentum of a setting sun, the subtlety of stars,
We embrace a world that we created, still we cannot make it ours,
You walk your television talk, turn and shoot from your smile,
Ride atop your highest horse, enjoy the view from denial,
When the whole world is medicated, cure becomes the disease,
Either fall in line and be counted, or learn to fight from your knees,
They tore our cities asunder, and from ash built angrier gods,
We compromised for the children, now they consider us frauds,
Losing our souls to the static, drowning in manufactured waves,
Content to be the heroes that no one needs and no one saves,
On a slow search for Heaven, or at least more interesting sins,
But an ending is still an ending, no matter where it begins.