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V Jun 2017
Fat
Fat, fat, fat.
All I see is fat.
I am the "chunkiest", the "chubbiest", the "roundest" and the "ugly pig".
I might as well be a rat, the biggest of the big.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "just right", "average", "normal" or "perfect size."
They lie every single time, and hell, just 'like that'.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "too skinny!", "I wish I looked like you", "wow! Size zero jeans?!" and "underweight".
Yet, I refuse to touch this cold, stocked plate.

Fat, fat, fat,
All I see is fat.
I am "awful", "dying", Miss "eat something" and "throne of bones".
Yet, this body will never be my souls rightful home.

Fat, fat, fat.
All I ever will be is fat.
Even in a long gown and stuck to the end of an I.V pole,
With doctors and psychatrists and loved ones crying and begging me to just "recover, please come home!"

I am still fat.


The hospital bed is empty,
My bed is left untouched,
There is a silence as the wearers in black all sob and stare silently at the body in the ground.
Devasted and hushed...

I see them, but can no longer speak.
No longer able to feel, no longer live,
Forced to watch time pass and hearts mourn...
Their days now heartbroken and bleak.

My  best friend doesn't speak, she now sits alone,
My mother sobs every night, family reminded
so often of my presence,
The one who secrelty loved me has loved no more,
Even my pets still wait outside my door.

Those who knew me, only can remember me in the things left behind,
Even the sun itself rarely shines.


Dead, lost, gone.
I am no longer fat,
But I also no longer- belong.
Recovery is worth it. <3
Joshua Adam Jul 2015
Loneliness Is Wishing To Cry

Can we really control our loneliness when it attacks? Of course not. However, we can employ the means by which to channel it into a positive force. A force whereby we recruit others and together battle this power of the dark side attempting to cajole us into this state of melancholy. We have to collectively rise to the occassion, and with the force of Good, vanquish it forever more.

Here is a short poem about what loneliness means to me. It was written at a time in my life when I was trying to deal with the recent death of a close family member. Needless to say, I was most devasted at the time of this writing. This poem at that time, in reflection, acted as a therapeutic means for me to "get it all out".

Loneliness is despair
Loneliness is something to beware
Loneliness is the thought today
of no tomorrow

Loneliness is wishing to cry
without knowing why
Loneliness is a simple feeling
without a simple answer

Loneliness comes
Loneliness goes
Loneliness is that uninvited guest
who visits, always without a request

Loneliness is a sickness
you my friend are the cure
Together we will strengthen
and together we will endure.....
A short and simple poem to which everyone can relate
Sexus Obscura Mar 2019
my body is a tragedy
lined with fragmented artefacts
of a wartorn state
highlighted by shades of red
and lines of grey sadness

there is nothing like the pity
in the eyes of those trusted to provide aid
it sings a woeful song of healing and love
until you are okay to walk again

you become a symbol
of their service to society
and they move on to lands more beautiful
and planes much less devasted

you are left in the shadows
still broken but warmer than before
warmer despite the poison
you have been doused in called care
Danielle Rose Mar 2013
I stood in the aftermath
stunned and on the verge of breaking
mistaken and led astray
displaying dulled shades of grey
with not one to blame
and no grounds to gain
temptations and desire
the devils play
and I watched the cards rain down in flames
so hot to touch so bitter the taste
too devasted to keep a poker face
As the mob watches laughing at my dismay
I cradled a sentiment that lost all value
a picture frame flooded by my immoral statue
but there he stood before my eyes
I scratched out my face and gazed into his eyes
Remembering always falling sweet from his lips
I'll **** myself forever looking back on this
Julia Locy May 2016
Letting go of your daddy’s hand to chase after butterflies is easy.
Letting go of your mommy’s leg to run to the school bus is easy.
Letting go of the monkey bars is easy.
Letting go of a ball after you throw it is easy.
Letting go of the hand of someone you loved so deeply so quickly is devastating.  
Letting go of you was never that easy.


I loved you so quickly and trusted you so blindly. I can’t even fault you or be angry with you leaving. You never asked me to care but I did. It was like one moment you were there and we were happy and smiling…. then next I was sitting in my room. Alone. Confused. Used tissues surrounding me and my eyes clouded with tears. I listened to all the music you sent me and sometimes I can’t even believe that you meant the promises of being a favorite.

Devasted.
Broken.
Embarrassed.
Ashamed of myself for letting someone so close far too quickly. You promised me you were different but it all ended the way I am used too.

I thought I couldn’t do it. I thought I would be stuck on that kid with that **** snap back forever. I thought that I would get married to him and maybe have a future. Just maybe because there was such optimism in his voice when he said those words to me that I actually started to believe them.

I don’t hate myself for it. I don’t hate you for it.

I saw her Facebook the other day. “In a relationship” is usually the knife in the chest… it stung a little, but I think what bothered me the most was that the boy with the tattoos that made me all of these promises threw them in the trash. I think what hurts the most is having no closure. Abrupt endings hurt the worst when you have to rip your ties free of that person and try to fix the frayed ends. I was ****** and hated her… but then I realized I don’t hate her. I am actually really happy for her… and you because hopefully this is different for you. Because you deserve to be happy. Because I want her to be happy. But most of all because I deserve to be happy. There is no room in my heart for bitterness. I don’t deserve to be stomped on. Mostly because I forgive you and it is time to start moving on to a life I deserve.

I deserve to be the light that warms the room. I deserve to be the wind that freely travels the world. I deserve to be a free spirit. I deserve to experience love without fear of the past. I deserve to have a bright contagious smile and laugh and chase after the people who will better my life.

I never thought I would get to this part but I am still learning. Learning how to trust. Learning how to study. Learning how to interact with others. But mostly learning to let go of those who willingly leave my life.  

I am learning but I still have a long way to go. At least I can say that the pain of learning has never made me happier. So this is me… still learning to let go.
Jowlough May 2016
A thing of the graved past
Is not relevant at all.
But things you did not disclose
Is a deep dark nightmare call.

There was this noble boy
Who you've said have courted you.
You said he's a good friend
And he liked you.

I see he loves cars and travel
More often than you do,
A noble inheritor of a family firm
With an atlethic frame and hue.

But,  the way you describe him
Sounded like he has no mere value.
And me: I believed in the light
Of your tongues' sweet fondue.

Of all this precious time,
My mind have held your stories
Grasped and chained
Optimistic and unworried

Of all this time, doubts.
Yes doubting was never an option
Nor an attempt to juice
Even the slightest blood potion

Until Unexpectedly time came,
Yes on your twentieth birthday,
Expectant was not in the thoughts
Of positivism I've had for years.

Unaware and extremely honest
Smiling with a chance to navigate
Your smart phone's veins
Having a funny faith.

Until someone peeped and popped
From the large screen landscape.
And I never knew
That it was the pivot of my life
Nor a wrist sliding through a knife.

The SMS said, "I love you".
Then blah blah, "missed you"
And all of the mumbled I've seen,
Numbed my soul and ego.

I got wounded. Deeply wounded.
Every word, there's a stab
In my heart, cutting every veins
Feeling the friction and I rub

My eye, it has water I see flowing,
You loved him more than the sun
And I see the young persona of you
Blinkering infront the gun

Like a gun, Pointed at my temples
I've found my self humbly destroyed,
As I knew you missed the guy,
And how you were overjoyed.

Devasted in every word
Knees are trembling with grief
I never knew that I could,
Incorporate you with disbelief.

And as you came in the room
I immediately handed your phone,
And pulled the "surprise" curtain
And greeted you with a nice tone.

"Happy birthday, Darling"
I love you so much. With tears,
Streaming, spine shivering,
Caught off guard by the latch.

Then I stayed. Yes I'm invinsible
And strong as a boxer in the ring.
I've faced your family
Despite of the heavy sting.

Then the lights activated
And someone whispered me
And said "hey sweetie"
"The breakfast is ready"

I quickly jumped up out the bed,
And sip my good coffee
As I think of memories
Escaping the reality.

Looking at the kids
My heart beats faster than the bullet
As I look at your picture
In my treasure box's closet.

Then my wife whispered to me,
"Hunny, who is she?"
I said she is an ex giflfriend
Who cheated me nasty

As my wife and I are alone
She asked me, "why?"
I wrote this poem,
And I almost died.

Then I woke up again
Realizing it was just another dream;
I've found my 26 year old self
Decided to empty this bin

A bin full of trash
From memories who hurted my home
My heart and my brain woke up
Feeling pained and all alone.
Art in my head is dying and the passion is hanging in the hole of a needle.
Akira Chinen Sep 2015
I'm a poor father, that is to say my yearly income is nothing to brag about.  According to our government as of last year, I am now above the poverty line, so I realize there are many out there struggling more than I am.... too many, theres no reason for poverty to be so common in todays world.  I have my 9 to 5 life (though its not actually those specific hours),  I have a car to get me from here to there and back again and thats all it is, I live in a house that isn't impressive to look at, it's liveable and functional, and most importantly I have a little boy to take care of.  He's my only child, but he has a half sister and a half brother, so he's not an only child.  He's  almost 8 yrs old, unfortunately and fortunately since his mother and I went our separate ways I've gotten to spend half his life with him .  A week with me, a week with his mom, thats been his life since he was 6 months old.  Over the years I've grown  closer and developed a much stronger bound with him  than his mother has.  I taught him to read, add, subtract, multiply, divide, and write.  Reading time has been a major part of our life,  we've read hundreds and hundreds of books (and theres probably a few of those books we've read a hundred times each).  I've encourgaed him to exercise his brain daily, both for mental dexterity and creative agility.  I won't claim I taught him to draw or anything like that, like all kids he just picked up crayons and makers and pencils and brushes and went at it.  As he got older I gave him suggestions and "helped" if he asked but mostly I just watched and encouraged.  Nothing is more important to me than his health and happiness.  I took part in bringing him into this world because I wanted to be a father, I wanted to raise a child,  I wanted the challenges and responsibilities, I wanted the joys and the heartaches, the sleepless nights and the sleeping in, late night binges and earlier morning breakfasts....all the things I thought would be wonderful and amazing.  As great as I thought it would be, and I thought it would be beyond my wildest dreams,  its been so much more than I could have imagined.  I know as a parent I'm going to naturally want to brag and say what an amazing kid he is.  So I am. He is an amazingly beautiful little guy,  his heart is already too big for this world.  He's as kind and compassionate and empathetic, it's easy to forget his just a kid sometimes.  He's not perfect, he's silly and goofy and acts just like any other boy his age.  He makes mistakes, he runs in the hall and plays in the bathroom and talks during quite time and gets too excited and doesnt always listen the 1st or 2nd  or 3rd time and stands in the corner every now and then.  But he's a good kid with a good  heart and at this point in his life a better person than most of us (a more common trait in children than I think most "adults" would care to admit).  There's been no greater privilege in my life than being his dad.  We love each other, I'm not going to try to claim more than any other parent and child love each other but at least as much as any other can.  For the last 2 or 3 years (I can't recall the exact first time) he's been wishing and asking to just live with "dad".   It started off with cute expressions like "Dad, I wish I could be with you a million days and only have to see mom one day.", to crying "I don't want to go back to mom's, I want to stay with you.", to asking "Why can't I just live with you all the time?".  And every time, I sat down with him and explained that wouldn't be fair to mom and mom loves you just as much as I do and me and mom agreed to share you equally and deciding on who he wants to live with is a "Big Boy" decision  and he would have to have a "Big Boy" talk with mom one day, but he had to know that telling mom he wanted to live with dad would hurt moms felling so maybe we should wait until he was older.  However, mom wants to move somewhere were it wouldn't be possible to keep up the other every week and now we're in court...
It wasn't an easy decision to make, lawyers are expensive, outcomes are unknown until its all over.... I didn't have to ask where he would choose if it was his choice, but I did.  I've witnessed the heartache in his eyes week after week our last few days together for years now.  I know if I just let him go he would be devasted and heartbroken.  Now here we are waiting... my lawyer is hoping by christmas we'll be done.  Every now and then he asks, "What if mom wins?", and I have to choke down the tears and stop myself from crying and sit him down and put on a brave face and tell him "At least we tried, we just have to do our best, and no matter what happens always remember  we love each other and nothing will ever change that."  I wish I had a better answer... and every now and then I wish it was the other way around, that he would be happier at moms or at least just as happy.  It would be easy to let him go if it meant he would be happy.  There's nothing more beautiful than your childs smile, nothing more pleasing to your ears than their laughter, no greater privilege than keeping their minds, their hearts, and their spirits healthy. To teach them to be kind and generous, to show them no matter how little you have you always have enough to share,  to protect their innocence, to give them magic to belive in... to let them be children in the short time they have to be so.  As they grow through their childhood, encourage the things they love, push their minds and hearts towards the things that make them smile, give them the tools to develop discipline and a good work ethic.  There's no stopping time, and time will always steal some of everyones innocence, but we can teach our children to hold onto at the very least the ghost of their innocence.  Show them its not the size of their house, or the price tag of their car, or how many figures and zeros on their paychecks that makes them rich or successful, but instead it's the amount of love in their hearts they have to give to the world that will either make them rich or poor.  On paper, on the surface of my appearance, I'm just a poor father, one of too many on the world,  I drive a car that goes but has no vroom, I live in a house that won't ever end up on the pages of a magazine...  But that little guy of mine, what he's given my heart, what his smile does for our home.... There's  no on richer, no one living in bigger or more beautiful castle.
Babylona Bora Sep 2014
Like a bird in  cage,she flutters her wings for freedom
Prisoned in his devilish abode, she craves for  attention
The Demon, bold and strong marked upon her his scent
'This is my territory and you are my prisoner
Never in my wildest dream will I let you free
as you are my only solace' he told her.

'I want freedom, in its accepted form'
Devasted I am with this imprisonment guarded by lust,
How can I unlock the cage to your heart,' she replied in a voice which trailed off into muteness


Agonised in pain
succumbed with misery,
She realised the path to his heart
Is one tough journey

The Demon made his appearance into her chamber,
Startled with his presence, she kept away her thoughts for later
For he came and pushed her
Kissing her passionately,against the wall.

Holding her up against the silky red plasters,
He worked his way to open her antique lace dress
With perfect dexterity,he unhooks every button
And plants silent kisses
She moans with pleasure
As he marks her with his teeth down her neck.


Lost herself to the demon of lust.
Not her mistake to fall in love,
Little did she knew the cost of love.
Such lust ; Such pain
The endurement of love.
jeffrey robin Dec 2010
astride the pale horse

into the devasted inner sanctum of the mind-less city

she was there in the barest cloak of filthy rags and clinging children

she said   "25 cents if you want me here, 50 cents for there
and a dollar for  the primal opening"

she smiled...her broken teeth glistening obscurely in the obsenity

--

we

-----

the one eyed one legged child crawled on and into the alley
begging the garbage cans to yield  him some food

the refuse was swirling around the feet
of all the refugees

the pale horse moved on

the rider had no choice but to go along

----

we have no choice

-----

astride the pale horse we move along
Kristie Lewis Oct 2012
Age
How is it that at 14 I knew everything,
At 16 only more?
I was in love for a  year, devasted for two.
At 19, I learned that I never knew you.
Which is strange because you were the thing I knew best.
I knew you better than your parents.
I knew that they were wrong,
To say we were too young to promise love,
How cruel! How absurd! We certainly aren't!
I knew they were wrong, until I learned that they weren't.

Then, new boy came along, wild eyes, hidden sadness,
But now at 19, an adult for sure,
I knew your intentions. You would be my cure.
You claimed not to love me, but you saw my beauty.
So surely I knew better! You must be kidding yourself.
I thought I could prove it by giving myself.
Yet again I was wrong, another two years I tried to believe
Intermittent with all those times I was ready to heave,
you away. But I never did.

So in between, at 20,
I leaned on One I called friend. Pills blurred reality.
One night saw that end.

21 now, let's hope I have learned.
You aren't like the others, you do as you say.
Unafraid to care, yet careful with promises, I hope you stay.
Danielle Rose Sep 2012
I tripped a wire and
set off the bombs
devasted my skull
blowing out my eardrums
I wish I could escape the
massive flame but it burns within
My temple caved
as I march to the sound of a
broken war drum
The warrior has disappeared
lost in the smoke and fog
...I've lost the battle today
Even when you're right
you're wrong,

old fox,
I see you're barking

Lick that little child's face,
they don't see what I saw

your teeth growing out again,
the feet of the furniture
devasted. dust and shaded
Dawn Lambert Mar 2016
I try to make it worth it
Don't you see that im devasted
Try to tell you who I am
Meant for life
cause I'm gonna be me
im gonna be free
But you ignore me
lock up your heart from me
You never let it go free
I beg you
Even go down on my knees
Just listen
Open up your heart for me
that is all i need
you dont let me be happy
its because of you
that im frown upon
every time i stand up
you push me down
But i tell you this know
im stronger now
im wiser now
i dont look back in my past
i go toward the future
but i stand in the present
that is what i nuture
i meant to be me
i meant to befree
and now you lock up in syphony
now im not what i use to be
im here were im meant to be
Winking through the windows of lust
I often eye on the beauties
They do lure my dopamine though
Still my mind manage to restrict those naughty thoughts
By Injecting the hormone of guilt
So deeply inside my core
Which never miss a single chance
To puncture my heart once more
Oozing out the blood of regret mercilessly
To make me feel devasted again and again
Feelings turned history
Absorbing the air of change
But still they hunt me
Like nightmare does to sleep
Still they ask me
Like vivas do to practicals
Instead of punishing me for my fault
They do adore me still
Instead of hate
They do sprinkle liquid of love
Still I wink through that window
In order to quench my hidden thirst
Still I repent again and again
But I repeat those mistakes
Don't know why
Still confused and arrested
I do wink aimlessly..............
Its all about the emotions of a broken heart teenager who is trying to fight with his own feelings .
Mims Aug 2017
I'm nostalgic for a time that's not yet over,
The low hum glow of my phone,
Playing a new,
Chill band I found on Youtube at 3am.

Car ride,
With music blasting my eardrums,
While the shadows of trees cast on my face,
And warm air caresses my cheeks.

My hand on the wheel,
Of my mothers subaru,
Driving through school parking lots.

Lying on the grass,
Looking at the lake,
The sun sets,
And I experience a calm like no other.

"Hi!" I wave,
Another party,
New faces,
Music,
Friends.

More drives,
More music,

I pray this never ends

Cool day,
Sitting in this dressing room
Girls attack me with fits of laughter,
Begging for jokes,
For stories.
Asking me for anything,
To make them feel valued.
"My dad is horrible"
"My parents are divorced"
"I heard Anya cuts herself"
I give them advice,
Pretend that I'm wise,
Even though I'm trying to figure it all out myself.

Dark,
Stars,
Chill,
Night.
Sitting on swings,
Talking to you,
About our entire lives.

I'm nostalgic,

For a time thats not yet over.

But I'll be so devasted when it is.
i like being a teenager too much, but i might as enjoy it
The oncoming

The human tragedy is not to learn from the past
The world is in an uproar a nuclear war is coming
The belief is by using a smaller bomb it will not be so bad
So also, is the thinking of the enemy.
Millions of people will be killed and nature already
Devasted will collapse too.
It appears to me that the coming tragedy is ordained
That unknown forces will make it this way, it is uncanny
That we blithely walk around with no care in the world
As the Damocles sword has loosened from it ropes, and
Is about to fall.
What is left is scorched earth circling around the sun
The seasons will come and go in in silence and we shall
Not hear the joyous laughter of the young.
Keep it in the family
Don't let the outside in
Keep your wrists tight bandaged
Don't let them know your sin.

Secrets are so volatile, they rot away, you're feeling vile, your body violated, the family will be devasted.

Just for a while it all seems right, the night is far from you, but secrets held so close have a way of eating through the toughest skin, keep it in, keep the sin, one day you'll learn to fight the fear that cuts you deep, won't let you sleep.

Don't let them see you bleeding
Don't let them see the tears
They'll read about you in your eyes and
be mesmerised until the hurt you feel is cauterised by the passing of the years.
Hanson Williams Jul 2019
Hallo is it you *****,
I am trying to reach Robert  but his phone is off,
Noah cannot pick either, bet he's still sleeping
Try getting hold of them and tell your brothers Charlie has just died,
His house burned down last with him inside.

The children saw it when they were going to school this morning
I have sent Mama Jane down to see
Wekesa, our house help is here but cannot speak,
That is Mama Jesca wailing,
I don't like screams, off you go Jesca, stop the wailing

Its a sad time son,
Plan and come down here as soon as you can
Quickly tell your brothers,
I want you all here with me,
The family needs each of you.

The askaris have come to take away his body to the mortuary,
They're also investigating the cause of the fire,
I cannot go down there with my swollen feet,
I just hope he did not do it himself with the petrol he was stealing from the generator,
He had gone to take ***** with Turkana the night guard.

My poor Charlie,
I don't know what I feel right now
I am sure Mama Helen is devasted,
It must be so hard to loose a son, I was not ready for this,
I don't know *****.

We will lay him on the left lawn with pink frangipani trees
We will have to chop down a few oleanders and mulberries
We will make him a small house over his grave
After a year I will work on his tombstone with help of you boys
I will write the epitaph myself.
Dad
ƛrtie Apr 2017
i wonder if your mind slips a bit in
chaos, killing doubts into lonely paths of lust, into the darkness, where my hands are ghosts touching souls, but my heart pounds rapidly ever after, thinking of you, maybe lonely, or devasted or maybe as just a reminder that life is within us, when we think of each other, when we let our wet dreams be real for once, when they slip out of our sneaky minds, pass loads of roads and miles and miles
just to get into two strange arms and a heartbeat. Cause baby we've got miles ahead us, and pure lights to show us the way when everything is blur. Everything except you. Cause you, you're my lifeguard. When I'm at the edge, when my feet can't bare the shore anymore, when my head's in the clouds and my feet lost, lost in wonderland, you're the one that holds me tight. And I am there. Standing. For once again.
Thinking how I could have drowned. But you saved me.
And now I'm drowning in thoughts,
maybe that's the painful price of having feet instead of wings. I never thought I could fly. But you lift me high and then.. Everything stops. It's just you and me in this world. I could show you the black and white strips on my underwear and you could save the stars for me. But whats the point anyway?
Time is passing by like-no there's no simile for time at least for now-
It just flows away.. Just like our dreams. Doesn't it? It seems so familiar. This feeling of devastation, this feeling of hope inside us. But we can't. We can't just walk into bodies, knock the door to their souls and make a home there. Because that's definately not the way world is made up. Our world.
And we've got a rollercoaster waiting...
#hello #hellopoetry #poetry #poem #newtothis #follow #spark #dark #light #dreams #art #sea #soul #heart #lips #inlove #mouth #sweet #sour #dance #breathing #feelings #fight #like #girl #lucky #hands #teenage #affection #help #nostalgic #sadness #madness #life #crazy #family #flower
KB Aug 2018
Three years now.
Battling just to get the pain to be less. To get new knees that has been worn and torn by a disease.
To be able to walk with less pain.
To feel free just a bit more.

First was to find a doctor.
You heard third time the charm.
Found a surgeon who could fix the unknown damages from an absolute mess of another.
You know it's just normal to not be able to use a knee the way it was meant to be use. You know to bend or straight when it was necessary. Your body can handle the adjustments just a bit more.
Only took almost a year to find.
Now the wait of approval from FDA and insurance?

Just stiffness in the morning. No biggie. More pain meds. No biggie either.
The call came in. A voice said it's approved. Yeppie!!
Only a year later of waiting.
Papers signed. Now the date of surgery.
But first. Get the medical clearance. No worries. Easy pisey. Okay. Date set.
You know only about couple days for the big day.
Oh! A voice came in. Insurance didn't approve the surgery just yet.
Say what?!? Tears flow down as the voice speak.  
Hope was shot down like piercing a hole into a heart.
It's okay the voice said. Don't give up on me yet. It will happen! Be patient please. Yea patient is the key. That's all I've given to you was patient. Anger boils within.

Time has past. More pain around the knee. You know the normal wear and tear of the disease. It's okay. You are strong. You can do it. Been dealing with it your whole life.
It's the voice. Finally good news. Insurance approved!
Only half a year later. Okay. The process of medical clearance again.

Office visit.
Talk with the voices about surgery. Sign more papers. Know every single detail. Happy faces. Good vibes. Only took us two years to get here. Finally the big day has finally happening soon. Give hugs and smiles.
Driving to work. The voice appeared on the phone.
Stare at the phone wondering why. Answered. Voice said bad news. There was miscommunication with company of the implant and the voices.

Say what?!?
You know how many times can hope and faith be ripped out of you? Devasted. Burned to the core.
Broken. Faith was lost. Holding the breakage of the tears. Got to work. Tears flew like a water. Anger boiling like an exploding volcano. That's it. I'm done. No more faith. This isn't happening anytime soon. Dreams were pushed back further. Just continue to live life. Continue college. Graduation is coming soon. You don't need the new knees jsut yet.

More pain appeared each day.
All this battle just to get this surgery. What does one single person have to fight through just to get this? Is there hope in me to continue to wait? It's only three years. How many more just to feel less pain? Now more waiting.
Hope is there but only a flinch of light to not give up. Just have to deal with restless nights and whatever else that comes my way.  I can do this. Anxiety will not get to me. This disease will not control me.
The oncoming


So also, is the thinking of the enemy.
Millions of people will be killed and nature already
Devasted will collapse too.
It appears to me that the coming tragedy is ordained
That unknown forces will make it this way, it is uncanny
That we blithely walk around with no care in the world
As the Damocles sword has loosened from it ropes, and
Is about to fall.
What is left is scorched earth circling around the sun
The seasons will come and go in in silence and we shall
Not hear the joyous laughter of the young.
Manish Tewari Jun 2019
You
You were like a favourite book of mine, reading you thoroughly, understanding you correctly were hobby of mine .
I was proud on the content of yours and was feeling really lucky and excited that I will be yours but when I realized that the content of yours was a series of lies, I was devasted at that moment, I felt like am not alive and internals of mine were shattered in pieces.
I am waching my debris lying here and there , with the parts of mine been broken , scattered and  being lost and missing.
While collecting these pieces I am wondering of you, the moment we lived, the moment we cherrised, the moment I loved to be with you, why I wonder were broken by you.
The reason of destruction is still unknown, the reason of loneliness is still unknown, the reason of betrayal is still unknown.
The act of yours have broken my soul, yes my soul, the soul which loved you like never before, the soul which comforted you like never before, the soul which helped you like never before.
The soul of mine is drawing a line, a line to determine the constituent of mine.
An attempt is needed to determine , an attempt is needed to show strength of mine.
preservationman Mar 2023
Shocked and devasted
I suffered in a Health Condition and Heaven saw
Uplifted being Heaven’s call
There wasn’t much anybody could do
Heaven was my only pursue
I know on Earth you are heart broken
Don’t be sad
Don’t feel bad
You took excellent care of me well
Pure love and everyone could tell
You couldn’t have done anymore
You did your best and that was for sure
It was my time
Heaven’s schedule
On my journey like a module
I will miss you
Remember me on Earth
No more pain nor suffering again as Heaven is my new birth
Our love was strong
That is how I want you to live along
Bonding in thinking how I gave you inspiration
Remember the voice in my bark
Think of my paw touching your lap
One bark for love
Second bark for thanks
Last bark for everlasting
Love will never be unchanged
It takes time to heal all wounds
It’s not the moment, hour nor second
Taking one day at a time
Let Salem always be in your heart
I want you to be a carefree Dove
That is what you should be thinking of
We will see each other again
Heaven said and knows
That’s a promise
My paw in your hands
My time
No guilt as you took very good care of me
Heaven is where I need to be
Pure Heavenly
Heart to heart
From yesterday to tomorrow
Have no sorrow
Until we acquaint again.
preservationman Jul 2023
Shocked
Devasted
Loss for words
Talent, Tony Bennett
Moment in one’s life and time
Tony Bennett had a singing voice that attracts
Melody in tact
San Francisco wonders
New York City lights dim
East Coast and West Coast connected
Tony Bennett has gone yonder
Beyond our reach in elevation
His charm
Years of enrichment
The preserver forward
Mr. Bennett wants the world to move onward
Old Blue eyes
Always wise
Remembrance always
Cherished thoughts
Fans with tears
Tony Bennett’s Heaven preserver
Heaven’s target
Bulls eye Faith
Mr. Bennett’s music will always live on for many years to follow
Thank you for inspiring our hearts
The world’s loss
Heaven’s gain
Embrace
Until the time comes and we meet again
Officers and Gentlemen

I think this was the name of the movie I saw a romantic love story
of an officer aspirant and his girlfriend who worked in a factory.
When he passed his exam, he walked into the factory claiming
his trophy.
It was ever so romantic, brought tears to many eyes, it raised
a social class issue here, the movie was made before the woke
mentality and Me-Too took hold.
His friend who also studied to become an officer had a girlfriend
whose dream was marrying an officer.
He was not that keen to be one, broke off the study and told her
they could get married now buy a house and have kids
A sulk walked across the girl’s face, and her dream was crushed
She didn´t love him, but the illusion.
She refused to marry a mere civilian.
Devasted, he understood she had not loved him, her words
of love was fantasy walking down the high-street, arm in arm
With an officer.
The young man felt betrayed and lied to boked into a hotel
got a room and, later that day hung himself.
Xoenty Mar 21
I was determined to succeed, but didn’t really have the faith
I doubted myself,
Because of the consequences faced
Tears run down to my soon to be wrinkled cheek
What am I??
A lady with no hope for the future, and with a purpose unknown but expectations.

Others wake up to their work places
I trot around, In my old ragged and tattered clothes
Young children mock me
I don't have the strength to fight back
With no food in my 4 but 2-legged table
I sit down and expect food.

I’m living a life, that no one wants to live
The kind of life I have, has short lived happy memories
A chain of sad memories, A thought lingers in my mind
As I think of the good times, I had with my father
I was once happy, but he left before it could all stick
I then lived a life with tears as my daily bread
Accompanied by bruises as my tea
The woman I called mother changed or maybe she was blinded
She couldn’t see the difference between her daughter and just a figure
All that pain was slowly killing me
It felt like I was being suffocated and drowned at the same time
I only wished that I could die, without feeling anymore of it.

Living a life where you are reminded of how good it once was
A life where the only time you say something
Is when you are sobbing in your little bed
I used to wonder what my crime was
I never chose to be a girlchild
But I was suffering for fate’s course

I ran and never looked back, I forgot about that place
At least I thought I did, but I didn’t, I couldn’t
And look at me now
I’m stuck in a world that surely doesn’t want me
I’m living because I’m a coward
I cannot take my own life, but I think about it a lot
My heart is really hurt, my body and soul too
It feels like it was once constructed,
Then bisected
I’m devasted and hungry
Dejected and angry
But I don’t know who I’m angry at?
Do I still blame my father for dying?
My mother for forgetting that I was hers?
Or at myself, for letting it all get to me.

— The End —