She moves with
      Grace
The Gracious meeting in denial
He's the baron of beef delicious side
Reproduction picture full slide
The most
   Casual face

Met the eternal masterly
    Artist face
Saying Oh! Grace
The other side of midnight
     Mask Face
She could overjoy anyone's
Heart in the right place
    Deceiving Face

The miracle of love principles
Such skepticism could it be overjoyed realism

But a hell of a time with heavenly bliss
What a shock when he gave me my kiss
His Crooked face to longevity nose
Hiding place A-Rose

Beachy trance-set face

Highlands of Scotland,
anybody would want her
     *Joyful face

He's the baronial
Secluded caves but risky dives
The turn only If?? I
could turn back the time
The events strictly
confidential

Her apple cheeks bathing suit
He is picking her fruit
So soothing the fiddle
Tinman whistles the ladies harps

Their medieval moment's help!!!
The swords  bust to his manly chest
Sleeping Inn New castle west
Their best bedrest

The cupboards open overjoyed
invitation decorative cans
Of greens, pinks, purple passion

And flourless chocolate cakes
Powdered lips love his reaction

She was seductively awe-inspiring
The top hills of Ireland grass
vividly raised her legs
The bowl next to her
The Rose blush wines
Bare it Fruit and figs

The baronial tug of war wigs

Melodious birds the
Grand One
The thousand piano words
Overjoyed but
under the {Baronial} weather

So lordly new threads tailored
White-collared
carpenter pants
Men of the herds
She's the
Caron French boutique

There ****** desires
The creature within
Wildly mating like critiques

Her perfumes so extinct
mysteriously
Overjoyed her heart
So cultured violin strings
Dollhouse Castle to restore
With her unique touches,
he wanted more

The steps tiring like a killed deer
every muscle he could hear

Over elaborating how people are dating
With a  stamped from the very
heart  approval
But hard times such laboring
Sitting in her
overjoyed chair
His face all Scrooged
no gifts of flowers
What are the odds of this pair

Over and over again her rainbow
her sensitivity we need longevity
The  endless walls are caving in
We are not so overjoyed by
this monster garden
She had her first breakdown
Going up the
Jack and Jill Ireland hill
In the longtime what long run
Way too short
It didn't come from above

The vintage oldtimer
radios sitting
together with
family listening
so long ago
So commercialized
The crazy shows
Where do you really want to go,
you just want to shut everything off

He called her the powder puff
Waiting for the nocturnal star
Those scrubs and hot rubs shower
Over my knee-high boots so in
love cahoots

Oh! It's her
The smart student
Owl Hoot whats to boot
Eating her shepherd's pie
so lordly full lips word-me
Ireland Holy Land
of love and beauty

Overly scrupulousness
The time of blessings

But the baronial loved to be
overly entertained
And she would sit there  
Blue-blooded royal dishes
Got flushed away no wishes

Oversimplification
Like the hardest love
of multiplication
The ****** overstimulation
Over embellished
But you're still positive
overjoyed
But why did she
want to vanish

Over-programming
    Web-Face
Destroyed her
Apple jubilee computer

Spiritual Zen
Or new lover Amen
Ever touched by Ireland maidens
Like the crimson and clover
I do believe in the
Four leaf clover Face

Like the only thing she picked
were the weeds
More beauty of life and deeds
Or tons of sorrow wondering
how she
would feel tomorrow?
We will never know

There is no movement here
(Except inside my head)
Besides the rhythmic heaving of my chest,
My arms readjusting around my pillow,
Legs contorted into what I can only describe as
A lying down flamingo.
There is no motion that cannot be accounted for,
Only the necessary,
The slight,
The human impulses that cannot be quelled
By bedrest.

Alone.

I laid there—two weeks—
Alone with my thoughts,
My fears,
My shortcomings,
My inability to be
Anywhere but where I was:
Facing the ceiling
With such intent
You would think I was waiting
For a ghost to appear
(Maybe I was),
Haunted by myself.

the feelings of hurting i've been
having since you told me the way you work
are not the worst that i've felt all
my life. it bothers me that you've gone,
and it bothers me that i'm only bothered,
not dying.

i loved you in a way i've never
loved another soul. i loved you to your core.
i loved you as a being in a faulty body.
i loved your past life's symptoms...
still do.

i feel overly sensitive
to the sun - just by rays and not
by warmth. i can soak in the warmth, i can
feel reborn if i keep my eyes closed.
i can see the blood red, begin
again. i open my eyes and i'm all
blood red and even my breath
hurts my skin.

you told me you were akin to disease,
like your own, but toward me,
and i should have made it more clear
how well i would handle the word "terminal"
if it was you who directed it at me.
to be honest i would love nothing more
than being restricted to bedrest,
afflicted with you.

you have every permission to
eat at my brain like a poison.
burn my heart with equal parts fire and acid.
i'm asking you for it. i'm asking for you.
i'm calling for you and you hear me. we see
each other, stare. you don't answer.

you wanted to clean me up, dust the
dirt of you off me, wipe the mud from my eyes
that you think surely must be keeping me
from seeing clearly. but there is no mud, just
my own dark circles. i am clean
though i stand in the deepest hole i've
ever dug. still you scrub. my skin goes
numb.

It was probably in Dubai at the Hyatt when I met her
or it may have been in Dresden at the Steigenberger,
I
can't remember,

am I just dredging up old memories trying
to keep some flame alive?

but there are lots of things I don't recall
in this season of my fall
and more things still
I left unsaid

Bedrest
so the Doctor says
what a way to end my days
and then it came to me as
these things usually do
I met her down in Sussex
just outside
Drusillas zoo.

I am just like you
though you can’t see
my gushing head wound
like the elderly man
to my right.
He slumps in his wheelchair
as his wife holds a bag of ice
to his forehead.

To the little boy staring
between visits to the green
plastic sick bag,
scared of my trembling body:
I am sick too
though I have no fever like you.
He’s a deer in the headlights
until his mother scolds
him for being rude.

To the receptionist who swears
it will only be a minute
as people scream for dear life:
I feel your pain.
I know what it is like to not be able
to help and feel helpless.
I’ve waited six hours thus far
for someone to tell me something
I already know.

To my impatient father
and my mother
who just doesn’t understand
why exactly we’re here:
this isn’t an act,
it’s a cry for help.

But unlike the elderly man,
I will leave with no gauze
or cast
or colorful Band Aid.
I will not leave with orders
for bedrest. I will leave
with my head held low,
just as exhausted
as I was before.

Remember the Rush?
I do.
Remember the Feel?
I do.

Remember the time you felt alive and all was still?
The day you got that
That medal of yours

You thirsted for them
Had to have more
And you achieved another
Another achieved again

But that last accident threw you for a spin
And you’re on bedrest
You’ve lost some shine
Like those medals

These medals of mine...

Humans have long trespassed and
destroyed animal territories.
Humans have poached
And selfishly encroached
upon animal habitats,
felling trees to build human habitations.
Now the tables were turned
Humans quarantined in house arrest,
while some lie sick in bedrest
So animals not usually seen had a fields day roaming upon roads, crossing the streets. Reclaiming the once jungle lands
turned into concrete urban jungles.

It's better that busy humans now become photoholic
than forever queueing in lines of heavy traffic.
Without human pollution, nature is all the more photogenic
Mother nature all a creation of God
has now had many of us grounded
as she gives us a hiding
while we go into hiding.
Extraordinary turn of events indeed!!
In several countries round the world:
Discos and casinos vacated
Pubs and nightclubs evacuated
Bars shutdown for lockdown
People are behind bars
instead of guzzling beer in bars
and instead of animals behind bars.

Humans compelled to hibernate
so animals busted their cell gate
Priorly animals were in an enclosure
Now they are getting free exposure
Self-centred humans cared mostly about themselves
but now the animal kingdom is the cynosure.
Animals were shut in cages
while now human activity is under similar closure.
Ah, this corona crisis!
Is all this mercenary stasis
for humans a roasting nemesis?
A heavy price to pay
for rapacious carelessness and arrogance
where humans acted like they are in control,
like they are controllers of this planet
and they could do anything they wish with it.
It's ignorance to think all this is mere coincidence.
Im relieved our Islamic prayers can be said any place, anywhere
to kneel and bow to the one true real sustainer of the universe.

We need to invoke and supplicate to the creator who is still in control...
as prayer can really truly prevent fear and anxiety in such scary times.

there on the scaffold
          colorful cacophonous screams emanating from workman’s coveralls  
           captivated her
           rebel in real life



engaged by her lack of hero worship    dedication to her art     the common cause
            her fire drew him to her

and so they began to weave their tapestry

it tells a story
tumultuous
traveled
torn
tragic
timeless
true

brilliant hues
life
as art
compatriots
rebels
lovers
newsreels  
public pride
personal degradation
recovery
reconciliation

back on the scaffold
             cacophony revisited

back on bedrest
              resilient resisting unceasing unaccepting


scaffold and ego deemed titanic-like         demand artistic license  uncompromising
                     crushed   crumble  disintegrate  
               lose face    credibility

turn tale
and run to the one deemed feeble
whose
spirit knows no bonds                        
      as body knows no freedom

yet
is Hercules for them both

until
the day her plaits were drawn crisscross on her forehead
decorated with huge glorious blossoms
      plucked from the patio

lips kissed

last breath

a pair destined for the history books


a love
            rollercoasterlargerthanlife




FateD?


  










Frida & Diego: FateD?    

© 2017 rochelle foles

From a well of war, blood and thirst,
I, upon an iron cross have been cursed.


This land is parched of freedom, it's full of debt,
I find death my only best bet.

Bandaged upon the table, it's bedrest,
I bet another bullet in my head would be best.


Darkness closes in and around,
I know not until another body is found.


Jagged shrapnel cuts into my heart,
The war never ends, I am torn apart.


My love, my life has been ripped away,
The silence closes in, tis' but another day.


Faces of dead people upon my windowsill,
Fires of hell have looked nicer still.

This one’s for the quiet ones locked in their bedrooms
Too burnt out to break free from the monsters that loom
To the ones someone told it’s not worth chasing dreams
To the ones sitting still so they don’t burst at the seams
This one’s for the lost ones, the overlooked ones, the dropped ones
For the selective mutes, the broken brutes, the ones playing possum

To the aching tender joints, to the bedrest homies
The inspiration **** I am when they don’t even know me
The invisible struggle that lights a fire inside
The cut locks, broken doors, screaming match courtside
I’ve been there, I’ve seen that, the closing curtain last act
You already know you’re strong so I don’t have to say that

I’m not looking down on you
You know they’re gonna clown on you
I want you to know that it doesn’t have to drown you
If you’re looking for a sign to stay,
My friend, this is it
None of you did anything to deserve this ****

If you’re scared (Don’t give up)
Unprepared (Don’t give up)
If you’re ready to drop outta here (Don’t give up)
If you’re feeling like you’ve disappeared (Don’t give up)

I’ve got your back; I’ve got your spirit by my side
I’ve got that heavy burden, I’ve been that tattered pride
They’re not gonna say thank you, they’re not gonna say please
But we don’t have to earn our lives by begging on our knees
We don’t have to settle for fight, flight or freeze
We’ve got a depth of wisdom they can never seize

To the invisible ones, to the hidden in plain sight
To the hearts hanging heavy dreading going home at night
To the fending for yourselves, to the strategic hustlers
To the lost in other universes, to the panicked jimmy-rustlers
To the ‘how did I get here’s, to the max volume, quiet tears
To the looking for the exit, to the wasted golden years

I see you, I hear you
The truth is, they fear you
Those old ways are dying, We’re new pioneers who
Will call out the liars, we’ll march through the wires
Arm ourselves with truth, we’ll put out those fear fires
So rise up; recognize
That your spirit’s got merit outside of their eyes
Your value’s intrinsic, your dreams are realistic
This fight never ending, our story polyptych

This is a tribute to my mutineers
To the ones who keep fighting, the facers of fears
Straighten up, don’t carry their judgement
All of that hatred just ain’t in the budget
It’s unsustainable, come on, proclaim, we’re all
Building a new road, running down the Rockefellers
Don’t forget
We have a dream
Hold fast
Together we’re unstoppable

I made a neucanse out of my luxuries


the wine worries me


and the high only takes me so far


want the words an the numbers and the faces to ean something?  can't you accept nighilis?


spit out another phrase to make sense of it, fine


I type in order to avoid bedrest, I haven't begun makes my own arrangements for that yet, it doesn't even make sense, really


as the battery begins to die, my wine runs dry

and,seriously, out of things to say as the orbit on tv goes tp mir o,,ideate sp;ar system, impressive to the 80's physicist

using their finger s and thumbs to re enact the satellites behaviors

I pity their inaccuracy

If only the string theory folk

could get their act

together

So full of hope and innocence at four years old.
Always a good girl did as I was told.
"Come here sis lets play a secret game"
All I felt was shame.
Told "its our little secret mom and dad can't know"
Trying to hide my tears not letting them show.

Withdrawn 6 year old doesn't speak her mind prefers to be alone and read.
Sisters boyfriend "come here I know a fun game but don't tell your sister its our little secret "
Screaming NO in my head but no words come out. I comply to his wishes and pray for it to be over soon.

Sexually confused 8 year old practicing what she learned with friends. The little secret continues.
friends brother caught us and joined in but he wasn't kind.
"If either of you say anything about this I will **** you both"
Having to hide the bruises from my parents was difficult but successful.

****** abuse became the norm for the 14 year old who started letting boys play with her so they would like her but they always left her behind.

By age 16 she wondered why they only wanted *** and why noone wanted to be with her .
She started to wonder if it was something that was wrong with her. She tried harder to make people like her .
But she found out they only wanted ***. So she started using them instead .

By age 18 she was so sexually active that people called her easy and a **** and that's when she realized she didn't even enjoy ***. So she gave it up for new years resolution

At age 19 6 months without *** met someone we talked for hours.
Instantly became friends and then at the 11 month mark I broke my no *** rule.

20 and pregnant scared not knowing what to do everyone telling me to marry him cuz its the right thing to do so my child is not a *******.
So I convinced myself I loved him which I did have love for him but he hadn't earned my love yet

21 alone with a daughter with no clue where her husband is decided to go to college.
Husband shows up on daughters birthday when he hadn't been there all year and decides to ****** me unfortunately it worked and I was pregnant with child number 2.

22 on bedrest complications with pregnancy husband nowhere to be found. I had to pause school.
Got better went back to school.
Gave birth to a beautiful little boy. 6 weeks later my husband welcomes another son.
I filed for divorce.

23 graduated from college.
Got divorced .
Found hand mark on son my daughter said other mommy did it.
I filed a report and then left the state so they couldn't hurt my children.

24 started work as massage therapist. Loved every second of it.
Stopped for a hitchhiker on way home, we talked the whole way it felt like our souls connected.
He stayed and we started dating ,
Everything was going great he even got a job. But then I got pregnant and he showed his true self an alcoholic. I told him he couldn't stay if he didn't give up drinking so he left .

25 pregnant ready to pop trying to get ahold of the father. Finally his sister convinced him to be apart of the birth.
He came back waited on me hand and foot for 3 weeks till our son was born. Then when our son was born convinced me to take him back.
The rest of the year was good and bad he went to jail twice and it was cuz he was drinking behind my back

26 a decision on my door step in form of Cps making me choose him or my kids.
I chose my children.
But sadly it didn't stop there he repeatedly tried to convince me to take him back .
It wasn't easy to stand my ground but I said its either the alcohol or us he said us but chose the alcohol.

27 a friend asked me to house their friend I said I would.
He slowly weaseled his way into my pants and then said we were dating, I stayed silent.
After awhile he showed his true self angry lazy gamer that picks fights over not getting his way.
Kicked him out but both him and my sons father harassing me.

Ex husband wanted joint custody and wanted the children to live with him for the year I said "not without me there"
So me and 3 children moved in with ex.
He was acting like he was trying to be a good father but unfortunately what I didn't know was that he was abusing my children while I was at work and made my children repeat his lies.
I was taken by surprise when Cps contacted me telling me what was going on.
Before I knew what was happening they took my babies.

28 years old
Just got new job new house and doing everything they asked me to do. Listening to the caseworker.
Asked caseworker what I had to do to get my kids back she replied "you must admit you failed as a parent"
Caseworker refusing to place my children with family because foster parents want to adopt.
My children constantly telling me that they don't like the foster parents crying and throwing fits when it was time to leave also taking off saying "Please mommy don't make me go back!!!"

Foster parents wanted me to use their parenting style and use their rules.
One rule was "no touching"
Foster parents upset at me for playing with my kids. I fake wrestle with them and they use me as jungle gym.

Took my visits away because my daughter tried running away to my house.

29
Working long hours saving every penny.
Rarely getting to see kids.
Wrote letters to every state officials that I could find no one would help me.

Caseworker lied to me every time I talked to her.
After complaining 6 months she was finally removed but she got to keep her job and testified against me saying that I had it out for her and that I worked against her which isn't true she had it out for me and constantly lied to me and my family.

30 present
Parental rights terminated

Crying on my sons 5th birthday because I couldn't wish him happy birthday.

I want to feel love
Like a hug that comforts
Not a drug that quells.

I've been taking lines of love,
the only form I know.
It doesn't penetrate, it just coats
My surfaces.
I'm so hidden, I can't even find myself
Under my approval-seeking mask.

Will the me who tries less
Receive more?
I can't know until I try
To stop trying,
And feel prized for who I am
at my raw material
Not what I do
at my most fearful.

My costume is adored,
Maybe my nakedness would be too,
Even more so in it's realness?
I risk losing my accumulated love stash
In exchange for a single drop of the real thing.

It's the difference between an endless supply of  painkillers numbing my broken feet,
Or putting faith in a cast that heals slow and sure and warm.
And then I may finally walk on my own.

Maybe I won't be so tired all the time,
Not expending all that effort to be worthy,
no belief that my inherint value exists in the sustainable landscape of being.
Maybe I'll finally have the energy
to rest peacefully
In the knowledge that I can be me
when I wake.

It's a leap of faith,
For someone who has grown comfortable
with a hopscotch recipe for success,
Fleeting but with a guaranteed buzz.

I don't want to be a tweeker any longer.
I want to sober up on the real thing.
The pure glass of water that is
genuine affection,
The bedrest of trust,
Puking out my instinct to please
And filling up on the notion that
I, by myself, am enough
For others.
And more importantly,
For me.