The throbbing headache and nausea
I can endure; I've had worse.
Right now I could cry,
such a raw hope consumed me
as I thought about you, desperate.
It was still dark for me then,
when I needed you. Now it's day.
It brings a true smirk to my face
to know you are nothing more
than a night of binge drinking:
a foolish part of my youth,
a consequence of boredom.
I could not hold your liquor,
I vomited all that bile you said to me
in the hedges outside. Don't fret,
this is not a bad memory, in fact
you might never be a memory at all.
I am well. I will drink better and
far more dangerous poisons.
I am today, you are only last night.
my hair soaked in vomit
doors were slamming
i laid there silently
"third drawer on the right"
i couldn't listen to it any longer
my head was pounding
i kept asking if there was a pill that could make the pain go away
something to make me feel normal again
but there was no response
i looked him right in the eye
without flinching, i said
"you did this"
and he knew it wasn't a lie, or an excuse
but a reason
a reason that his daughter was
binge drinking away her sadness
i think part of my soul walked away with your words
when they fell out of your mouth
i think it was something like im done trying
but i cannot quite remember
because of how quickly my head clouded with the smoke
and i cannot quite see your facial expression
because my eyes fell to the floor almost as fast as my body did
the white noise is filling my ears and the droning
of your mumbled voice was mildly relaxing as i felt
the control of my body drift away
i do not know what happened
all i know is that when you left
you took all my beings with you
and what more is there for me to do
besides sit around and slut my wrists all day
with the pain from your words
dragged out across my body and into the hole
that you made when you broke my heart
Binge and Purge
Binge to indulge
Binge to delight
Binge to tell my tummy
That I'm still all right
Purge to forgive myself
Purge to forget my meal
Purge to rid my slim body
Of how depression feels
Binge to apologize the very next day
Purge to take a break and flush the pain away