i come from a long line of muses.
beauty contests won by bribery
and bravery. i was taught that the
way to a man’s heart is through
the fucking ribcage. there is no time
to play house. the daughter of dimitra,
i’ll take a pomegranate martini and
6 months in hell. you said you had a
nightmare that i would kill you in your
sleep. my darling, i only want to make
your dreams come true.
Sunshine silently collects by the window
And trickles down the wall,
Tracing the old finger prints that belonged to a tiny set of hands.
The golden rays pour over my unkept sheets,
And seep deeply in-between the tangles of my lashes.
Waking up to an empty bed has never been this warm.
So I slip out of bed
And back into myself,
And peer curiously at
The person staring straight at me.
Her eyes are familiar,
But her sadness is distant and uninspired.
Her hands seem too small and worn
For the things she's touched.
She stares at me longingly
As if she had finally been found
Underneath the pillows of too many weeks of sleep,
And tries to pull me under once again.
Her dark eyes desperately trying to reach me.
Her emptiness so enticing.
Over and over again
She offers me the world I once loved
And lost myself in-
Mornings of empty cereal bowls
And crumpled cigarette packets.
These white walls now danced with warmth and light,
And I look at her
And realize that I had an entire galaxy etched
Into the palms of my tiny, tiny hands all along.
I wave her good bye
As I collect the pooling warmth
And sunshine now spilling all over my wooden floor.
I stuff it so eagerly inside a jar tightly filled with train tickets
And coffee beans.
And I swallow.
I take her clothes that are now too big for me,
And bury myself
Inside the skeleton she constantly
I tie the last knot of her shoes
That are seemingly difficult to fill
And carefully walk out the door
And onto the side walk that
Her footprint never got to see.
I want to leave this place and travel far, far away
I want to see places I've only ever seen in photographs
For the shortest of moments, I'd like to escape my life here, and be an anonymous person in a new foreign place
I'll go to the mountains and the forests, where the nature will completely surround me, letting myself forget all the problems back home that are too heavy for my heart to carry along
I'll go to the deserts and the beaches, where there will be hundreds of never ending miles for me to finally think straight
I'll stand underneath the cool, crisp, droplets of rain, letting all my stress melt into the grass at my feet
I want an adventure, I want fresh air, new souls to meet and love, new lessons to learn, and new places to see
I've gotten into the habit, lately
of making up my mind
I've gotten use to using
destructive ways to pass the time
Old habits are hard to break
better kill them while they're young
Yeah old habits die hard
Like a worm after the rain
After cars have run over him
Time and time again
I've gotten into the habit, lately
Of losing my fucking mind
And spending a few hours
Trying to make it right
And it's getting to the point where
the bad becomes the norm
So I just stare at my feet
And weep for the worm
I never lose faith in people,
even when I should
even though these broken records
serve frequently as proof
That old habits are hard to break
and broken records should be tossed away
For new tunes of song you've never heard
And a turn of phrase to string you along
the path of no return
the three of us got in your car
you let me sit shotgun
which made me sort of happy
though i can't really say why
you drove while we rode
and you didn't have your seat belt on
"it's stupid rebellious things like that,"
I had said,
"that will end up getting you pulled over"
you told me to shut up
or you'd make me get out of the car
and so i smirked
because only I could ever make
a reaction like that happen
so I simply said "No"
and this time you seemed to smirk
and so you continued
to argue with me
you tried to keep up
but my skill was superior
and I told you that myself
you ignored me
and we violently conversed
even when the car had stopped
it was time for us to get out,
and for him to stay
but my legs refused to move me
after you had left
I asked of my friend
"what just happened back there?"
and she smirked.
"Flirting, my dear," was all she had to say.
Venus in Cancer
cheeks flushed in rouge
quiet behind the noise of your ruse
love draped in blue
keep me far from your waves
i pollute calm oceans on the clearest of days
Shameful am i
regret in my voice, with this
sharp tongue sealing the coffin that carried my choice
it wasn't you, then
at least, not as it seemed
I loved you too much to let you near me
we should try again
when we get out of our heads
that may never happen, so I'll pretend instead.
wrong place//wronger time...always in sync but out of rhythm
secrets, so many secrets
things you'll never guess
secrets so secret, I dare not confess.
secrets that pull me
far down to the ground,
secrets that take me
away to be drowned.
these secrets, so secret
are such a heavy burden
I'm choking, suffocating,
inside my custom prison
as much as I wish, these secrets
must never be spilled
or else how could I feel
anything but killed
how could I tell you
that I'm too afraid to eat
how can I tell you
when I can hardly speak
what will you think
when you know that I self harm
what will you do?
simply stare at my arms
I don't deserve your help, I confess
it is I and only I who is a part of this mess
go, you are free from troubles
enjoy now or it won't last
enjoy it now so in your future
choke down pomegranate seeds
we all have needs
you had to eat
and hades put his hand over
your virgin mouth
and in the morning
demeter tried to follow
your footsteps in
the trail you left
through the dewey grass
she sits alone at her hearth
and sings to the bonnet
she had knit you
this will do
this ill will
not swallow you
I was dreaming about you again. Just thought that you should know
I had all of your undivided attention and I knew then and there that I was in love with this moment.
Even if it didn't really happen.
Your lips were so tender and soft, your hands were so gentle and warm, and your eyes were so clear and beautiful, it's hard to imagine that it was all in my head.
I tried to hold on to the dream for as long as possible, even when I was on the brink of consciousness, I held on to your wavering image like a life rope, like it was all I had, and all I could depend on.
And your expression was so sweet when it was time to say good-bye, it was almost as if you were trying to speak to me, but I awoke before you had a chance.
Perhaps tonight I'll see you again. Hopefully.
Then maybe, before I wake up, you'll tell me what you've been intending to tell me before.
That's why waking up is the happiest and saddest part...
I know you're finally just about to speak, but then the illusion is shattered as the morning sunshine hits my eyes.
But there's always the next night, and the night after that.
Maybe one day, I'll finally get to speak to you, too.
And maybe, just maybe, if that day ever comes, we'll both be awake.