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Lupus- Aug 2020
It's really hard to believe
The words coming out of your mouth
I do my best to justify you
But it doesn't seem to work this time
Not this time
All these constant lies
How many more chances do you need
Until you finally decide to change
Do you think I will fall for them again
I have before and I was a fool for doing so
But not anymore, I'm letting you go
Not this time
Lupus- Aug 2020
I can see disappointment in your eyes
And how your love for me dies
I can see you no longer want me
As if disgusted by what you see

But I’m trying to understand you
Justifying everything you do
Because you’re struggling as well
I see you’re pain, I can tell

I won’t get in your way
I’ll do anything to make sure you’re okay
I’ll be the perfect child you need me to be
I’ll make you proud you’ll see

It’s difficult to feel fine though, it’s tough
It still hurts knowing I’m not good enough
And as hard as I try you’re not proud
To be the reason of your smile I’m not allowed

I want you to feel proud inside
Hug me and love me with pride
But it seems there is no guarantee
For my dream to be
Could you possibly make them proud? At least for once?
Lupus- Aug 2020
Am I that lonely
That desperate for a friend
But how can I want one
When I'm always doubting what people intend

I'm in need of people to talk to
And you caught my attention
But I've only known you for so long
So I'm taking precaution

You look like an interesting person
Cute and funny and all
So I decided to begin to trust you
Obviously starting off small

I enjoyed your company
You were what I was looking forward to every day
I was getting used to you
But then you decided to go your own way

One day you just never came back
Disappeared unexpectedly
I didn't imagine that to happen
And I began to miss you intensely

I thought I had finally made a friend
Someone who could be my mood
But I realized I hoped too hard
I knew I was *******

I hate myself for doing
What I said I wouldn't do
I hate how I realized too late
I had fallen for you

It's my fault, I know I fell easily
Now that you're gone, I feel lonely once again
There's not one day I'm not thinking about you
Wondering if you'll come back and if so, when?
You opened yourself up again but for what? That person is now gone and you're back to square one... maybe even worse than before
Lupus- Aug 2020
Just because one person messed up
     Doesn't mean everyone will
Just because one person let you down
     Doesn't mean I will too
I know you put all your trust in that one person
     I understand you believed
And it won't be easy to heal and forget
     But can you have hope in me
I will help you along the way
     My intentions are real
I'm not here to hurt you
     Can you please begin to trust me
I'll be patient, please take the time needed
     But please don't give up
It's not over just yet
     I promise I'll be different
You've been let down so many times by the people you least expected. You're beginning to lose hope... please don't lose hope
Lupus- Aug 2020
Am I justified for my suffering
When I live with people
Who have suffered through more
They have greater pain than me
They know the true definition of pain
Of lonely
Of heartbreak
Of disappointment
Of depression
My pain is nothing compared to theirs
Am I justified for my so called suffering
....You don’t know pain like they do....
Lupus- Jul 2020
You have a pure heart
So tender and so soft
Always putting others first
Before thinking about yourself
I admire that heart of yours
Always able to be nice
No matter who they are
Or what they’ve done

But I’ve grown to dislike it as well
Because you loved too much
You were nice to the wrong people
The ones who didn’t deserve it
But that heart of yours is too strong
There’s nothing anyone could do about
You let no one stop you
From doing what you think is best
So if you think you messed up
Or think you did something wrong
There isn’t really much to say
You did nothing wrong but believe
And if people weren’t capable of seeing that
Then they were either blind
Or too dumb to realize
How much your love is worth

In my eyes you are perfect, strong with your big heart
You are my entire world
But if you don’t want to listen and would like to know where you went wrong
I will tell you this:
The only flaw you’ve ever had
Is your excessive kindness
The only fault you’ve ever had
Is loving too much
I don’t blame you for anything, please don’t blame yourself
Lupus- Jul 2020
And all this pain they are suffering
Is all because of you
You are guilty for every tear they shed
For every scream they let out
For all their sleepless nights
Awake at late hours
Worrying about you
Struggling to accept all the damage
Even after all you have done to them
They continue to love you
I think that's what hurts the most
Their love of their life
Is killing them
Day by day
And you
Turn a blind eye
Face the other way
Ignorant of all the the things you are doing
You don't care
All you worry about is getting your way
Even if that means stomping over them
The people that love you the most
That are willing to give up their whole world
They are dying inside
Burning inside from all the heartache
And it's all because of you
Their living nightmare
How could you?
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